In-Law Issues
Does anyone else have issues with their mother-in-law?
I do. A lot of issues. Long story short (actually kinda long lol) this woman told me, while I was in active labor (with complications), I must have a lower pain tolerance than her. She told me her contractions were in the 200s and mine were very low. They should’ve been way higher. They were in the 60s-70s, and I looked it up. They were normal numbers and the machine maxes out at 100. She had kids over 20 years ago.
She stayed at my house without ever asking or telling me. She just assumed she could stay there while I was in labor. I am very guarded when it comes to my home. Even if you are family, I like to be home if you are there. She then over welcomed her stay. She basically wiggled her way so she could spend the night with me in the hospital instead of my own mom or sister. I felt guilted and rushed into it because “she’ll never get to see the baby”.
She insisted she should be my lactation consultant and saw my boobs. She never even tried to give me privacy, so I could latch my baby. She pretty much turned away all the lactation consultants that came by because she knew what she was doing.
She asked me when I would feel ready to be left alone with the baby. I had a total of 5 minutes of alone time with my baby. I had a very hard time bonding to her because of it. I wanted to be left alone with my baby. I told her she could go home that day we came home from the hospital and she stayed with us for another three days. Not one time did she leave the house to give my family alone time or privacy. Nothing. Never even offered.
She calls her son “baby” around me and instead of just referring the grandbaby as “my grandbaby” she calls her “our baby” inserting herself as per usual.
The day she did leave, she gave me unsolicited relationship advice which is funny considering her husband sleeps around on her and they don’t even live together. She only wears her wedding ring when it benefits her. She pretends her relationship is good instead of just facing the fact it was over several years ago when she actually left him.
I put in the effort to send pictures and to let her see my baby, but she stopped putting in effort months ago. Now it’s my fault. She claims I quit trying. I never did. We moved further away as she insisted we moved into the rental home because I needed to create a stable like for my child (it was already stable).
Now my hubby is frustrated with me and saying I’m acting like a child just like his mom. I don’t see what’s wrong in wanting an apology from her before I’ll give anymore effort. I’m tired of being the one nice to this woman who has never respected me. Not to mention I’m already having to be nice to his sister who referred to unborn child at the time, inbred, and pretty much cyberbullied me for a little bit. She also has been a terrible aunt and now all of the sudden she wants to be in the picture but more like low-effort. She doesn’t ever make a point either. And no I never got an apology from her either.
I’m just mad. I have postpartum rage and I just want to go off on them so bad. My husband is just not understanding that. To him I’m still being petty and using our child as leverage. To me, I’m tired of being the better person when it doesn’t change the results. I never get anything back from them, so why bother. I’m not going out of my way to be disrespectful to them like they were to me. I’m simply being firm with my boundaries.Can anyone else relate?
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Hard relate my love - I’m pregnant at the moment and my MIL has fallen out with us cause I’ve chosen to have my own mum in the delivery room over her ?! And she is being super controlling over it … so trust me I feel you
Here if you ever need a chat but honestly trust your guns and as hard as it is , give it time and hopefully your husband will see your POV and notice it for himself and put some boundaries in place
This is very unacceptable from her and maybe you can start putting some boundaries in too?! X
I know easier said than done
I could write a book about the shit I went through with my MIL. We currently don’t speak and she hasn’t seen our baby in a couple months (he’s 5 months next week). All because I stand on boundaries and won’t take anything less. Hubby obviously doesn’t like it so to appease him, I decided to be the bigger person (🙄🙄) and sent a message saying let’s start over and that in order to be a village for baby boy, there has to be MUTUAL respect of boundaries moving forward. Of course there was no response and hubby wants to take our son to visit her TODAY after nothing has been said, no apology, no accountability, no response, NADA. I’d be the bad guy if I say no so I’m just gonna have to be extremely uncomfortable and awkward for an hour or so 🙄 I think through it all, the worst part is that hubby doesn’t understand postpartum rage and the grace we deserve when going through it. Buttt I will say, the only thing keeping me sane is knowing we don’t have to deal with her on a consistent basis.
As far as advice, it’s a tricky situation. I haven’t even fixed my own situation lol but I’d say continue trying to talk to hubby and in the mean time STAND ON YOUR BOUNDARIES. Create as much space as you can from your in laws to protect your own peace. Hubby literally doesn’t have a choice but to understand, it’s just a matter of when. Good luck to us all 🥲
I had already stated before i gave birth that I didn’t want any one to visit us or the baby until after we came home from the hospital. I was inducted Christmas night had my baby the night of the 27th. By the morning of the 28th we were getting calls asking to come see the baby in the hospital and when partner declined they said that if he wants them there they’ll come and that he doesn’t have to listen to me. As well as saying that everyone has asked if they saw the baby and they had to lie and say they did and he was beautiful. Safe to say I have pushy in laws too. You and hubby need to provide a united front on basically everything if you want them to relax and actually respect you. If he’s willing to throw you under the bus to not look like the bad guy they’ll always be able to do what they want.
I believe you and dont think youre in the wrong at all.
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In-Law Issues
Does anyone else have issues with their mother-in-law?
I do. A lot of issues. Long story short (actually kinda long lol) this woman told me, while I was in active labor (with complications), I must have a lower pain tolerance than her. She told me her contractions were in the 200s and mine were very low. They should’ve been way higher. They were in the 60s-70s, and I looked it up. They were normal numbers and the machine maxes out at 100. She had kids over 20 years ago.
She stayed at my house without ever asking or telling me. She just assumed she could stay there while I was in labor. I am very guarded when it comes to my home. Even if you are family, I like to be home if you are there. She then over welcomed her stay. She basically wiggled her way so she could spend the night with me in the hospital instead of my own mom or sister. I felt guilted and rushed into it because “she’ll never get to see the baby”.
She insisted she should be my lactation consultant and saw my boobs. She never even tried to give me privacy, so I could latch my baby. She pretty much turned away all the lactation consultants that came by because she knew what she was doing.
She asked me when I would feel ready to be left alone with the baby. I had a total of 5 minutes of alone time with my baby. I had a very hard time bonding to her because of it. I wanted to be left alone with my baby. I told her she could go home that day we came home from the hospital and she stayed with us for another three days. Not one time did she leave the house to give my family alone time or privacy. Nothing. Never even offered.
She calls her son “baby” around me and instead of just referring the grandbaby as “my grandbaby” she calls her “our baby” inserting herself as per usual.
The day she did leave, she gave me unsolicited relationship advice which is funny considering her husband sleeps around on her and they don’t even live together. She only wears her wedding ring when it benefits her. She pretends her relationship is good instead of just facing the fact it was over several years ago when she actually left him.
I put in the effort to send pictures and to let her see my baby, but she stopped putting in effort months ago. Now it’s my fault. She claims I quit trying. I never did. We moved further away as she insisted we moved into the rental home because I needed to create a stable like for my child (it was already stable).
Now my hubby is frustrated with me and saying I’m acting like a child just like his mom. I don’t see what’s wrong in wanting an apology from her before I’ll give anymore effort. I’m tired of being the one nice to this woman who has never respected me. Not to mention I’m already having to be nice to his sister who referred to unborn child at the time, inbred, and pretty much cyberbullied me for a little bit. She also has been a terrible aunt and now all of the sudden she wants to be in the picture but more like low-effort. She doesn’t ever make a point either. And no I never got an apology from her either.
I’m just mad. I have postpartum rage and I just want to go off on them so bad. My husband is just not understanding that. To him I’m still being petty and using our child as leverage. To me, I’m tired of being the better person when it doesn’t change the results. I never get anything back from them, so why bother. I’m not going out of my way to be disrespectful to them like they were to me. I’m simply being firm with my boundaries.Can anyone else relate?
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