AITA?

I have a friend who goes out every weekend. her friends that she goes out nearly every weekend with are fairly new friends and single and honestly i don’t think they are the best influence (she’s newly married). for reference we are younger parents late 20s with toddlers. i go out with her occasionally because i don’t mind a good drink and girls time. however there are times when i recommend our husbands who are very good friends go (probably 2-3x a year) and make it a double date type of thing and she’s always against it. she says she enjoys the male attention she gets when she’s out. am i crazy for wanting to go out with my husband? on a side note im not having more than 1 drink on a night out if i’m solo and there’s been times where she’s gotten so drunk she had to crash at a friends house. i want to enjoy friends as girls outside of motherhood and being a wife but i dont feel like this is how it should be

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.
Add a comment
Avatar

No you aren't the problem. I don't know her so I'm not going to say she is a problem but I've seen this dynamic play out and it ends in divorce when women prefer to go out by themselves especially if it's to get attention. Me and my husband actually are in a similar situation where we prefer to do most things together- although he has plenty of guy time and I get to work with my best friend so I luckily see my friends a lot. On the flip side we have friends who have always preferred to do things separate and are now getting divorced. Spending time and enjoying spending time with your spouse is a good thing. Of course we all need time on our own a healthy balance

Avatar

That aint right to me like why would she want all the male attention when she's NEWLY MARRIED?! Surely the only male attention she should want is her husband's or am I being too close minded? 🤔 Sorry it's just my view

Avatar

it sounds like she is trying to live like a single girl on the weekends to forget her mom/wife life 😅 you’re nta, you’re the normal one 😅. it’s normal to go out with friends and have a drink or two every once in a while to let go of responsibilities and feel like an old version of yourself again, but getting absolutely wasted drunk and needing to escape every single weekend when your children need you is not normal or okay. she might be going through a dark time? maybe she is fighting with her husband or something is wrong in the relationship and that’s why she wants a lot of attention outside of her relationship and doesn’t want to do double dates. maybe she is depressed and it’s her way of coping?

Read more on Peanut

Trending

in our community

Advice

I just had a break up and I can’t make up my mind for the life of me on what’s going to happen from here and I keep going back and forth on my decisions upsetting friends and family… which one would you decide

GO BACK HOME — NORTH CAROLINA

Pros

* More family/friend support.
* More help with the baby.
* You wouldn’t have to depend as heavily on your ex for help.
* You could have family support while going to LPN school.
* You wouldn’t be navigating everything alone while newly separated.
* Lower chance of staying somewhere mainly because you’re hoping the relationship comes back together.
* Could give you emotional and physical distance from the breakup.
* You already have connections/a life there.
* You’ve been looking into LPN programs there, so you could still move forward with school.
* Your mom/family could potentially help with the kids while you get yourself established.

Cons

* It’s about 1,000 miles away.
* You don’t really want to feel like you’re starting over.
* You may feel like moving home means the relationship officially ended.
* You may wonder, “What if I stayed and we worked things out?”
* You’re worried Tennessee could feel lonely romantically.
* Moving all of your belongings that far is expensive and difficult.
* Your baby would be farther away from her dad.
* Co-parenting could become more complicated.
* You have custody/legal considerations involving your other child that need to be factored in separately.
* You may feel embarrassed or disappointed about returning home after building a life in Texas.

STAY IN TEXAS

Pros

* You don’t have to make a 1,000-mile move immediately.
* You keep the life you’ve already started building here.
* Baby stays close to her dad.
* Easier for him to actually help with the baby if he follows through.
* You can pursue LVN school here.
* You don’t have to uproot the kids again.
* You get a chance to see what life in Texas looks like without making your relationship the center of it.
* If reconciliation ever happened, distance wouldn’t be an obstacle.

Cons

* Much less family support.
* You could end up handling the baby and school largely by yourself.
* His promises to help have been inconsistent.
* You could unintentionally stay because you’re waiting to see whether he changes his mind.
* Seeing/hearing about his single life may make healing harder.
* Childcare is a major issue if you start nursing school.
* Financially, establishing yourself alone could be harder.
* If you eventually decide to move anyway, you may spend money getting established here only to move later.
* Being physically close to him could keep you emotionally stuck in the back-and-forth.

Avatar

22

Lonely 🫠

I guess this is just my way of venting but maternity leave is the loneliness thing in the world.. don’t get me wrong I’m so grateful and happy to be with my baby and I love seeing them change daily and having the privilege to be their mum.

It’s just having a baby has really highlighted the fact I have absolutely no friends to do stuff with? I just want to have a girls day out, go to a book shop have a cheeky couple of drinks some nice food! Get dressed up feel good again but it’s literally just me and the baby.

Avatar

2

3

Starting to think I don’t have people

I’ve been looking for my people since I was very young. Like 5. I’ve never had a friend. I’ve also lived all over the country. Yet still can’t find anyone I click with. It’s really frustrating. I’m a stay at home mom that can’t drive so my life is just a prison in a nutshell

Avatar

11

Friends

Hi mamas🦋
So I plan on moving to Texas next year! I currently live in Las Vegas(absolutely don’t like it) but I’m originally from California. I want to start making Texas friends!! I am 27 years old with two boys, ages 4 months & 1 years old. I want to go on trail ride & explore Texas when i touch down! Let’s be friends!!

Avatar

1

24

Finding your people second time round?

We moved to the area 6 years ago and I’ve always struggled to find genuine friendships that go beyond a hello. We have one amazing couple we’re really close to, but they’ve moved further away and now have a couple of children themselves, so seeing each other is harder.

I’m due my second baby in a few weeks and I’m feeling quite anxious about maternity leave this time. With my first, I had so much optimism about making mum friends. I met two amazing mums through antenatal classes and we became incredibly close, spending 3 to 5 days a week together, often with our husbands too. I genuinely thought they’d be lifelong friends, but things turned horrible after maternity leave ended and we’re no longer friends.

I met lots of other lovely mums through baby groups, but never really clicked with anyone, and because I was so wrapped up in those two antenatal friendships, I didn’t develop any of the other friendships further. So now I feel like I’m back at square one.

I’ll do baby groups again, but I found 95% of mums were first time mums last time. Do second time mums just not go to groups as much because they already have their people? Where do you actually find other mums with a toddler and a newborn?

I’d love to find a little group of mums in the same boat, to do maternity leave with and also stay friends beyond it. My husband is amazing, but he’s really the only regular, dependable person I have nearby, and I’m genuinely worried about feeling isolated after this birth. I already feel it now.

I’ve tried other toddler/baby groups recently with no luck. I even left one before because I could feel myself about to burst into tears when all the first time mums with babies naturally sat together, one even took my seat when I got up to attend to my toddler.

I find myself scanning cafes and baby groups for mums who look like they might be in the same situation, thinking, I wish I could just go and talk to them!

I don’t want to constantly be looking for my people. I just want to have them and enjoy the friendships.

So if you’ve successfully found your friendship group after having baby number two, where did you meet them and what actually worked?

Avatar

3

More batch cooks 👩🏽‍🍳🍽️

Last week it was babies turn, this week - mine! All homemade, veggies packed in (yup I have to do this for the partner to eat them! 🤣), and even got use of the leftover sweet potato and lentils from babies purée - so no waste! 🫶🏼
20 meals all together done, dusted and ready to freeze 🍽️

Avatar

5

3

Read more on Peanut