in

Moms in their 30’s

I feel so stuck 😫

I am 36 years old (& yes by now, I should have known better, ik) and I feel like i made the biggest mistake of my life. I got pregnant shortly after meeting my 3rd baby's father. We were together 3 months before finding a house together. Worst mistake ever. He is a very narcissistic, manipulative person who thinks every thing has to be his way or not at all. The first half of our relationship revolved around his stresses (financial and mental) and he literally told me he couldnt focus on the relationship or the pregnancy until he felt like he got better. I had a hard time with that. Our relationship hadnt really even started, we had a kid on the way, & yet we werent working on our relationship and my feelings never seemed to matter because he was going through "worse" things.

Now his mental state has got better for himself at least (now that hes caught up on bills and such), but he still absolutely has zero empathy and consideration for me and my feelings. Has only been to one doctors appt over these past 8 months, never talks about baby or asks, & constantly stresses me out with him accusing me of talking to other guys. He doesn't help around the house at all and the one thing he has bought for baby, I pushed him to do it. Everything else, my family or I have got.

If I try to ignore him and go about my day without issues he'll blow up my phone and cause issues and accuse me of cheating. Like yesterday, I tried dojng something positive for myself throughout this pregnancy, tried having one good memory through it, by going out and doing a little maternity shoot. I never did a maternity shoot with my first two, so this was an entirely new experience for me and I was hoping it would make me feel good at least for one night. He couldnt even let me have that. Kept accusing me of being out on a date all night. He threatened to move all of my stuff out of my room so i didnt know what i was going to come back home to. Meanwhile he can go out EVERY Thursday and have drinks with his coworkers, and go to adult skating with his friends "for his mental health". & I get called crazy & insecure if I question what hes doing.

Im on this lease with him for another year and a half, even if i broke it and moved, I am 8 months pregnant and going on maternity leave soon. & there has been absolutely zero rentals lately in the area I need for my girls school district. He has his two kids on the weekends and can live wherever he pleases because his kids go to school while with their mom. He has less stuff than I do. Yet he refuses to make anything easy on me. He wont move and is constantly starting petty arguments , such as food my kids eat that he buys. They are teens and sometimes sneak food, who didnt at their age? & the food is literally a few dollars.

I just feel so damn stuck and unhappy. Idk what to do anymore 😫 I feel horrible for how much I changed up my kids lives. I was so stable and independent before I met him.

Idk what I expect to get out of this post, but just needed to rant cus I have absolutely zero people to talk to about it.