Mess at home triggering husband

My advice is for your husband to get a grip and get over it! She's 3, let her have fun.
By all means start getting her to help tidying up after herself, get her to put away anything she isn't playing with right now. Make it fun, do it to music etc. But the reality is you have 2 young children and other than very brief periods (like when they are asleep 😅) your house is going to be messy and covered in toys!
Embrace the chaos, they grow up so fast!

If you're husband wants limited mess with only a couple of toys out at a time I would suggest that HE looks into montessori at home and then HE can take charge of setting up appropriate toy shelves and organising toys by interest, then HE can pay close attention to your toddlers current interest and HE can rotate the toys on a weekly basis. Or he can just learn to deal with the mess. Those are pretty much his only options.

This really pisses me off. If he's getting triggered he can also clean tf up and help you. I am sure his excuse is he's at work all day 😒 looks like they all do this because I've heard so many and I also went through it. I told mine to buy a bigger house 😅😅 and also clean up or shut it ty. Reality is it's a lived in house and till they are all off to school full time the house will look the part. And for those houses that look like magazine houses yet they have kids .. I feel bad for those kids as it means they can't express themselves. Unless ofcourse there's massive space and a dedicated play room and a daily cleaner 😒😅 However I decided not to do a playroom because it isolates the kids imo.

My husband is very similar. He’s in the army and he’s so used to everything being spotless and exactly where it should be. When he’s home he’s constantly cleaning up whatever the kids are doing even though I tell him it’s literally pointless and better to let them play and then when their in bed spend 20 minutes resetting everything instead of spending the whole day repeating the same tidying. In the nicest way possible I just ignore him now. If he wants to waste his time tidying then go at it as long as he’s not bothering me or the kids x

Throwing out the toys cuz he’s triggered can cause emotional distress to your child. He needs to learn to manage his triggers and learn emotional regulation like every other adult, cuz toddler messes ain’t worth getting triggered about.