What's should I honestly say
So my husband is struggling at work and in his personal life, and I he will off load it to me as his wife which I am fine with but I don't know what I should do actually, it's a lot for me because the personal stuff being going on a while, work has just begun to grate on him.
Work, we knew his job would be hard as he has long days traveling to from work as he can work anywhere in the country and stay over for up to a week at a time, it's been ok up till now, his work has so much work to do and probably need more staff but that's management to decide, he was told for a while they would try and keep him local, they have not, he is currently up north till Friday night and the has a job down south for a week, he's not happy as he's left me and the baby at home, I can't always go with him because of money as I have to travel separately because of the equipment he needs as well, he doesn't really like it and the traveling is tiring him out and few other stresses with the job, he's been with the company for eight years and is now on the fence is he should go, we knew he work away but the length of time is unfair for me as well, but I don't know what to say to him I feel like he's got to come to that want to move to another job on his own but the company before the baby were really good with him.
Then there the personal so my husband isn't very sociable and only has two friends and me really, his one friend disappears for a month at a time, no texts or anything but when he does meet up hes always paying for meals or getting really lovely present for special occasions and is a really nice guy, I think he's got a lot on and sometimes I noticed if it's not what he wants then he doesn't do it, his other friend is now engaged and only appears when he wants a drink and at last minute, he's stopped texting about sports with my husband or if they planning on meeting up his friend can rearrange because something like a free meal with his parents has come up, or another friend has asked him something. My husband talks to me all the time about them and work and honestly it tiring as I give him advice but he somehow doesn't take it , I didn't know what else to say to him and I just try and listen and plan days out as a family to try and help, is there anything else I can do apart from being there a listening to all of it on repeat
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Could you suggest him going to therapy so that he has a safe place dump all this on so that it’s not always on you… like I get being his wife to be there for him but maybe he will listen to a professional’s advice…
Idk, sometimes when I go to my husband to vent it's literally that. I don't want solutions, I want empathy. I actually told him this pretty early on and it really helped our relationship because he stopped trying to fix things, listened more, and that helped me reach conclusions on my own. If I want advice I'll specify. The challenge here is it's the same things your husband seems to be venting about, there's little change, and you're taking on more of the mental load than is strictly necessary. Have you asked him what will be most helpful for him when he offloads to you, and are you comfortable doing the same- do you tell him honestly how hard it can be when he's away? That's not piling on because it's something he already doesn't like doing, it's giving him more data that might help him making a move elsewhere. As suggested above, he could also benefit from therapy!
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