Failure or just exhaustion?

I’m really struggling today and could use some coping tips or reassurance from anyone who’s been here

I’ve got three children, and my youngest (2 month old) has reflux (which they are having medication for) and is a very sicky, clingy baby. Most days I’m covered in sick or smelling of it, they rarely settle unless on me, and sometimes not even then. I feel like I’m constantly “on” and never get a moment to catch a breath to reset

Today my partner said he’s struggle to know how to help and although senses how overwhelmed I am the second he walks in the door he doesn’t know what to do. He said he takes on my emotions and feels the heaviness in the house when I’ve had a tough day. Hearing that has made me question everything. Am I failing? Am I making my whole house feel low?
I’ve admitted to him I feel like I’m not handling this as well as I thought I would have.

If you’ve been through this, juggling a baby who needs you constantly while trying to keep the home feeling calm, how did you cope and stay grounded? How did you stop the overwhelm from spilling into everything?

I don’t want to be overwhelmed all the time. I love my kids so much, but I’m finding it hard to cope with the relentlessness of a refluxy, clingy newborn while trying to be present for the older two. I feel stretched thin and like I’m not doing a good job for anyone.

Any advice, routines, mindset shifts, or even just solidarity would mean the world right now

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I havent been in this position so dont have any advice from experience.
But wanted you to know that you're heard & your feelings and emotions are valid & reasonable. (without trying to sound condescending!)

You can tell by what you've said and the fact that you are even questioning this means you care deeply about your family. I have no doubt that you are doing an amazing job.
Try not to put too much pressure on yourself to be handling it in any certain way. You are turning up each day for your family, trying your best, that counts the most. And best doesnt always mean exhausting yourself.

What I would expect from my husband if I were in this situation is for him to look after the cooking, organise the other kids to take that off your plate.
Is there any family that would be willing to have the older kids stay with them for the weekend/ a few days to give you some time? It doesnt mean that you love them any less, you also need to look after yourself to be able to continue being there for them.

First off, congrats mama! Three is such a hard season, and I can only imagine dealing with the reflux as my third baby (mine was my second). What I have experienced is baby wearing made myself, her, and my oldest happier. I was able to do a bit more while comforting both of them. I know this can be very hard, or something that you are already doing. But I want to remind you that you are doing an amazing thing. You are at a time of your life where you aren’t yourself, and that is okay. You have a lot on your plate, and THAT IS OKAY. You ARE NOT responsible for anyone else’s emotions, BUT your husband seems to be struggling as well b/c he seems unsure how to make it better for you. Have him wear the baby when he gets home, take some time journaling. Pre prepped meals saved my life. Even if it’s 5 minutes, do something for you. If you are a person of faith Pray, if not meditation/box breathing. You are so loved by your littles and your husband and so strong carrying this all. God bless🤍

Find an area of the house for him to create complete ownership of, including all of the mental load that goes into taking care of whatever area that is. Come up with a specific routine for when he gets home from work so that he knows what he can do immediately after getting home. That might not be taking over any of the child care, but it might mean doing a quick reset of the house and the dishes. Start paying attention to what you are thinking about leading up to him arriving home and immediately after he gets home.

I would also look into a way to have each of you scheduled for one-on-one time with each of your kids well the other one takes the other two. That one-on-one time might mean alternating bedtime each day or husband comes home takes baby and the oldest or whatever.

in our community

I’m annoyed at my friend for how she treated my baby in my home.

I have a very active baby who is constantly crawling around and trying to interact with people.
My friend came over today to watch a show and eat. While we were eating, my baby kept crawling over to her because he wanted to interact with her. He wasn’t touching or even able to reach her food, and I was already feeding him my own food, but she repeatedly told him, “No dude, it’s my food.” I eventually told her she didn’t need to keep saying it because he’s still too young to understand.
Later, she got out nail glue to fix her nail. When my baby crawled over, she told him to stop because of the fumes. I told her that if she was worried about the fumes, she could put the glue away or move somewhere else because this is his home and he’s going to crawl around.
Then she put her food bowl on my sketchbook. I asked her to move it because the sketchbook is special to me. She said, “I’ll buy you a new one, they’re cheap.” She ended up spilling rice and oil on it, leaving oil stains, and also spilled rice on my couch.
The sketchbook cost $13, but that’s not the point. I specifically chose that sketchbook because I like the quality and it’s important to me. I was upset that I’d told her it was special and she dismissed it because she thought it was cheap.
I understand she’s childfree and doesn’t particularly like kids, and that’s completely her choice. But this is my home, and I don’t expect my baby to be confined or constantly told off for crawling around and trying to interact with someone. I also don’t bring him to her house because I know her home isn’t baby-friendly and I respect that.
By the end of the visit I was really upset and honestly don’t want to continue the friendship.

Someone gives you a hand-me down. A couple months later, they want it back. You still use it every day. Do you…

In this instance, it’s a potty. A woman I know basically forced it on me. Her kid ended up preferring to go straight in the toilet, but my child struggled with learning to use the potty. We had our own, but she insisted we take hers “you’ll do it in 2 days with this,” and left it at our house.

My child is finally getting the hang of it (took much longer than two days lol) and has weirdly taken to gifted potty and has covered it in stickers so we can’t easily give it back and get a new one, my kid will know the difference and it will be a big deal. I’ve started trying to wean away from the potty onto the toilet.

She hasn’t demanded it back yet but last two times I’ve seen her, she’s hinted she wants it back cause of an issue her kid is having now with the toilet.

I’d happily give it back if we didn’t use it, but I’m worried giving it back will be a whole ordeal for my kid.

Help - how can I get my toddler to play independently

I recently saw a video of 19 month old playing with various open ended toys, each one for 20-40 minutes.

My toddler can just about manage a few minutes before either asking me to play or giving up and moving on to the next thing. I'm a sahm so I'm with her every day but we go to at least 3 stay and play playgroups a week and she will happily play on her own.

I often start an activity but she just wants me to do everything. as soon as I stop she will walk off or if I sit on the sofa she will stop and just sit on my lap. I know I have to play with her but I don't want to spend the entire day playing with her watching and I don't know how else to encourage independant play.

We have blocks, tiles, animals, rainbows, cleaning sets, books, water table, kitchen etc. she will not attempt any type of puzzle which worries me a bit.

The only thing she will do independently for more than a few minutes is drawing. I'm having another baby soon and I'm worried she won't be able to cope without my attention.

Help 🙃

Crisps

My baby is 16 months and eats crips from the baby isle between 6+m and 12m+ I’m just wondering when and what crips you decided to go onto afterwards as I have the baby ones so much more expensive but also aware of the salt intake and additives in other crisps

Would u be irritated? Bf goes to get breakfast because I’m hungry and don’t feel good and only comes back with a chai…. So I end up making my own anyways.

I didn’t say anything and just bit my tongue on the situation

Am I being unreasonable?

We have a 2.5 year old and 5 month old who is breastfed. My husbands insisting we need to do our own things each week to get out of the house and have some time for ourselves. In many ways this would be lovely but he’s barely ever home as he works such long hours so I feel he should be spending that time with the kids. Also, it’s easier said than done saying I should go out for a few hours when our baby is breastfed. I already feel lonely from being on mat leave and not really leaving the house and it would be nice to spend some quality time together. He wants to go and see a 3 hour long film this weekend, meaning he’d be out the house about 5 hours. Am I being unreasonable thinking this is a bit extreme? I do I understand where he is coming from but it just seems a bit unrealistic at the moment .