Coparent asking to use my bathroom
For background, we’ve not been on the best terms. This annoys me and I find it so odd and intrusive! My son’s dad drops him off at my house. They usually either come from his house, or from being out at a public place with bathrooms. Every so often, he will ask to use my bathroom. It makes me uncomfortable. We have a very small place with one bathroom, and I don’t want him in my space. Usually, I reluctantly say okay. But today I had just got out of the shower and the bathroom was not the neatest/cleanest. I said, the bathroom’s kind of messy. He reluctantly said, okay, like I’m a jerk. I’m just like, use your own bathroom, or use the bathroom at the public place you just came from!
Do you find it odd that my coparent asks to use my bathroom?
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Its not weird, but youre also allowed to say no.
I think there’s a couple things I’d consider if I was in your shoes.
Is this the hill you want to die on?
Is there a bigger battle that results from this one?
Does this keep the peace?
If this is the hill then say no and don’t budge after that, ever. It’s always a no and then hopefully he’ll stop asking eventually.
Idk when I’ve gotta pee I’ve gotta pee.
If we once upon a time got along well enough to make a child come about together, I’d be very comfortable asking if I can use their bathroom 🤷♀️
Like in my brain it’s not weird of them to ask, unless they are a weirdo snoopy person.
But if they genuinely need to use the bathroom, for me it would be a treat others how you want to be treated situation.
It would annoy me because like why couldn’t he have gone before he left. I would begin to suspect he wanted to be nosy and go through my shit, like to see if maybe another guy’s things are in there.
I think that’s weird. Me and my ex husband don’t go into each others house. We’ve never even asked. Idk it’s just an unspoken rule for us I guess. It keeps the boundaries.
I mean if he's doing it all the time it's kind of weird. If he was a nanny or something I'd say no it's not so weird, but given the fact you have history and are separated it gives off slight encroachment vibes. I may be projecting or reading too much into it myself, but if he's not a part of your life like that he shouldn't feel entitled to waltz into your space, especially if it makes you uncomfortable
It’s wierd if it’s always happening.
And also u don’t like it so u need to put a stop to it
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Coparent asking to use my bathroom
For background, we’ve not been on the best terms. This annoys me and I find it so odd and intrusive! My son’s dad drops him off at my house. They usually either come from his house, or from being out at a public place with bathrooms. Every so often, he will ask to use my bathroom. It makes me uncomfortable. We have a very small place with one bathroom, and I don’t want him in my space. Usually, I reluctantly say okay. But today I had just got out of the shower and the bathroom was not the neatest/cleanest. I said, the bathroom’s kind of messy. He reluctantly said, okay, like I’m a jerk. I’m just like, use your own bathroom, or use the bathroom at the public place you just came from!
Do you find it odd that my coparent asks to use my bathroom?
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9
Should I give him an overnight
My bd has 6 hour visits on Saturdays rn, yesterday I was soooo overstimulated and energy just wiped…I nearly called him to come get his daughter 😩😭 he’s currently on a step up plan and this is week 4 I think? I feel like I need time w/o the baby…she’s 3. Should I tell him to keep her until the morning? Or should I still to the plan and stuck it up? I just don’t wanna make the wrong move, but I know sometimes when a lot is going on space is good for everybody 😞🫠🥲
1
7
Is this normal behaviour?
I was almost three months postpartum after having a C-section, with a crying baby and very little sleep. I hadn’t been sleeping properly for weeks. My husband was working during the day, and when he came home at night, he would help me a little with the baby before going to sleep because he had to work again the next day.
When my baby was almost three months old, my husband had a week off work because his parents were coming to visit for the first time to meet the baby. I had so many expectations. I hoped that his mum would help me, or at least offer to help.
The house was a mess and desperately needed cleaning. At that point, I was extremely anxious and sleep-deprived because the baby would only sleep in my arms. Since giving birth, the only times I had left the house were for the baby’s doctor appointments. I wasn’t okay.
So, when my in-laws arrived, I expected that they might at least offer to help with some household chores. But they didn’t. Every evening, my husband and his parents would sit downstairs, drinking and spending time together. When nighttime came, they went to bed. Meanwhile, I was upstairs trying to settle the baby.
I had to text my husband multiple times and ask him to come and hold the baby so that I could get even an hour of sleep. When he did come, he didn’t say anything, but I felt as though I was ruining his time with his parents. That happened every night.
The next day, the three of them went out to visit nearby places while I was left at home alone with the baby because there wasn’t enough space in the car. The following day, my husband invited his friends—a family with a four-year-old child—to meet his parents.
The house became even messier because nobody was cleaning, while everyone was contributing to the mess, including me.There were bottles and breast pump parts everywhere because I was pumping milk, and I simply didn’t have the time or energy to keep everything tidy.
While his friends were visiting, they cooked something outside. The three of them—my husband and his parents—went outside together, while my husband’s friend, while his wife and their daughter, were left inside the house alone. I went downstairs to keep them company while holding my baby. After a few minutes, the baby woke up and started crying.
I remember feeling exhausted and overwhelmed. I was wearing dirty clothes with milk stains on them, I hadn’t showered for days, and I felt like I was about to cry.
I went back upstairs with the baby, settled him, and then returned downstairs. By then, they had set the table and started eating while I was still holding the baby.
That’s when my mother-in-law said, “I would take the baby so you could eat, but he will cry, so…” And then they simply continued eating.
That night, I told my husband that I didn’t like how I was being treated and that I needed help. He did help me, but the feeling was still there. He looked at me as though I was the worst person for keeping him away from his parents or ruining his time with them.
Eventually, it was time for his parents to go home. They left behind a mess, and my husband took them to the airport while I was left at home sorting everything out.
Later, I spoke to my husband again about their behaviour. I explained exactly what had been bothering me. He told me that he understood and that he was sorry.
But since then, he has continued to look at me in the same way he did when his parents were here, and he still doesn’t help much with the baby.
What bothers me the most is that I now feel as though I did something wrong.
I keep questioning myself and wondering whether I was wrong for feeling upset, overwhelmed, and disappointed. But at that time, I was a first-time mother recovering from a C-section, severely sleep-deprived, isolated, anxious, and struggling to cope. I wasn’t asking for perfection. I wasn’t asking anyone to take over completely. I just needed support.
And instead of feeling supported, I felt invisible, and to be honest, I am ashamed for what happened. I am ashamed that happened to me.
Sorry for the long story, but I need someone to tell me that I am not crazy for feeling left out.
5
Would you rather?
Never have to do laundry or dishes ?
16
Advice needed
Advice needed please! My 2 year old has been getting over excited and just lays on the couch and bed and just hits and kicks over and over again. Started with just diaper changes but now he’s doing it a lot more. He will kick me so hard. We have a spinning chair for him to use when he needs some sensory help but he hasn’t been using it. He keeps screaming “petal” so I know he’s pretending he’s on a bike but I’m so overwhelmed on how to stop this. He doesn’t listen to no or stop or anything.
3
6
Fearless dad vs worry mum
I need your help !
I feel like we mother naturally worry more for our baby. I constantly look for any hazards and dangers and being maybe a little overbearing at times
My partner is fearless ( but he of course always make sure baby is safe ).
We have had a heated discussion this evening. Tell me if I’m being unreasonable.
He wanted to put our 13 month in his lap and slide down the stairs . I interfered straight away and he got frustrated because she is safe with him.
I just don’t want her to learn that the stairs is a fun toy and sliding down it if (god forbid ) she would get to it unsupervised. I feel like you can have fun with your child without being reckless .
But my partner thinks I’m being to anxious and it’s harmless . But I feel like it is very valid . What do you think ?
5
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