Partner half arsing support

My health visitor has told me that I have PPD, my little one is 3 months old. I’ve been having a hard time with my partner, best I can explain it to him is that I just needed him to choose ME more during this vulnerable period. He hasn’t been awful, but he’s really shown how uncaring and thoughtless he can be. He says that he just doesn’t get it, and now he’s saying that he just wants to give up and has even mentioned co parenting because me telling him how he’s let me down is making him feel low and that there’s nothing he can do to change himself. I told him that I can’t wait for this year to be over, as much as I love my baby being small, but I need an equilibrium back so I don’t feel dependent on his care (or lack of). Fast forward to tonight, I told him of my health visitors suspicions of PPD. And he barely looked at me and just said “well…YEAH?! I thought it was obvious”. He then proceeded to ask me a minute later where I bought the towels from because he thinks they had changed the colour of his socks to grey. Just, wtf dude. Like I say, he’s not awful, just often cold and uncaring and now I feel stuck as though there’s no point talking to him. I cried in his arms the other night because I had nowhere else to turn and told him that I feel like he just doesn’t understand me. I guess that’s PPD, but how he can be so detached from my experience? I don’t know. I know what I’d do if it was the other way round.

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If you want to make it work here are a few of things that worked for me:

-Ask him if he’s willing to ask you how he can love and support you better every few days (this doesn’t mean remind him to ask you but suggest he can set an alarm that goes off certain days of the week to check in with you about this)

-Write out 5-10 practical ways he could help/ support you (BIG or small) ask him to commit to 2 à week and have him rotate to a new two thé next week so each get tended to

*Find someone to talk to

-Find new ways you guys can connect and have fun together in this season it will look extremely different, maybe it’s putting baby in a carrier and going for a walk as a family or having baby play on floor while you two dance to à song you both enjoy but silly fun connection is so so important.

-find some good close friends (maybe even as a couple that also have kids but maybe older kids) they not only will watch your kid, their kids will entertain your kid, but also

They will support you guys in some capacity.

Might be worth a shot

Give words of affirmation each time you offer critique in sandwich form. “I love you and I know this has been hard on you and on me. I appreciate how you are still by my side and your perseverance (or whatever you want to say, then offer critique) I’m having a hard time with carrying thé mental load of à, b, c. And haven’t felt supported. I would love to feel more supported, these are ways you can help .…
thank you for choosing to love me in doing those things I appreciate your support/love (whatever you actually appreciate about him).

I wish I could give you a hug and tell him to be more sensitive. I’m sorry it’s not just clicking for him. Realize he is also new to parenting and is put in these situations for first time so he doesn’t know how to react and interact. Be gracious to yourself and aid him in supporting you à bit better. Give him thé tools but dont do the work for him. Sending you love and hoping it gets better for both of you as individuals and as parents.

in our community

Disciplining your child

So there’s been a few posts about spanking recently. I DO NOT want this to become a discussion on the merits of spanking nor vilifying people who do spank.

For the record I am against spanking. But then other people are saying that time outs and removal of toys etc are bad too.

How do you discipline your child to encourage a secure attachment, good emotional regulation, and robust nervous system development in your child?

Can my 6 month old baby have these Quaker Oats sachets with milk?

My baby turned 6 month old today but can’t sit up independently yet only with support. The health visitor said he can start purées such as porridge oats. Are these Quaker Oats ok?

neighbours having their garden done (rant)

I KNOW ITS THEIR RIGHT TO GET THEIR GARDEN DONE OR WHATEVER BUT ITS ALSO MY RIGHT TO BE SEETHING WITH ANGER 😭😭

baby is teething and going through huge developmental leaps which means sleep and nap times are officially world war 3, hes sleeping so extremely lightly or just refusing sleep as a whole 😭 im a single mum with very minimal childcare support so i'm dealing with everything myself and have literally been at wits end going insane because i need a break and the only time i get a break is when he naps WHICH HE ISNT DOING 😭
he also will not settle with anyone so if i accept childcare (which i do appreciate, this isnt their fault!) then when i get him he is just inconsolable and screaming because hes even more overtired than before and in turn even harder to settle🫠🫠

anyway he was extremely overtired and screaming and I finally managed to get him to sleep after hours of it... then I had 10 whole minutes before they started drilling in the garden next door 🤩 I have my windows and curtains shut in anticipation but it's just so fucking loud it doesn't matter!! its a miracle getting him to sleep as it is and he will not nap in any other room!!

they've been drilling all day every day for the last week now and its driving me INSANE!
theres nothing i can say or do about it either as they're just doing their job. i did ask them how many days left of the job and they said they didnt know.
its not like they're drilling at unsociable hours or doing anything wrong but its just the BANE OF MY EXISTENCE right now 😭😭 i am SO STUPIDLY ANGRY

Feeling fragile - NEED TO VENT.

I've just been visiting my Nan at her care home with my 7 month old. Whenever we go my daughter always gets loads of attention and the residents love her.
Today the visiting daughter of one of the residents made a remark which has upset me and this has surprised me.
My daughter rocks back and forth if you're holding her or she's sitting. This lady goes "oh she's strong, she's crawling too?" and I told her that she isn't crawling yet. Her immediate reply is one of disappointment/concern. She goes on to say "well dont let her skip to walking! My adult daughter skipped crawling and is riddled with anxiety, it's all connected".

I was like what the actual F***.

Firstly please may I see your diploma, lady I've only just met.
Secondly my son didn't crawl, has she now created something new for me to worry about????
Thirdly, I AM CRIPPLED WITH ANXIETY which you'd think she'd be a bit more thoughtful about having a daughter herself who suffers. She didn't think twice about passing down this "helpful" advice.

I have never been knocked by people's comments before but today I am feeling rough. It took all my energy not to cry. Of course I am blaming myself. We don't use containers like bouncers etc but I spent a lot of time walking with her in the pram or she is on my knee but whilst my son does football and swimming so of course naturally I feel like I've f*kd up already 😀 next time I see her I am going to say "think before you comment please".

I know this is a bit dramatic but like I said, I am fragile today. My daughter is currently playing on her tummy and I don't know what else I can do tbh. I thought we were doing the right things 🤷🏻‍♂️

Didn’t realise potty training was quite this intense

I’ve started potty training my 22-month-old daughter, and today is day one. She sits on the potty without any problems. I didn’t realise how intense potty training could be! 🥲

Basically, I’m watching her the whole day and taking her to the potty every 20–30 minutes, which is quite hard work!

She’s showing all the signs that she’s ready for potty training, so I’ve decided to stay home for a few days and let her wear just her underwear.

I know it’s only day one, and I’ll keep going like this even if it takes weeks. I’ve already accepted that the first few days will probably be the hardest. My back is hurting, and cleaning poop out of underwear is definitely not a nice experience! 😅

How do YOU maintain stress-free school day mornings?

With school starting back up next week it got me thinking into ways I could make mornings easier. I already went ahead and implemented the daily “outfit/uniform” organization to make life easier for my kids to dress themselves each morning and we have a designated shoe rack near the door. Interested to hear from other moms what they do to make their mornings stress-free without having to repeat themselves, nag, beg, bargain, negotiate, etc.

What tips would you share to help other moms out? Let’s share the knowledge instead of having to pay money towards some “Master Class” lol