Partners
Does anybody else / has anybody started to resent their partner?
We have 2 babies 11 months apart, he does 4 on 4 off at work, (2 days & 2 nights) anyway, I’ve started to not like him being around him or anything. For the fact of I do everything for the kids with no help.. he never gets up with them, brings them out for the day, lets me have a break even for a few hours.. I can’t remember the last time I was able to breath on my own 😆. (Btw I love being a mam!) but it would be nice to have a little help.. I feel like a single mum in a relationship with there dad 😆
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Have you told him how you feel and that he needs to step up? I don't understand how he has 4 days off in a row but does nothing to help with the kids, that's insane to me! We introduced a more 50/50 routine so we alternate nights to settle LO if he wakes up, alternate bedtimes. I usually get up with him weekday mornings but my husband is up and out for work by 7am so that's fine, at a weekend we alternate a lie in day each... i know this will be more difficult when our second is here in February but its a starter for 10.
Just make plans and leave a list of things for him to do. We need and deserve a break. I just my husband that I'm going out and with whom, in case of anything. Unfortunately for some men, it needs to be spelled and pronounced. 🙄
I feel the same! I resented my hubby in my first pregnancy too but it did get easier as he was a lifesaver when baby was born with night feeds but then he went back to work and was back in same boat! (Works six nights a week) It got easier as my son got a bit older though he became more hands on i feel like he didnt really know what to do with a baby ?🤨😅
Just have it out with him put cards on table and try make him understand how hard it is.. sometimes they need a kick up the bum 😅
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Partners
Does anybody else / has anybody started to resent their partner?
We have 2 babies 11 months apart, he does 4 on 4 off at work, (2 days & 2 nights) anyway, I’ve started to not like him being around him or anything. For the fact of I do everything for the kids with no help.. he never gets up with them, brings them out for the day, lets me have a break even for a few hours.. I can’t remember the last time I was able to breath on my own 😆. (Btw I love being a mam!) but it would be nice to have a little help.. I feel like a single mum in a relationship with there dad 😆
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How do I talk to my partner about how im feeling
Ive always had difficulty expressing how I feel and talking about things. Lately ive felt more irritated at my partner because of the things he dose or says. For context he works sometimes long hours as a plumber and he is the only one able to work right now. We got pregnant pretty soon into our relationship and didnt move in together until a month before our son was born. He was behind on bills due to his ex and had alot of debt because of that. He also had to get a new car, so the bills just kept coming. We live in my parents basement that is an apartment so we dont have ro pay rent thankfully but we are still hardly making it. With his car payment and insurance and credit card debit, being paid weekly really puts us in a bind. I have no clothes that fit me except for a few things and both of our shoes have holes in them. I have been telling him for months to get new shoes but he just refuses. Says it to difficult to find because of his shoe size. We was going to use our tax return to pay off most of this stuff but we have had such a difficult time with that and still haven't gotten it. Hes always making comments like " we are never going to get it so why even think that we will" or we will always live paycheck to paycheck it is what it is.
We try to budget and do what we can to save but its just not enough. Lately he has started to make comments about our sons birthday which is less then 3 weeks away at this point in time and saying things like we are going to have to host it here we cant rent a place when there is to much we need here at the house. And people are just going to have to use their imagination because we are not going to have anything there. I personally have been planning his party abd have been putting money away so we can get a few things like a smash cake and decor for his high chair. Now he is saying he wants to use that money to get him shoes because he cant keep putting it off and that has me really irritated because I have this hole plan and been saving for about 2 months so we can have some things. I dont know what to do. I definitely dont want to have it here. We had our gender reveal here and it was so stressful. I just want to rent a place for 2 hours have our village show uo and celebrate our son. How do I talk to him about this without my irritation coming though.
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I don’t think my husband *likes* me
Some context on our dynamic.
I met my husband shortly after my daughter was born from a previous relationship. He was so kind and perfect, and we got married after three years. Everyone told me I was settling. I have a great career, and he’s unemployed/ does odd jobs. I bought our house (before we were married, in my name only) and I pay all the bills, fund all his hobbies, and I also take care of the kids (when he watches them he calls it ‘babysitting’) and do all the house work (after our marriage her decided all house work is the ‘woman’s job’). At first he maintained the harder things, like cleaning the gutters and cutting the grass, but now I do all that as well, because he bitches and refuses to, and it needs to be done.
All he does is call me lazy and worthless and says I’m not “present” enough but I’m working myself thin. I work 60 hours a week and had to take on a second job because he wouldn’t work one job, yet he keeps racking up our debt and making a point to bring home new pets without talking to me and then using the kids to keep me from yelling at him, and then the conversation is just over. We have 6 dogs now, and 3 kids, but the thing is I’m solely responsible for all of them, financially, emotionally, and physically. Every pet he brings home means more mess, more pet hair, more time walking/feeding/bathing/etc. and I do it all. I have no friends, no time to be myself, and no time to relax. I’m on my feet from 5am to 11pm every day, while he takes a 3 hour nap, eats everything in the house (a month worth of groceries can be gone in 1 afternoon) and recently he just keeps making large purchases without talking to me (he bought a boat last week).
Now here’s the thing. I don’t even think he likes me, let alone loves me. He wants to everything alone. Everything we shared while dating (hobbies interests etc) he keeps but doesn’t want to do with me. I suggest a sitter so I can have a night off and we can do date night and he says I’m a bad mom for pawning the kids off and that it was my choice to have kids (two are biologically his, and he made the choice to be with me knowing I had a child). He doesn’t want us going with him camping like we loved to do when the kids were younger, and he only goes alone or with friends. He acts like sharing a bed with me is a chore, every win or success I have he gets incredible angry over and acts like I’m the problem. He knows I don’t have a family, but tells me to cry to them everytime I’m upset. I try to talk about my day and he tells me to shut up/he doesn’t care. He tells me all the time he wishes he the kids and I didn’t exist. Says we ruined his life. Calls me spoiled when I ask for *anything* (could literally say I need to go to the doctor and he flips out and says I’m selfish and spoiled). He tells me everyone hates me and that’s why his friends and family don’t come to our house anymore.
I really believe he genuinely hates us. But then when I bring up separating or tell him how I feel, he acts SHOCKED that I feel this way, tells me he loves me and it’s ridiculous he even needs to say that because I’m his wife, and then when I try to explain why he turns it around with this whole “oh I’m always the problem!” Speech that he has memorized.
I tried talking to his mom, who said he’s always been like this and she has no advice. She said she thought he changed when he met me because he got a lot better (the man I loved) but that after our kids were born she noticed him slipping up and going back to old self. I told her I can’t do this anymore but I don’t know what to do and she said she has no advice for me. Idk what to do
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My son is pooping in the bath
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Boyfriends family
My boyfriends family keep getting in his head about me being a stay at home mom. Him and I both agreed this is what we wanted because we dont want to send the baby to daycare. His family is making it a big deal about him bringing in the only income. My boyfriend makes more than enough to support us so we are not struggling at all. Anyone else dealing with this situation and how do you deal with it. Its messing with me mentally and makes me feel horrible on a daily basis.
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