Wants me to be a homemaker but complains when I take the role seriously...
Early in the relationship we agreed that we will have mostly traditional family roles, he goes to work and makes money for the family, I stay home to manage the household and raise the children. My biggest struggle is keeping up with cleaning, I find it hard to do with 2 little ones constantly making messes, and when I do get the opportunity to clean motivation becomes an issue. I find it the easiest to clean when I'm actually proud and happy with the space I'm cleaning.
I started making home improvements to help improve my motivation, some matching furniture, matching bedding sets, replacing a few old items, hang some things on our bare beige walls, nothing too crazy. He'd complain about costs then complain about helping me if something needed power tools to put together but always enjoyed the end result of my ideas and our work. That's a common reoccurrance, him complaining and arguing against something the whole time just to find that he actually likes the results.
I'm trying to get to a point where I'm making family dinners more often and we all eat at the table I just upcycled for us but this is just another string of complaints. Complaints about the ingredients I get and the food I want to make for us that he's never even had before or has had and just doesn't want to spend money on the ingredients. I want to make 3 homemade meals this week, nothing too crazy either, and apparently that's asking too much for him to cooperate with. I want to make baked white fish, he complains he won't like it even though he says he hasn't had it, complains it might be expensive, complains it might stink up the whole house.
He just wants everything to stay as it's always been yet married me because he wants improvement and change in our lives together. If he were alone he'd be in a nearly bare apartment but I want to make it a home for our family and every idea I have or try out gets complaints and push back and never really receives the appreciation or thanks for it after he finds he does really like what I bring to the table. He wants me to consider being our children's homeschool teacher but I dread the potential complaints I'd hear from him, I'd need to see a change in attitude and support before I take on that task.
Anyone else relate or dealt with this before? Any advice that doesn't involve dramatically divorcing?
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When we first got together we were struggling but we got through it, we built us up from scratch, I don't want to settle for the basics even though the basics used to be what we dreamed of. We're finally in a good position now and I'm ready to keep building, I just don't know how I can get him to see that. It's like he's settled and waiting for something better to come along but I'm ready to make the most of what we have now instead of just waiting and hoping a better opportunity comes by.
Baked fish with broccoli and potatoes, stuffed bell peppers with killed lettuce, and southern tomato pie with chicken alfredo pasta are the 3 dinners btw if you're wondering 😜
What do you eat normally?
A hired homemaker could cost him 30K a year… a private tutor to homeschool even more 🥴
I don't have any solid advice but have you tried to talk to him about it? If you guys are able to find any one on one time like a date or just relaxing time in the room (but not before bed) maybe you could bring it up. Try to tell him how his reluctance is making you feel. Hopefully he can hear you out without getting defensive and maybe share what else is bothering him cause he should really appreciate all the effort and care your pouring into your guys home/family
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