Partner is struggling

Baby is 13 days old, we are so on love with him and also have a little girl who's 4 in two weeks. My partner is an amazing dad, he's really struggling though with the balance of toddler and new baby and is finding the noise in particular from them both extremely overwhelming and overstimulating to the point where he has almost had some tears and lots of stress/getting snappy when it's loud.

He also told the health visitor when she visited today that he is struggling and finding it hard to bond with baby despite me thinking he's doing really well with both of them. He's been great these past two weeks he's taken out daughter on days out and had baby so i can rest and apart from feeding him (i breastfeed) is doing his best to cuddle and spend time with both of them equally.

How can i help him? The last two days we haven't got out of the house and he's really tense and stressed like he wants to run out the door but i'm still recovering and not exactly finding it easy myself so there's not much more of the load I can take on myself without burning out, especially as in 7 days he goes back to work and i'll have the two of them pretty much solo going forward. I want to be sympathetic to the fact that he's struggling but I'm doing all the nights with baby and alot of the day to day stuff still like washing and tidying etc so him struggling is a tad suprising as his main job whilst he's been on paternity is to entertain our toddler and I didn't expect him to be struggling this much considering it's ehat i've done as a stay at home mum for the last few years as well as all the housework🫠 I'm finding it hard he needs a break already when i've gone years without a day off from parenting but at the same time I'm trying to be understanding as he's not used to it and having two has been a new challenge for us both

in our community

Am I being unreasonable?

We are due our second baby in October and I’ve asked my husband if he could take over the finance planning and meal planning and LO’s birthday and Christmas presents for November and December. He said no, saying am purposely setting him up for failure. He said that apparently am only doing this because i usually start Christmas and birthday shopping during the summer holidays and because I haven’t done that, am setting him up. I was originally planning on starting all the birthday and Christmas shopping during the school holidays but unfortunately my dad passed away unexpectedly at the end of June and it completely threw me off everything and my whole life has been turned upside down. Not once since my dad passed away has my husband offered to take the load off me like meal planning or finance management, he literally came to me 4 days after my dad passed away and was asking me what’s the finances was looking like so he had a few stuff he wanted to order so I had to look into that for him. I’m currently under my prenatal mental health team because since my dad passed, my mental health has declined to the point where my midwife is having weekly conversations with me about potentially going on antidepressants to manage with everything! Since my dad passed I haven’t done anything to get ready for the new baby and I’ve constantly asked my husband for help with sorting baby stuff out and it feels like am in this alone. I’m 31 weeks and nothing has been done so panic is settling in. All am asking is that he takes over those things for November and December so I can just breathe and get a break for a bit from the mental load. I will still be doing the day to day stuff like cleaning and keeping on top of everything but he hears that as me saying I won’t be anything for 2 months and just lazy around… which is far from the truth. My house is always clean, even when am unwell or has been traveling…I always make sure everything is in order and I would still have a newborn and a toddler to entertain and feed but in his mind, I’m gonna so absolutely nothing for 2 months and that am purposely setting him up for failure! I’ve already decided to do the finances stuff til October just so I can make sure all the baby stuff is sorted in time. I feel so overwhelmed at the moment and I just want to be able to shut off from this stuff just a bit so I can breathe and be present for my little ones. His mum has been absolutely amazing at helping me and supporting me through this season but she has her own life and can’t just keep dropping everything to come help me. I feel so lost and guilty for speaking up for myself because of his reaction to me asking him to help me for 2 months with the finances, meal planning, birthday and Christmas stuff!

Disciplining your child

So there’s been a few posts about spanking recently. I DO NOT want this to become a discussion on the merits of spanking nor vilifying people who do spank.

For the record I am against spanking. But then other people are saying that time outs and removal of toys etc are bad too.

How do you discipline your child to encourage a secure attachment, good emotional regulation, and robust nervous system development in your child?

Right to be angry?

I done a KIT day at work yesterday. My step mum had the baby in the morning and my partner in the afternoon. I prepped baby’s bag so that only my step mum needed it and everything at home for my partner. I left two bottles worth of formula powder prepared (in the tommee tippee formula pots) we use this method daily. When I arrived home during conversation and me organising baby’s things it transpires my partner has put both lots of formula into one bottle. I phoned 111 who were happy with baby’s presentation and so far he is fine. I am still angry as it could have been a different situation altogether

Can my 6 month old baby have these Quaker Oats sachets with milk?

My baby turned 6 month old today but can’t sit up independently yet only with support. The health visitor said he can start purées such as porridge oats. Are these Quaker Oats ok?

Feeling fragile - NEED TO VENT.

I've just been visiting my Nan at her care home with my 7 month old. Whenever we go my daughter always gets loads of attention and the residents love her.
Today the visiting daughter of one of the residents made a remark which has upset me and this has surprised me.
My daughter rocks back and forth if you're holding her or she's sitting. This lady goes "oh she's strong, she's crawling too?" and I told her that she isn't crawling yet. Her immediate reply is one of disappointment/concern. She goes on to say "well dont let her skip to walking! My adult daughter skipped crawling and is riddled with anxiety, it's all connected".

I was like what the actual F***.

Firstly please may I see your diploma, lady I've only just met.
Secondly my son didn't crawl, has she now created something new for me to worry about????
Thirdly, I AM CRIPPLED WITH ANXIETY which you'd think she'd be a bit more thoughtful about having a daughter herself who suffers. She didn't think twice about passing down this "helpful" advice.

I have never been knocked by people's comments before but today I am feeling rough. It took all my energy not to cry. Of course I am blaming myself. We don't use containers like bouncers etc but I spent a lot of time walking with her in the pram or she is on my knee but whilst my son does football and swimming so of course naturally I feel like I've f*kd up already 😀 next time I see her I am going to say "think before you comment please".

I know this is a bit dramatic but like I said, I am fragile today. My daughter is currently playing on her tummy and I don't know what else I can do tbh. I thought we were doing the right things 🤷🏻‍♂️

Housework

I feel like I’m struggling so much to do everything! I have a 3 year old and a 9 week old. I have so much on my mind all the time and a lot on my plate and seems like I’m letting things slip due to either being so tired or being busy with my boys. Anyone got any tips to make it a bit easier to keep on top of household jobs?