in

California

The End

Hi Moms,

Remember my post about joining the Navy and potentially leaving my son with my husband while I’m away? The arrangement was contingent on me sending him all of the housing allowance, plus additional financial support.

There is a history of DV, and so many of you warned me that putting myself in that position could be extremely risky. You told me not to do it.

Well… update.

While I was helping my husband rebuild his resume and update his professional profiles, including LinkedIn, I discovered that he had been talking to another woman.

He denied it until I showed him what I found. Then he became quiet. No remorse. Nothing.

I didn’t want him anywhere near me after that, so I made him sleep on the floor.

Over Labor Day weekend, he spent the night somewhere else.

Then, to my absolute shock, I found out that he had sent naked pictures of me to friends, even his own brother.

He also took our only car without telling me where he was going and took all of the bank cards with him.

At this point, part of me just wants to go straight to the police and then to a DV shelter.

I’m nauseous. I keep feeling like I want to shower over and over again.

And in the middle of all of this, my son keeps asking me, “Where is Daddy?”

That is the part that breaks me.

I keep thinking about packing a bag, taking my child and leaving the moment I have the opportunity.

Then another part of me thinks about the trauma and instability this could create for my little boy. Maybe I should find a job, quietly become financially independent, prepare everything properly and then get us out.

I don’t know anymore.

My husband is 18 years older than me. I’m an expat here with no family support system, yet somehow I am expected to provide for him AND our son while trying to rebuild my own life.

I AM TIRED.

Tired of princess men.

Tired of liars.

Tired of being in survival mode.

And guess who looks like the bad person through the eyes of my son?

Me.

Because he is too little to understand what his father is doing, and I will not put that burden on his little soul or tell him adult things he should never have to carry.

As I’m writing this, it’s 2 pm the next day and he still isn’t home.

I genuinely don’t know whether I should pack our things and leave now, or stay long enough to secure a job and financially prepare my exit.

I could really use advice from moms who have been through something similar, especially those who had to leave without family nearby.