Bit of a rant

Is it just me who is a bit sick of having to ask for help?

I get that if you don’t ask people don’t know you need it but sometimes I just want someone to take care of me for a change, like take my baby and tell me to go nap or have a nice morning to myself.

I’ve became the default parent during the night. I woke my partner up to watch her for 5 mins while I did something after being awake for almost an hour, then once I was done he was just like okay I’m gonna go back to bed - is it too much to ask for someone to say, I’ll take over and you can get sleep? Then he doesn’t get why I’m annoyed now. I’ve become resentful that even when I get him up and he does take over it’s because I can no longer stay awake and it’s like I still have to ask for him to take over.
Editing to say he does do a lot during the day when he’s not at work but I feel like at night it’s different.

I climbed into bed without having food last night (ended off waking for it) because my body was telling me to, like I just get so exhausted sometimes and it feels like I am just not seen, like I just want someone to notice and do nice things for me.

Sorry for the rant but is anyone else feeling like this?

in our community

Is this normal behaviour?

I was almost three months postpartum after having a C-section, with a crying baby and very little sleep. I hadn’t been sleeping properly for weeks. My husband was working during the day, and when he came home at night, he would help me a little with the baby before going to sleep because he had to work again the next day.

When my baby was almost three months old, my husband had a week off work because his parents were coming to visit for the first time to meet the baby. I had so many expectations. I hoped that his mum would help me, or at least offer to help.

The house was a mess and desperately needed cleaning. At that point, I was extremely anxious and sleep-deprived because the baby would only sleep in my arms. Since giving birth, the only times I had left the house were for the baby’s doctor appointments. I wasn’t okay.

So, when my in-laws arrived, I expected that they might at least offer to help with some household chores. But they didn’t. Every evening, my husband and his parents would sit downstairs, drinking and spending time together. When nighttime came, they went to bed. Meanwhile, I was upstairs trying to settle the baby.

I had to text my husband multiple times and ask him to come and hold the baby so that I could get even an hour of sleep. When he did come, he didn’t say anything, but I felt as though I was ruining his time with his parents. That happened every night.

The next day, the three of them went out to visit nearby places while I was left at home alone with the baby because there wasn’t enough space in the car. The following day, my husband invited his friends—a family with a four-year-old child—to meet his parents.

The house became even messier because nobody was cleaning, while everyone was contributing to the mess, including me.There were bottles and breast pump parts everywhere because I was pumping milk, and I simply didn’t have the time or energy to keep everything tidy.

While his friends were visiting, they cooked something outside. The three of them—my husband and his parents—went outside together, while my husband’s friend, while his wife and their daughter, were left inside the house alone. I went downstairs to keep them company while holding my baby. After a few minutes, the baby woke up and started crying.

I remember feeling exhausted and overwhelmed. I was wearing dirty clothes with milk stains on them, I hadn’t showered for days, and I felt like I was about to cry.

I went back upstairs with the baby, settled him, and then returned downstairs. By then, they had set the table and started eating while I was still holding the baby.

That’s when my mother-in-law said, “I would take the baby so you could eat, but he will cry, so…” And then they simply continued eating.

That night, I told my husband that I didn’t like how I was being treated and that I needed help. He did help me, but the feeling was still there. He looked at me as though I was the worst person for keeping him away from his parents or ruining his time with them.

Eventually, it was time for his parents to go home. They left behind a mess, and my husband took them to the airport while I was left at home sorting everything out.

Later, I spoke to my husband again about their behaviour. I explained exactly what had been bothering me. He told me that he understood and that he was sorry.

But since then, he has continued to look at me in the same way he did when his parents were here, and he still doesn’t help much with the baby.

What bothers me the most is that I now feel as though I did something wrong.

I keep questioning myself and wondering whether I was wrong for feeling upset, overwhelmed, and disappointed. But at that time, I was a first-time mother recovering from a C-section, severely sleep-deprived, isolated, anxious, and struggling to cope. I wasn’t asking for perfection. I wasn’t asking anyone to take over completely. I just needed support.

And instead of feeling supported, I felt invisible, and to be honest, I am ashamed for what happened. I am ashamed that happened to me.

Sorry for the long story, but I need someone to tell me that I am not crazy for feeling left out.

Coparent asking to use my bathroom

For background, we’ve not been on the best terms. This annoys me and I find it so odd and intrusive! My son’s dad drops him off at my house. They usually either come from his house, or from being out at a public place with bathrooms. Every so often, he will ask to use my bathroom. It makes me uncomfortable. We have a very small place with one bathroom, and I don’t want him in my space. Usually, I reluctantly say okay. But today I had just got out of the shower and the bathroom was not the neatest/cleanest. I said, the bathroom’s kind of messy. He reluctantly said, okay, like I’m a jerk. I’m just like, use your own bathroom, or use the bathroom at the public place you just came from!

Do you find it odd that my coparent asks to use my bathroom?

Am I being emotional?

My husband and I have always been very honest about boundaries, especially about not having close friends of the opposite sex because we both have been cheated on...

I noticed he is texting his best friends wife almost every day. And I mentioned it one day and said "thats a lot of paragraphs going out to another woman"

He said his ex got mad about him being friends with this woman so he stopped talking to her and it made them mad because he basically ghosted her. And in the end his ex was the one cheating not him. All I said was its just not a good look...I know they have all been friends a long time

I am 29 weeks pregnant so I know I may be emotional... but I want to know do you guys think its inappropriate for a married man to text a married woman every day? I dont think its sexual, but i feel like thats an emotional connection to another woman, especially since her husband (his best friend) is going through some depression and kind of checking out.

Meanwhile my husband is in the gym 6 days a week looking the best hes ever looked while im pregnant with our third baby just getting bigger and bigger every day.

Fearless dad vs worry mum

I need your help !

I feel like we mother naturally worry more for our baby. I constantly look for any hazards and dangers and being maybe a little overbearing at times

My partner is fearless ( but he of course always make sure baby is safe ).

We have had a heated discussion this evening. Tell me if I’m being unreasonable.

He wanted to put our 13 month in his lap and slide down the stairs . I interfered straight away and he got frustrated because she is safe with him.

I just don’t want her to learn that the stairs is a fun toy and sliding down it if (god forbid ) she would get to it unsupervised. I feel like you can have fun with your child without being reckless .

But my partner thinks I’m being to anxious and it’s harmless . But I feel like it is very valid . What do you think ?

HELP

I love my son with my whole heart. He truly was a gift from God that I didn’t know I needed…..but, is it bad to say I kind of miss my life before him. I used to be happy everyday and have so many friends and have fun all the time and I miss living that and now I can’t ever do anything for myself, can’t ever get a break, can’t even take a shower without being told to hurry up, can’t get a babysitter to go out for a friends birthday bc it’s “called being a parent”. I guess I’m just jealous bc my whole life changed but my S/O’s seemed to have not at all…..

The mental load - an exame

My partner is a great dad - does so much with the kids but I try to explain how organising everyone can get so oberwhelming (planning meals, organising the calendar , doctors, sizing up clothes etc, you know the kind of stuff).

He's always saying, give me stuff, I want you to feel less stressed.

So I ask hik to get the kids' feet measured at Clarks (cos he was going to town with them).

He got them measured. Eldest was same size. Youngest was a half size bigger (4.5-5) and was wearing a 4.

I asked, so what shoes did you get him.

He says 'well you didn't tell me to get shoes'.

I kid you not, the man had the audacity to say 'your instructions weren't clear enough'.

I'm sorry, did you not know your children need new clothes and shoes when they outgrow them ?

So we've went today to get shoes. Saving me zero time at all on that job.

I kmow this is a tiny example and sure, I didn't say get new. But, 2 weeks before I even asked, I knew he prob might need new shoes.

This mental gymnastics is what men don't seem to understand.

My piss boiled even more when he said 'we'll if I told you the tyre needed air in it, you wouldn't think to change the tyre would you?'
No sir, cause the car hasn't outgrown its tyre every few months 🙈🙈