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First time mums

Finding your people second time round?

We moved to the area 6 years ago and I’ve always struggled to find genuine friendships that go beyond a hello. We have one amazing couple we’re really close to, but they’ve moved further away and now have a couple of children themselves, so seeing each other is harder.

I’m due my second baby in a few weeks and I’m feeling quite anxious about maternity leave this time. With my first, I had so much optimism about making mum friends. I met two amazing mums through antenatal classes and we became incredibly close, spending 3 to 5 days a week together, often with our husbands too. I genuinely thought they’d be lifelong friends, but things turned horrible after maternity leave ended and we’re no longer friends.

I met lots of other lovely mums through baby groups, but never really clicked with anyone, and because I was so wrapped up in those two antenatal friendships, I didn’t develop any of the other friendships further. So now I feel like I’m back at square one.

I’ll do baby groups again, but I found 95% of mums were first time mums last time. Do second time mums just not go to groups as much because they already have their people? Where do you actually find other mums with a toddler and a newborn?

I’d love to find a little group of mums in the same boat, to do maternity leave with and also stay friends beyond it. My husband is amazing, but he’s really the only regular, dependable person I have nearby, and I’m genuinely worried about feeling isolated after this birth. I already feel it now.

I’ve tried other toddler/baby groups recently with no luck. I even left one before because I could feel myself about to burst into tears when all the first time mums with babies naturally sat together, one even took my seat when I got up to attend to my toddler.

I find myself scanning cafes and baby groups for mums who look like they might be in the same situation, thinking, I wish I could just go and talk to them!

I don’t want to constantly be looking for my people. I just want to have them and enjoy the friendships.

So if you’ve successfully found your friendship group after having baby number two, where did you meet them and what actually worked?