How can I get my mom to understand she needs to help with my kids?
I have twins who are 5 years old. My daughter is developing fairly normally, she's just slightly behind. My son has had serious health problems since birth and has struggled with growth, mobility, and is several years behind on all milestones. He does not speak, walks very poorly, cannot climb steps ect. My mom does not visit or help in any capacity. The children really do not understand that she's someone of any importance. They treat her with as much excitement as the grocery store checkout employee. I am in great need for rest, a second set of hands, babysitting coverage when my son is regularly hospitalized. I see everyone else with grandparents who take their grandkids for the weekend because they want to, buy them gifts, get excited to see them, take them to activities such as the park or for a meal, enjoy photographs of them, attend their achievements and activities. My mom their only grandparent has never done any of this. She lives 20 mins away and drives well. So distance or transportation is not an excuse. She is also a millionaire so it's not a financial problem. She does not contribute financially to help with her absence as a grandparent. I am exhausted to the point that I'm unsure how I will continue most of the time. I have asked her to help many many times. It's always no. She also expects me to drive her to appointments, arrange her appointments ect when she's fully capable of doing it herself. I do not have time or energy for any if this. When she does come to my home she brings bags and bags of expired food, expired formula when the babies were little, extremely worn used kids clothes that are usually completely incorrect sizes or for wrong seasons and broken toys. All of this makes a lot of work for me. I'm already beyond the garbage allowance I can throw out at my apartment every week because of medical garbage so I have to pay to have this junk removed. Most of it is not good enough to donate anywhere and even then the sorting takes up time and energy I do not have. I can't feed the kids expired food or things they do not want to eat. I've asked her over and over again to stop bringing this shit but it continues. I'm just so sad and wish I had some support.
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Live your life as if you have no mom. Ban her from Your home. You can’t get her to understand she has to help you because the reality is she doesn’t. Theyre not her kids. She has zero responsibility for them and zero desire to be helpful in any way.
Apply for Assistance at regional center or ihss if your state has that program.
Its unfair that some people get mary poppins for a grandma and others get…the nothing that you have.
I’m sorry. But you have to put your foot down. Stop catering to her needs. Stop driving her places. Tell her you are busy with your sick child. The end.
I understand. My mom lacks the nurturing maternal instincts that give people the drive to be there for kiddos that others have, and it hurts me as well. I've learned to just not talk to her. She doesn't deserve to be in the kids lives if she cant act right. So I have to find other sources of support.
You are in a very hard situation. Is the kids dad around to help at home?
You seem to have some expectations of your mum as grandma. Were these discussed with her before the babies arrived?
As for the expired food and 2nd hand cloths weirdly enough I know many grandma's who do this even when asked to stop and told about expiry dates. I can't explain their thinking but it is frustrating.
What type of parent was she growing up? How is she with the kids? It doesn’t sound like she is particularly nurturing or capable Unfortunatly and that’s something that unfortunately you need to accept. I’m just wondering with the whole expired food, clothes ect whether she has her own mental health problems/issues. At the end of the day they are your kids and she doesn’t have to help although the same can be said when she willl need your help in a few years time.
She doesnt deserve your kids. No offense. I would just let her boot herself out completely.
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