in

Venting (judge free)

My husband

This is going to be a little tmi with my husband but yesterday I layed my son down for a nap while my husband was in the with him because we have a one bedroom apartment and my son is 6 almost 7 months old. Well I was playing a game on TV after I heard him go to bed for maybe five-ish minutes, after those five-ish minutes I went to go double check on him double check that he was actually asleep and that my husband is not playing with him so he can actually sleep in his crib. I walk into the room door was already open checked on him. He was sleeping and facing towards the bed where my husband was, and then I turned and looked at my husband, and he was jerking off, usually if he does that and he says the truth about it, I’m not gonna be mad. I might be a little disappointed, but not mad well, he lies about it. I figured out that he was completely uncovered so if my son woke up, he would be watching his dad jerk off, and my husband didn’t realize why I was so pissed and so I walked out of the room so me and him can talk about it. He then proceeds to use the Alexa to say my name and to come back into the bedroom instead of getting his ass up getting changed and then coming to talk to me he used our Alexa device to call for me to go back into the bedroom. He then refused to talk to me until I talk to him first. I was so pissed off and I did not wanna start an argument in front of our son who’s currently sleeping so I messaged him to come to a different room so we can talk. He didn’t so I messaged him about why he’s always lying to me about that stuff his reasoning was because he was embarrassed, which I get however when I told him I was mostly pissed at him doing it in the same room as my son who’s sleeping and being completely uncovered and just doing it in the room with him in general he got mad at me for it and started talking about how after our son was born about how we’d get in intimate while my son was sleeping in our bed. But he said I was the person that initiated it. I was terrified of any intimacy after having my son. I was traumatized anything going near me down there, but apparently I’m the one who initialized it. When I said that’s not true he started yelling through the phone saying yes it is.

This brings me to another incident maybe less than a week ago I came back from a good day at work, played with my son for a bit, gave him a bath after that I went to go take a shower and a bath and before that I said hey to my husband, I asked him if he could do me a favor and make sure that my son actually went to bed and if he cries, go answer and double check that he’s OK because he probably would’ve hit his head on the bars of his crib like he has done on accident, and if he did that I possibly would want to have intimacy well after my bath I was thinking about stuff in about our marriage and how I don’t want to be in this anymore. I don’t really love him anymore not since I was pregnant with our son and after he was never a true dad and never helped me out postpartum, I was thinking I don’t want to do this with him anymore. He was already in bed waiting for me because we haven’t been intimate in about a month and I let him know that hey I was thinking about things and I don’t want to be intimate, especially not in the same room with our son because he can wake up anytime, my husband proceeds to yell at me and wake up our son and instead of putting our son back to bed. He made me do it because he’s never done it before and refuses to even try. I told him I’m gonna be in the living room so that we can have a conversation and not yell in the same room as our son who’s currently sleeping so I walk out of the room and he proceeds to yell more at me. He wakes up our son again refuses to put him back to bed so I have to do it. This goes on for about two more times. By the way the yelling at me all four of those times was because I didn’t wanna have sex or be intimate, and he was trying to find ways to force me to be intimate like he has done so many times in the past.

This is how it’s been for almost 2 years with him and I said to his face a few days ago that I do not love him at all, and I don’t want to be with him. He faked his emotion of being shocked, and I could 100% tell whenever he fakes an emotion, what was worse was that him shocked or anything like that he had no emotion for it. He didn’t give him crap in the world but every time that I tell him I want divorce he takes my son and hold him hostage for me at his grandmother‘s house and if I call the police department either the sheriffs office or the regular PD they’ll tell me that he’s able to do that because he’s the father and that I can go days without seeing my kid but if I did that that would be kidnapping and I would never see my son again.

(Sorry if my wording sounds a little off and my grammar and punctuation is off, it’s because I was using voice to text.)