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SEX ~ DRAMA ~ MARRIAGE & MORE

I don’t think my husband *likes* me

Some context on our dynamic.

I met my husband shortly after my daughter was born from a previous relationship. He was so kind and perfect, and we got married after three years. Everyone told me I was settling. I have a great career, and he’s unemployed/ does odd jobs. I bought our house (before we were married, in my name only) and I pay all the bills, fund all his hobbies, and I also take care of the kids (when he watches them he calls it ‘babysitting’) and do all the house work (after our marriage her decided all house work is the ‘woman’s job’). At first he maintained the harder things, like cleaning the gutters and cutting the grass, but now I do all that as well, because he bitches and refuses to, and it needs to be done.

All he does is call me lazy and worthless and says I’m not “present” enough but I’m working myself thin. I work 60 hours a week and had to take on a second job because he wouldn’t work one job, yet he keeps racking up our debt and making a point to bring home new pets without talking to me and then using the kids to keep me from yelling at him, and then the conversation is just over. We have 6 dogs now, and 3 kids, but the thing is I’m solely responsible for all of them, financially, emotionally, and physically. Every pet he brings home means more mess, more pet hair, more time walking/feeding/bathing/etc. and I do it all. I have no friends, no time to be myself, and no time to relax. I’m on my feet from 5am to 11pm every day, while he takes a 3 hour nap, eats everything in the house (a month worth of groceries can be gone in 1 afternoon) and recently he just keeps making large purchases without talking to me (he bought a boat last week).

Now here’s the thing. I don’t even think he likes me, let alone loves me. He wants to everything alone. Everything we shared while dating (hobbies interests etc) he keeps but doesn’t want to do with me. I suggest a sitter so I can have a night off and we can do date night and he says I’m a bad mom for pawning the kids off and that it was my choice to have kids (two are biologically his, and he made the choice to be with me knowing I had a child). He doesn’t want us going with him camping like we loved to do when the kids were younger, and he only goes alone or with friends. He acts like sharing a bed with me is a chore, every win or success I have he gets incredible angry over and acts like I’m the problem. He knows I don’t have a family, but tells me to cry to them everytime I’m upset. I try to talk about my day and he tells me to shut up/he doesn’t care. He tells me all the time he wishes he the kids and I didn’t exist. Says we ruined his life. Calls me spoiled when I ask for *anything* (could literally say I need to go to the doctor and he flips out and says I’m selfish and spoiled). He tells me everyone hates me and that’s why his friends and family don’t come to our house anymore.

I really believe he genuinely hates us. But then when I bring up separating or tell him how I feel, he acts SHOCKED that I feel this way, tells me he loves me and it’s ridiculous he even needs to say that because I’m his wife, and then when I try to explain why he turns it around with this whole “oh I’m always the problem!” Speech that he has memorized.

I tried talking to his mom, who said he’s always been like this and she has no advice. She said she thought he changed when he met me because he got a lot better (the man I loved) but that after our kids were born she noticed him slipping up and going back to old self. I told her I can’t do this anymore but I don’t know what to do and she said she has no advice for me. Idk what to do