Ok so I’m opening up

Opening up about the most recent incident when he smashed our chest of drawers the night I came home with my newborn after giving birth because my daughter was screaming for “mummy” and not settling and because I wasn’t following his instructions of being in another room and came to soothe her.

Opening up about the times he’s called me a warthog, that I have big flappas since breastfeeding. He’s pointed out the rolls on my back this PP. He tells me my feet are crusty, always comments on my hair being a mess. I cannot remember the last time he said wow you look beautiful or anything along those lines. He says “when you get back in shape”- but the interesting thing is - when I was in shape he didn’t compliment me then anyway!

Opening up about how every single weekend and every single day we do whatever he wants to do. He likes walks, I don’t particularly but I allow him to make that our family weekend. He either takes my daughter for a walk and I miss her loads or I join and I’m never truly feeling it. If our hobbies were balanced I’d feel ALOT happier. But they are not.

Now - he pays for everything when we go out. Meals, food and he cooks dinner for me. He calls me “Matren” if I ask him for my water bottle for example he will say ok and what else do you want “Matren” I’m honestly sick and tired of being called these things. I told him today and he said - I’m sorry you can’t handle it? It’s weird that you can’t handle these teases I’m only teasing you. It’s lighthearted and I don’t mean it, I tease all my friends and family. They don’t mind

Am I just in my feels because I’m postpartum?

in our community

Baby dad threatening court….

Me and my children’s dad split at the end of April after 4 years together. We have two young children.

Since separating, contact has been extremely inconsistent. Initially he saw them at my house, but after name-calling, arguments and a history of emotional/domestic abuse and controlling behaviour, I told him he couldn’t come into my home anymore.

Since then, there have only been a handful of occasions where he has actually taken the children out and parented independently. He’s been late collecting them, returned them early and changed arrangements. He had his own home shortly after we split but never took the children there — contact has mainly been at his mum’s or friends’ houses.

He got a new girlfriend very soon after we split and, after around 12 weeks, gave up his own flat and moved into her house. He’s now making a bedroom for the children there and suddenly asking/demanding regular overnights and significantly more contact despite the previous inconsistency.

There are also concerns about his parenting. During the whole 3 years my eldest has been alive, he has essentially never dealt with nappies/poo because he’s openly said he hates doing it. I’ve come home before and found that a child hasn’t been properly cleaned, and I have messages about this.

There is also a history of controlling/threatening behaviour. Since separating, he has threatened to use photos of my house being messy against me. Those photos were from a period when I was struggling with postnatal depression and wasn’t receiving support from him. I also have messages where I’ve asked for financial help with things for the children and he’s refused, including saying he’d rather spend his money on drugs/other things.

My eldest is 3, suspected autistic and has just started nursery. I’m his main carer and neither child has ever stayed overnight away from me, so going from inconsistent contact to suddenly wanting regular overnights feels like a huge change.

I’m also concerned about the people and environment the children would be around during longer contact. His dad has previously driven with us while under the influence of drugs without me knowing at the time. I’ve also witnessed/heard behaviour from him towards my children that I found extremely concerning, including encouraging my 2-year-old to repeat a racial slur.

He has made repeatedly racist comments and has also said on multiple occasions that if either of the children were ever gay, he would disown them.

These aren’t things I’m comfortable ignoring when considering who my children are around, particularly for overnight contact.

More recently, their dad has started sending me very legal-looking messages about contact despite there currently being no court order or solicitors involved. He also turned up for contact with a high-back booster seat with no harness for my 3-year-old, which really concerned me.

I have messages/documentation relating to a lot of the above, so I’m not just going off memory.

I’m genuinely looking for experiences from mums who have been through something similar — particularly where a dad was inconsistent after separation and then suddenly wanted significantly more time/overnights, or where there was a history of domestic abuse/control and concerns about the wider family environment.

if CAFCASS/court/mediation became involved, how were things like inconsistent contact, parenting ability, domestic abuse and concerns about who the children were around taken into account?

I’d really appreciate genuine experiences rather than judgement. ❤️

Baby eating

Hey all. I have an 8 month old son who doesn’t seem to be that interested in eating food other than his formula. Does anyone else have this issue or did? Like he’ll pick up and eat some stuff but most of the time he doesn’t care for it.
Thoughts or suggestions on how to help with this?
Tomato face for answers.

Feeling heartbroken.

So my partner and I have been having issues for a long time and our relationship is not great. Though sometimes we seem quite happy. A few months ago we had a massive argument about him changing his phone password which culminated in me discovering that he doesn't trust me.

We have had arguments a lot and it all comes down to where we live, me not working, me being lazy, me not doing enough around the house, me not driving etc

So I have long felt like a loser, like a failure and like an awful daughter, sister, friend, partner and mum.

This morning, my partner asked me for help giving our kiddo his meds (recent minor surgery), so I did. Our kiddo was struggling and refusing to swallow so it spilled on my hand. In my exhaustion (brought on by my own actions) I raized my voice and slammed my hand on the sink.

Tried the medicine again, sane thing.

My partner then yelled at me to fucking go to bed and he would do it and that I was shoving the syringe in his mouth and hurting him. I said I was not, I was doing it how we had been but that of course he thinks I am hurting our kid, he always thinks that.

Our kiddo was upset and saying sorry and told kiddo it was ok and he didn't need to say sorry, he didn't do anything wrong.

My partner then blamed me for our kiddo saying sorry all the time.

I snapped thatnof course everything is my fault.

Then went bacj to bed.

I am devestated and have no idea where to go from here.

AITA

I need an outside view as I don’t have anyone to speak to.

We (husband and myself) lost our cat a month ago due to a clot he was 5. And we lost our other due to cancer in February

At the start of the year we had two cats and two dogs. The dogs had always been my husband. Not as in responsibility just that they’d be all over him when he was home. That’s great it suited me as I have 3 children to care for also. The cats were more me. Again not responsibility just they’d come to me to settle down with for kisses or fuss. We took turns feeding whoever was about at the time of needing.

Anyway. It’s been a month I now have no cats I’d been grieving and finally plucked up the courage to say I think I want one. Explained how the dogs were more him and now I have nothing. He so I thought got it and said he’d support me in whatever I wanted to do. I explained I didn’t want to force a new cat on him if he wasn’t ready. I got it i understood. He said if it was what I wanted he’d stand by that. I’ve mulled it over a few days kept asking his opinion I honestly didn’t want this to become a thing to upset anyone. Same response.

This morning I found a couple of kittens near by, went and visited and narrowed it down to two. I knew the girl by off chance and said I would let her know by the end of the day. I went home showed my husband he said I needed to choose which one and he went off to the shop to buy what we needed for her.

This bit matters. I went to visit at 12. WE decided at 1.30 he went shop at this time I fetched her at 2.30. At 3.30 he said she still needed somethings so went back to another few shops. Brought her a new bed bowls ect. While he was gone my son told me that my husband had been in the phone to his parents saying I emotional guilt tripped him into having a cat. He wasn’t ready for. And that I don’t give the dogs enough attention which isn’t fair.

Now I feel like shit and I’m struggling to attach myself to this kitten I can’t even name her because I feel I’ve done something wrong. I get up every morning and feed water the dogs and let them out and clean up after them everyday and I book appointments and give them medication the only thing I don’t do is bath them. I can’t speak to my husband about it because he will then take it out on my son because he told me everything and I don’t want that.

Was I wrong for bringing in this kitten??

Have you ever had to punch a pillow or throw something out of frustration from your children (but not in their presence)

I mean like taken yourself away to another room to get your anger and frustration out because of them?

Rant

I have no friends atm so just wanted to say this on here so I can get it off my chest. Our baby is 11 weeks and since he was born via emergency c section I have only attended appointments, immediate family houses and the occasional grocery shop trip where I pretty much wear joggers/trousers and a top with my hair in a messy bun. We had plans to see my husband’s friends and I wanted to get ready a little, straighten my hair and put a little makeup on. My husband asked why I needed to get ready as it was going to rain anyway and my hair would get ruined, and that I was taking too long and we needed to leave, not that he told me what time were leaving. I also have a baby to get ready. I got upset and said that I just wanted to get ready a little so I could feel somewhat normal and I got emotional as postpartum hasn’t been the easiest.

He then proceeded to yell at me asking me why i’m always crying, I said I just wanted to feel a little good about myself. Not sure why but he’s been really difficult with me since the baby was born, initially he helped with the night feeds but not for weeks now as i’m exclusively BF sp he gets to sleep well all night so I don’t think its because he’s agitated.

It really bothers me that men don’t know enough about postpartum and what we go through, the hormones and emotions that come with it. Am I overthinking it or am I in my right to get upset about this?