How to control postpartum anger and anxiety

I go through the same thing. I go walking when I feel like I’m going 2 explode. I don’t put music on since I notice that gets me more hyped so I just walk until I’m in a better head space. And then we continue our talk because by then both of us are more calm.

It sounds to me like your boyfriend is the problem, I’m sorry to say. I know I can be provocative sometimes because when my fiancé is in the wrong I absolutely cannot let it go but generally if things are getting heated, we both accept that we need space from each other and go to separate rooms and distract ourselves and usually it calms down when we have done that.

Does he work? I found it got worse when he returned to work and I became a stay-at-home-mum and he’d come back overtired and in a mood and I accepted that I wasn’t going to be getting any help with the little one in the week, so I’ve just tried not to interact with him much until he’s come home and had his wind-down time because my dad was a very angry man and caused me to have quite a traumatic childhood and I will do anything to stop my daughter from going through the same.

I went thru it too. We'd take a walk as a family to discuss issues bc it helped me to not be angry and we could get through the conversation. Plus fresh air is good for the babies

Totally, same. Last time I needed 24 hours to cool down to actually be able to talk with him aboout what happened! Pp anxiety+rage are real and even though it might be hard for him to get it, he needs to listen to you when you say you need space before you can talk. It's not productive if you're just shouting at him. It's better to cool down first. I know it's tricky because different people have different ways of dealing with conflict, so it might be hard for him to change his default mode of let's deal with all the issuea head on straight away. But if he won't listen to you, maybe you can find some research to point him to scientific evidence that supports your approach? My partner usually reacts well to these kinds of things. I also suggest looking into nonz-violent communication. It helped me and my partner get back on the right track in our pp communication challenges (even though, even that is probably not the most productive way to talk if you're right in the middle of a full on rage moment!).

I think asking for space when you can feel yourself getting to that point is actually really sensible 🤍 You’re much more likely to have a productive conversation once you’ve both calmed down, rather than trying to solve everything while you’re already overwhelmed.
You could agree on a set amount of time to cool off, then come back to the conversation when you’re ready. And if scrolling helps you regulate enough to listen, I wouldn’t automatically see that as you being rude. You’re recognising your trigger and trying not to explode, which is a good thing. 🥺🤍