Need Real Advice
✨Long Post✨
I have been with my husband for 6.5 years and we have a 1 year old. My husband is honestly my best friend and love of my life. We’ve worked through a lot of childhood trauma and communication issues together and really are in one of the healthier parts of our relationship. He hasn’t ever had consistent works since we’ve been together - since we met during COVID. He is a bartender and has a hard time with management styles. He is very creative and charismatic but just struggles taking direction sometimes. I have been the sole income earner since 2 weeks before our baby was born which is really stressful. On top of that, I am a frugal person and have never had large debt before. Since being with my husband, we are now in the tens of thousands of dollars of debt. We have dipped into my retirement fund twice also to help pay off debts. He also has previous school debt, medical bills, and tax debt that he has been avoiding. WHAT DO I DO?!? I have told him many times we need to get this sorted, we need to meet with a financial advisor and figure this out. He needs a consistent and well-paying job. He knows all this but still just struggles to get motivated and moving. He is the absolute best dad and I love being with him. But is that enough?? I can’t comprehend having any more kids with him, let alone taking care of the one we’ve got on my income alone.
Please help, would love some realistic advice.
How can I get my mom to understand she needs to help with my kids?
I have twins who are 5 years old. My daughter is developing fairly normally, she's just slightly behind. My son has had serious health problems since birth and has struggled with growth, mobility, and is several years behind on all milestones. He does not speak, walks very poorly, cannot climb steps ect. My mom does not visit or help in any capacity. The children really do not understand that she's someone of any importance. They treat her with as much excitement as the grocery store checkout employee. I am in great need for rest, a second set of hands, babysitting coverage when my son is regularly hospitalized. I see everyone else with grandparents who take their grandkids for the weekend because they want to, buy them gifts, get excited to see them, take them to activities such as the park or for a meal, enjoy photographs of them, attend their achievements and activities. My mom their only grandparent has never done any of this. She lives 20 mins away and drives well. So distance or transportation is not an excuse. She is also a millionaire so it's not a financial problem. She does not contribute financially to help with her absence as a grandparent. I am exhausted to the point that I'm unsure how I will continue most of the time. I have asked her to help many many times. It's always no. She also expects me to drive her to appointments, arrange her appointments ect when she's fully capable of doing it herself. I do not have time or energy for any if this. When she does come to my home she brings bags and bags of expired food, expired formula when the babies were little, extremely worn used kids clothes that are usually completely incorrect sizes or for wrong seasons and broken toys. All of this makes a lot of work for me. I'm already beyond the garbage allowance I can throw out at my apartment every week because of medical garbage so I have to pay to have this junk removed. Most of it is not good enough to donate anywhere and even then the sorting takes up time and energy I do not have. I can't feed the kids expired food or things they do not want to eat. I've asked her over and over again to stop bringing this shit but it continues. I'm just so sad and wish I had some support.
