Serious emotional question

Hey there, I’m a mom of one to a now six month old and I’m 22 if that means anything.

I recently was talking to my husband about the early stages of when we first brought our baby home and just about how we truly dealt with it. My husband stayed home for two weeks since that’s all his job gave him and then left for work, being gone 14 hours a day, 6 days a week every other week. We have no family or friends around us so I was basically figuring out a newborn by myself which isn’t my husband’s fault at all. I was going through a lot with just delivering a baby, my mental state and all around the changes to my body. I had always been around 98lbs and I had gotten all the way to 155lbs at the end of my pregnancy, dropping down to 130lbs postpartum and my body image wasn’t great. He would come home and ask if I was okay or how my day was and I’d just cry. I was overwhelmed, in pain, and running on almost no sleep.

I asked my husband if he had been worried about me with our baby and he answered truthfully saying yes. I asked if he thought I would harm our son and he told me no, but he was worried that I would leave him in his bassinet when he was crying and walk away, not tending to him at all because of how horrible I was feeling. Our baby did cry A LOT in the beginning and he was nervous that I would get overwhelmed and leave him by himself for hours. He told me that he knew that was unlikely and preceded to praise me for how good of a mom I was and thanking me for keeping our baby healthy and happy even when I wasn’t.

I’ve been dwelling on it since we spoke, feeling horrible that I made him think that way. I never once did that, I would cry and hold him, think about what my life would of been if I hadn’t become a mom and spend hours watching him, scared at any moment he could just stop breathing. It was a rollercoaster I never wanna ride again.

How do I get this out of my head? Why do I feel so horrible even though I know I never did what he was worried about and never would do it? Sorry if this was long and kinda… well pointless, I’m just struggling with it.

in our community

Guilt over leaving children so late

Hi all - it’s 4am and I’m crying over feeling guilty for leaving children so late in life (40). It’s my biggest regret, but it wouldn’t have been the right time for me any earlier. My baby is 6 months.

I’m feeling guilt that my child potentially will only have me until their 40s, maybe 50. That I’ll leave this earth while he still needs his mother. I’m being stupid because I can’t do anything about it.

Anybody in the same boat with any words of wisdom?

Partners

Does anybody else / has anybody started to resent their partner?
We have 2 babies 11 months apart, he does 4 on 4 off at work, (2 days & 2 nights) anyway, I’ve started to not like him being around him or anything. For the fact of I do everything for the kids with no help.. he never gets up with them, brings them out for the day, lets me have a break even for a few hours.. I can’t remember the last time I was able to breath on my own 😆. (Btw I love being a mam!) but it would be nice to have a little help.. I feel like a single mum in a relationship with there dad 😆

How do I talk to my partner about how im feeling

Ive always had difficulty expressing how I feel and talking about things. Lately ive felt more irritated at my partner because of the things he dose or says. For context he works sometimes long hours as a plumber and he is the only one able to work right now. We got pregnant pretty soon into our relationship and didnt move in together until a month before our son was born. He was behind on bills due to his ex and had alot of debt because of that. He also had to get a new car, so the bills just kept coming. We live in my parents basement that is an apartment so we dont have ro pay rent thankfully but we are still hardly making it. With his car payment and insurance and credit card debit, being paid weekly really puts us in a bind. I have no clothes that fit me except for a few things and both of our shoes have holes in them. I have been telling him for months to get new shoes but he just refuses. Says it to difficult to find because of his shoe size. We was going to use our tax return to pay off most of this stuff but we have had such a difficult time with that and still haven't gotten it. Hes always making comments like " we are never going to get it so why even think that we will" or we will always live paycheck to paycheck it is what it is.
We try to budget and do what we can to save but its just not enough. Lately he has started to make comments about our sons birthday which is less then 3 weeks away at this point in time and saying things like we are going to have to host it here we cant rent a place when there is to much we need here at the house. And people are just going to have to use their imagination because we are not going to have anything there. I personally have been planning his party abd have been putting money away so we can get a few things like a smash cake and decor for his high chair. Now he is saying he wants to use that money to get him shoes because he cant keep putting it off and that has me really irritated because I have this hole plan and been saving for about 2 months so we can have some things. I dont know what to do. I definitely dont want to have it here. We had our gender reveal here and it was so stressful. I just want to rent a place for 2 hours have our village show uo and celebrate our son. How do I talk to him about this without my irritation coming though.

I don’t think my husband likes me

Some context on our dynamic.

I met my husband shortly after my daughter was born from a previous relationship. He was so kind and perfect, and we got married after three years. Everyone told me I was settling. I have a great career, and he’s unemployed/ does odd jobs. I bought our house (before we were married, in my name only) and I pay all the bills, fund all his hobbies, and I also take care of the kids (when he watches them he calls it ‘babysitting’) and do all the house work (after our marriage her decided all house work is the ‘woman’s job’). At first he maintained the harder things, like cleaning the gutters and cutting the grass, but now I do all that as well, because he bitches and refuses to, and it needs to be done.

All he does is call me lazy and worthless and says I’m not “present” enough but I’m working myself thin. I work 60 hours a week and had to take on a second job because he wouldn’t work one job, yet he keeps racking up our debt and making a point to bring home new pets without talking to me and then using the kids to keep me from yelling at him, and then the conversation is just over. We have 6 dogs now, and 3 kids, but the thing is I’m solely responsible for all of them, financially, emotionally, and physically. Every pet he brings home means more mess, more pet hair, more time walking/feeding/bathing/etc. and I do it all. I have no friends, no time to be myself, and no time to relax. I’m on my feet from 5am to 11pm every day, while he takes a 3 hour nap, eats everything in the house (a month worth of groceries can be gone in 1 afternoon) and recently he just keeps making large purchases without talking to me (he bought a boat last week).

Now here’s the thing. I don’t even think he likes me, let alone loves me. He wants to everything alone. Everything we shared while dating (hobbies interests etc) he keeps but doesn’t want to do with me. I suggest a sitter so I can have a night off and we can do date night and he says I’m a bad mom for pawning the kids off and that it was my choice to have kids (two are biologically his, and he made the choice to be with me knowing I had a child). He doesn’t want us going with him camping like we loved to do when the kids were younger, and he only goes alone or with friends. He acts like sharing a bed with me is a chore, every win or success I have he gets incredible angry over and acts like I’m the problem. He knows I don’t have a family, but tells me to cry to them everytime I’m upset. I try to talk about my day and he tells me to shut up/he doesn’t care. He tells me all the time he wishes he the kids and I didn’t exist. Says we ruined his life. Calls me spoiled when I ask for *anything* (could literally say I need to go to the doctor and he flips out and says I’m selfish and spoiled). He tells me everyone hates me and that’s why his friends and family don’t come to our house anymore.

I really believe he genuinely hates us. But then when I bring up separating or tell him how I feel, he acts SHOCKED that I feel this way, tells me he loves me and it’s ridiculous he even needs to say that because I’m his wife, and then when I try to explain why he turns it around with this whole “oh I’m always the problem!” Speech that he has memorized.

I tried talking to his mom, who said he’s always been like this and she has no advice. She said she thought he changed when he met me because he got a lot better (the man I loved) but that after our kids were born she noticed him slipping up and going back to old self. I told her I can’t do this anymore but I don’t know what to do and she said she has no advice for me. Idk what to do

My son is pooping in the bath

I need suggestions i think ive waited too long to start potty training and my son keeps pooping in the bath even when I try to get him on the toilet he just cries and pushes away, then eventually poops in the bath. What should I do? ive potty trained kids before but never encountered this.

Boyfriends family

My boyfriends family keep getting in his head about me being a stay at home mom. Him and I both agreed this is what we wanted because we dont want to send the baby to daycare. His family is making it a big deal about him bringing in the only income. My boyfriend makes more than enough to support us so we are not struggling at all. Anyone else dealing with this situation and how do you deal with it. Its messing with me mentally and makes me feel horrible on a daily basis.