I feel like I'm losing my mind!
*long*
I've been up going on 24 hours, Every time I'd be tired about to try and nap with my son he'd wake up, so i wouldn't sleep. It's now 930am he's still awake, and I am so frustrated, exhausted, touched out, overwhelmed, overstimulated, and I feel angry. Not with him I love him to absolute shards he's an amazing baby, and very chill most of the time, but I've tried everything I can think of to get him settled down, and he won't. I feel like I could pull my hair out, so I just left him in the room for a moment to step away and gather myself because my mood is not his burden to carry. His dad is currently working 12 hour shifts for the next two months so he comes home, sleeps in his office peacefully hardly makes time when he gets home to see us, the late morning sleeps means we sleep late into the evening right before he leaves for work so he carries NONE of the parental weight that I do. I'm grateful he works so I can stay home with our beautiful boy, but he's always so exhausted from working, like yeah. Me too. And I try not to compare but holy fuck. At least when he's at work he gets a break every 2 hours, I don't. It's constantly On, on on. Even when I'm sleeping I'm not asleep. But "I get to stay home in the AC and watch whatever I want on TV" So that must mean it's the bees fucking knees right? I shouldn't complain or feel overwhelmed or be exhausted because I'm at home all the time. But I'm sick of seeing these same 4 fucking walls, I'm sick of being the only one taking real care of our son, I'm sick of being the only one to carry this. And be told "I understand, I feel it, yeah same" like NO dude. When he does take him because I'm overwhelmed he comes back with him and says "He started to fall asleep, I think I got him tired enough so you should be able to get him down" WHY WOULD YOU NOT JUST LET HIM SLEEP ON YOU AND BOND WITH YOU let me take AN HOUR to fucking nap and reset and breathe. For fucks sake! I just feel so fucking alone all of the time. And he does not get it.
Back to my baby I go.
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I was out of the room 5 minutes, maybe 6 and he was very upset when I came back, he's calmed back down now, but I feel guilty having stepped out and leaving him alone š
Ya this was me and my former husband. If this goes on your marriage wont work out. Just coz he works donāt mean he doesnāt need to do the parenting part. Youāre supposed to work as a team and he needs to take up more responsibility than making that excuse. He was working even when he was single and it didnāt do shot to his life. Sorry to say this but heās just making excuses to not show up. Get couple counseling immidietly and get family to help out if you can and hire a night nurse if you can afford it. Hospitals have that facility. Your body needs to completely heal and be well rested or else it will come crumbling down. I had the worst joint pain I couldnāt even walk up and down the stairs because of constant breastfeeding and mine didnāt even offer me water even in his off days.. donāt make the mistake I did. Get help now or things will get worse.
Girl I'm so sorry, I can only imagine how tired you are. Taking care of a child is a feat and not easy, it takes a lot of your energy. Do you have any other support around you? Also, do you discuss this with his dad? And you did what was right by giving yourself space when needed or stepping away.
Hey maybe you can tryout miss poppins. My baby had similar issue and i took their sleep consultation and it worked. I think they are providing free consultations as well. Maybe you can give it a try. https://go.misspoppins.io/r-01
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