Parenting with chronically ill husband

That's a really tough situation to be in, I'm so sorry. From the outside looking in I completely don't think you're being unreasonable. After having my son I have been having health issues that make me so tired and fatigued most days, but I still do what needs to be done most days and my husband helps out. I don't mean to compare, everyone and every relationship is different, but it sounds like he has no care for your needs and what your body has gone through to bring your kids into the world. If you have tried talking to him multiple times and nothing changes and he refuses to try therapy I think he's given you his answer.

Can I ask what some of his symptoms are? Because what you are describing doesnt sound like ibs necessarily but i dont know all the symptoms he has, I have ibs and but obviously mine is diagnosed. Being undiagnosed I guess could be leading to him being frustrated and some stuff could lead to deficiencies which could be why he is fatiqued all the time and being moody I know because I had a vitamin d and folic acid deficiency making me feel that way last year, maybe he could try get tested for a deficiency if they have done stool samples and colonaspy blood tests and different scans and they are all clear of everything else its likely ibs. Could it be that he has pots or fibromyalia or something like that. I can see how from your side its frustrating but I can also see from his side why he is struggling if you get what I mean

My sister lives a similar life to you only she’s the ones with the with the IBS diagnosis, but it’s so extreme that it’s most likely not IBS and something undiagnosed. She’s the primary parent and her partner is lazy like yours.

I’m sorry that you are going through this. I understand this from both sides. I also have chronic illness and some days it can be completely debilitating and my husband has to carry the weight of our family. He often - most of
The time - carries more than me because I literally can’t… my chronic illness is managed but I am still in the thick of it and not in remission. But I also feel immense guilt about not being able to give more. We are actively making decisions together about parenting and how to parent together with my chronic illness.

I also work with clients who have chronic illness diagnosed or not and the toll it takes on you is very real and not visible - which makes it very hard for them and those around them.

That all being said, it’s important that you feel seen and that you both communicate needs and frustrations.

I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease and just recently inflammatory arthritis. It’s hard, but I’m still primary parent and in charge of the most the house stuff, as my husband works long hours.
I had some sympathy for him until you said he refuses to make any lifestyle changes. I think you need a serious talk with him, so he understands how unacceptable this is. You deserve a real partner, not a man child.