in

England

Is this normal behaviour?

I was almost three months postpartum after having a C-section, with a crying baby and very little sleep. I hadn’t been sleeping properly for weeks. My husband was working during the day, and when he came home at night, he would help me a little with the baby before going to sleep because he had to work again the next day.

When my baby was almost three months old, my husband had a week off work because his parents were coming to visit for the first time to meet the baby. I had so many expectations. I hoped that his mum would help me, or at least offer to help.

The house was a mess and desperately needed cleaning. At that point, I was extremely anxious and sleep-deprived because the baby would only sleep in my arms. Since giving birth, the only times I had left the house were for the baby’s doctor appointments. I wasn’t okay.

So, when my in-laws arrived, I expected that they might at least offer to help with some household chores. But they didn’t. Every evening, my husband and his parents would sit downstairs, drinking and spending time together. When nighttime came, they went to bed. Meanwhile, I was upstairs trying to settle the baby.

I had to text my husband multiple times and ask him to come and hold the baby so that I could get even an hour of sleep. When he did come, he didn’t say anything, but I felt as though I was ruining his time with his parents. That happened every night.

The next day, the three of them went out to visit nearby places while I was left at home alone with the baby because there wasn’t enough space in the car. The following day, my husband invited his friends—a family with a four-year-old child—to meet his parents.

The house became even messier because nobody was cleaning, while everyone was contributing to the mess, including me.There were bottles and breast pump parts everywhere because I was pumping milk, and I simply didn’t have the time or energy to keep everything tidy.

While his friends were visiting, they cooked something outside. The three of them—my husband and his parents—went outside together, while my husband’s friend, while his wife and their daughter, were left inside the house alone. I went downstairs to keep them company while holding my baby. After a few minutes, the baby woke up and started crying.

I remember feeling exhausted and overwhelmed. I was wearing dirty clothes with milk stains on them, I hadn’t showered for days, and I felt like I was about to cry.

I went back upstairs with the baby, settled him, and then returned downstairs. By then, they had set the table and started eating while I was still holding the baby.

That’s when my mother-in-law said, “I would take the baby so you could eat, but he will cry, so…” And then they simply continued eating.

That night, I told my husband that I didn’t like how I was being treated and that I needed help. He did help me, but the feeling was still there. He looked at me as though I was the worst person for keeping him away from his parents or ruining his time with them.

Eventually, it was time for his parents to go home. They left behind a mess, and my husband took them to the airport while I was left at home sorting everything out.

Later, I spoke to my husband again about their behaviour. I explained exactly what had been bothering me. He told me that he understood and that he was sorry.

But since then, he has continued to look at me in the same way he did when his parents were here, and he still doesn’t help much with the baby.

What bothers me the most is that I now feel as though I did something wrong.

I keep questioning myself and wondering whether I was wrong for feeling upset, overwhelmed, and disappointed. But at that time, I was a first-time mother recovering from a C-section, severely sleep-deprived, isolated, anxious, and struggling to cope. I wasn’t asking for perfection. I wasn’t asking anyone to take over completely. I just needed support.

And instead of feeling supported, I felt invisible, and to be honest, I am ashamed for what happened. I am ashamed that happened to me.

Sorry for the long story, but I need someone to tell me that I am not crazy for feeling left out.