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SEX ~ DRAMA ~ MARRIAGE & MORE

I think my marriage is past the point of saviour.

Hey everyone.

Sorry for the long read but please bare with me.

My husband and I have been together 7.5 years and married for 4 years. We have a nearly 5 year old little boy together.

Everything at the beginning of our relationship was everything I had ever wanted in a relationship. My husband was kind, caring, helpful, ambitious, strong etc. We both spoke about the want for our own family and how we would want to be as parents. Moving forward we got pregnant (planned), pregnancy wasn't easy and I was in and out of hospital a lot during 3rd trimester. My husband was perfect and excited etc throughout pregnancy until the 3rd trimester hit and then went of the rails a bit, drinking etc and not really there when needed.

I had experience with children and helped raised my neices, my husband had no experience. Neither of us had a good upbringing.

Roll on birth and my husband had a face like a slapped bum, our little boy was born absolutely perfect. I was really poorly and lost quite a lot of blood and was being sick. I had the shakes so bad I was struggling to hold my son. My husband left me before I was even moved to the ward whilst being unwell. He left me to go meet his dad at the pub to wet the babies head.

After we were discharged home my husband just took a back seat with everything. I done everything for our son all whilst recovering from a cseaction. My son was a poorly baby and I was also back and forth to Dr's and hospital with him on my own. My husband got a job where it was very long hours and having to stay away a few times a week for work. I was keeping the house, doing everything for our son and keeping everything together with no village. Roll on my son's like 3 weeks old and my husband says he feels nothing for our son. Shortly after this he has a massive breakdown. I supported him through all of this, took him to appointments whilst doing everything for my son who was still poorly.

For 1.5 years I done everything for my son and for everyone else and kept everything together.

Roll on to nearly 4 years later (sons nearly 5) and turns out my son is neurodivergent, has a eating disorder, now has a PEG fitted, has ketotic hyperglycemia, asthma and allergies. I'm dealing with this day in day out all whilst dealing with my own chronic health conditions.

My husband tries but he just shouts at our son a lot and gets frustrated. I feel like we just butt heads and I end up having to defend our child. He still trys to be sexual and kiss etc but I have no desire at all and even him just touching me just makes me want to pull away.

I feel like he hurt me more than anyone or anything possible. He ruined what was meant to the best time of our lives and ruined my whole experience entering motherhood and I just can't get past that. I've spoken to him and told him all this. He keeps saying he's sorry and he will change but it's just empty promises. He's not the man I feel in love with and he's not the father he was meant to be or that I want for our child.

Any advice please?