How do you get your spouse to help with chores?

Make him a list Or stop doing stuff for him

We have designated chores in our house. We revisit it a few times a year to make sure it's still manageable for each of us. I have ADHD so its always really hard for me to manage tasks. So when it's really clear that it's my responsibility to unload the dishes for example and my husband knows it's his responsibility to load them, there's no confusion about whose job it is. Of course if I'm having a rough day and need more help, I only have to ask for it. And the same goes for him. But then at least you have a sustainable, consistent baseline.

I’m pretty direct about it. He only gets to use I’m tired or forgot so many times before what it really is it’s because it doesn’t matter to him.
Tell him he can spend $ on a housekeeper or a therapist because you communicating with him this way isn’t working. They always pick the housekeeper or if funds are tight they do it themselves before they have to start getting a bill.
I also make a pile of his stuff and shove it all into his part of the closet or side of the bed. Me cleaning up after myself and the kids is plenty. There’s no reason I should be cleaning up after a grown man too.

When your a parent there is no time to relax or "game" unless the kids are in bed asleep. Your "relax" time shouldn't affect moms alone time to shower or excuse you doing what needs to be done in the house.

Id sit down & have a heart to heart. Say exactly whats bothering you & ask how me feels....if he's receptive then say what you need from him & a suggestion on how its going to happen. If he's not receptive I suggest counseling, a mediator or getting a house cleaner/nanny because you can't make a grown adult change or understand of they don't want to.

One thing that works for us is Mon-Thurs I do the cooking/laundry, tending to dog, kids & nightly "shut down" routine which include cleaning the kitchen. Friday afternoon-Sun he handles the cooking, tends to the dogs, does the most with the kids & does the "shut down routine". Either Sat or Sunday we tackle the house cleaning & grocery shopping together.

I let my husband do his own laundry, if you just stop doing the things and let them pile up he will have to take the initiative to do it. Right now he likes that he gets away with it and doesn’t have to because you will just do it. It’s weaponized incompetence. Also, he should be spending time with the LO anyway - as a parent not as a chore.

If you make dinner he does the dishes. If you clean the downstairs, he cleans the upstairs. Try to start dividing tasks like this.

It is so frustrating because we get labeled as “bossy or nagging” My husband was away over the weekend and his bag/laundry is still by the front door. I’m not touching it, he can deal with it himself.

Cleaning up before date night is the way to go. Hire a babysitter for Saturday night and tell him you need to team up to get the house ready for her. Start by doing it every other week and try to get the cleaning to happen on the non-date weeks as well. Try to make it a habit that you wake up and tackle the house together Saturday morning. A chore chart is not sexy. Actual sex after a day of shared goals and completed projects is sexy and will get good buy in from your husband. Gl 🍀