Heartbroken
I really need some advice because I feel completely lost.
I’m sorry this is long, but I honestly don’t know where else to turn.
I have a baby with my partner, and recently I found out that he has got another woman pregnant. I am absolutely devastated. There were also messages between them that I have seen, and some of the things I read have completely destroyed my trust in him.
He tells me that he doesn’t love her, doesn’t want anything to do with her and that they are no longer in contact. But after everything that has happened, I genuinely don’t know how I am supposed to believe anything he says anymore.
What makes it even harder is that when I try to talk to him about it, he gets angry with me for crying or being upset and tells me I’m being “mental” and that I’m overreacting. He has also said that because we aren’t technically together, he is allowed to go out. Tonight, for example, he is going to the same pub where he met this woman, with the same friends who enabled what happened before. I told him how incredibly disrespectful that feels to me, especially while I am still trying to process everything, and his response was essentially that we aren’t together so he can do what he wants.
I honestly don’t know what I want anymore. I love him, but I don’t think I can ever trust him again. At the same time, I’m struggling to accept the idea of breaking up my baby’s family. I never wanted my child to grow up in this situation.
My biggest problem is that I feel trapped financially.
I have around £13,000 of debt and take home approximately £2,329.89 a month. I’m a teacher and have to return to work on 1st September. I currently have roughly £500 a month going towards debt, alongside childcare, food, baby expenses, transport and other bills.
I have spoken to Citizens Advice and they suggested a Debt Management Plan, but I’m terrified of what that could mean for my credit and my ability to eventually get somewhere for me and my baby.
I keep thinking that I just want to pack a bag, take my baby and leave, but I have nowhere to go and I don’t know how I would financially manage on my own.
I feel completely broken and overwhelmed. I’m trying to be strong for my baby, but I genuinely don’t know what my next step should be.
If anyone has been in a similar situation, I would really appreciate honest advice — particularly about leaving with a baby when you’re financially trapped, debt management, housing, benefits/support I might be entitled to, and how you actually start rebuilding your life when you feel like you have absolutely nothing figured out.
Please be kind. I’m already struggling more than I can put into words.
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What does “technically not together” mean? Are you a couple or not?
Were you already split up when he got this other woman pregnant?
Is he planning on not being involved in this other child’s life?
We were a couple until I found out. We are no longer a couple but share a rented home. I have no idea, he says not but I don’t believe him and to be honest him completely abandoning a child is worse is some ways.
Don't fight for an unhealthy relationship because you don't want to break up a relationship for the sake of your child. Your emotional health is what will keep that child safe and happy. My mother stayed for "our sake" I really wish she didn't for multiple reasons. Your child needs to see a relationship that demonstrates respect and this man does not respect you! I don't think anyone separated from their partner ever expects to find themselves in that situation so you're not alone ❤️ be the role model for your child and respect yourself!
In terms of what to do next, speak to someone from universal credit or go on a website called entitledto which is a benefits calculator and it will give you a breakdown if you're entitled to anything. Move out, get your own space even if it's a small apartment temporarily or contact your council, contact the people you owe and work out a new payment plan that is affordable for you just whilst you're setting yourself up and IVA will have the most
Move out or just get a PPO against him which would force him out. Either way, you shouldn’t have to live with a person who sleeps around constantly impregnating people they don’t care for and ignoring the babies. He obviously is living an unsafe lifestyle & doesn’t care about the consequences.
Danm girl, this is some serious shit. He cannot be trusted. Please listen to your gut feeling and get out.
You and your baby don’t deserve this.
You need time to actually prioritise yourself and your baby, the fact that he's not planning to be in the other child's life speaks volumes about him. He's not the father either of these children deserve - pm me anytime if you wanna talk some more xx
Somebody who's genuinely sorry would acknowledge your feelings and apologise for hurting you. Someone who wants to save a relationship would understand the damage to the trust and would be asking what they can do earn it back again. If he's gaslighting you by calling you "mental", and is using your distress as an opportunity to declare himself single and making the most of it, he's neither sorry nor invested in saving the relationship. It's ok to not be the only invested party. In the long run, it'll cost you far more to stay. Best of luck mama.
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Heartbroken
I really need some advice because I feel completely lost.
I’m sorry this is long, but I honestly don’t know where else to turn.
I have a baby with my partner, and recently I found out that he has got another woman pregnant. I am absolutely devastated. There were also messages between them that I have seen, and some of the things I read have completely destroyed my trust in him.
He tells me that he doesn’t love her, doesn’t want anything to do with her and that they are no longer in contact. But after everything that has happened, I genuinely don’t know how I am supposed to believe anything he says anymore.
What makes it even harder is that when I try to talk to him about it, he gets angry with me for crying or being upset and tells me I’m being “mental” and that I’m overreacting. He has also said that because we aren’t technically together, he is allowed to go out. Tonight, for example, he is going to the same pub where he met this woman, with the same friends who enabled what happened before. I told him how incredibly disrespectful that feels to me, especially while I am still trying to process everything, and his response was essentially that we aren’t together so he can do what he wants.
I honestly don’t know what I want anymore. I love him, but I don’t think I can ever trust him again. At the same time, I’m struggling to accept the idea of breaking up my baby’s family. I never wanted my child to grow up in this situation.
My biggest problem is that I feel trapped financially.
I have around £13,000 of debt and take home approximately £2,329.89 a month. I’m a teacher and have to return to work on 1st September. I currently have roughly £500 a month going towards debt, alongside childcare, food, baby expenses, transport and other bills.
I have spoken to Citizens Advice and they suggested a Debt Management Plan, but I’m terrified of what that could mean for my credit and my ability to eventually get somewhere for me and my baby.
I keep thinking that I just want to pack a bag, take my baby and leave, but I have nowhere to go and I don’t know how I would financially manage on my own.
I feel completely broken and overwhelmed. I’m trying to be strong for my baby, but I genuinely don’t know what my next step should be.
If anyone has been in a similar situation, I would really appreciate honest advice — particularly about leaving with a baby when you’re financially trapped, debt management, housing, benefits/support I might be entitled to, and how you actually start rebuilding your life when you feel like you have absolutely nothing figured out.
Please be kind. I’m already struggling more than I can put into words.
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