Physical intimacy issues postpartum
Hey gals I need some advice - my fiancé is a very good and hands-on dad with my 6 week old son, but now I’ve been cleared at my 6 week appointment he wants to start having sex immediately and regain some of the intimacy he feels we have lost during pregnancy and immediate post-partum.
I do too, but I don’t think he understands my perspective - I’m still sore from my c section, my boobs are constantly leaky and sore from breastfeeding, my body looks very different than it did, I’m tired from exclusively doing the night feeds, and I don’t feel like I have much of a sex drive yet (even though I do also miss the intimacy).
I guess from my perspective I just don’t feel physically or psychologically ready just yet. I have told him this, but all he says is “you’ve changed, it’s like you don’t care about me anymore”. It’s not that I don’t care about him, it’s just that my priorities have changed. I think, as much as he’s a good dad, he’s a bit jealous of the little one and how much of my time and attention he gets - my fiancé interprets that as me not caring about him, not me being a good mother to our son.
Anyone else been through this, or have suggestions for how I can broach this in a careful way to try and resolve this situation?
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You shoulqd go see a physical therapist that specializes in the pelvic floor. also you should see if you may have PPD. Also if he can't understand you're still in recovery he's selfish. Part of being a good partner and father is supporting you intimacy is more than a physical. He should be helping share the load with feeding. You shouldn't feel bullied into doing something before you are ready.
What I think you should tell your husband is that to have physical needs met he needs to meet your emotional needs. Honestly I had to sit down with my husband have a very hard conversation about how I felt. He cried when I finally explained how it’s hard to feel good in a body that was just sliced open, it’s hard to feel intimate when I felt like a cow, it’s hard to get in the mood when my brain thinks about being on that table, how many people saw me naked in the hospital. How many hands were on my body……I think about it a lot and he finely got it. Now he knows if he watches the kids and I get a nap alone or a shower or he plans a date night where he already got babysitting covered and we can relax and talk about us that it’s better. But in my opinion your husband needs to understand that for physical to happen that emotional and mentally needs should be met first
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