Abuse

So I live with my mum and my partner is currently in between homes right now, we have a 2 month old baby. My first and his second. We have been together 4 and a half years. At the beginning he was so lovely as they all are. Then it started to get worse as he would call me names. I got pregnant by surprise and at the beginning didn’t want anything to do with me or the baby then he came round and accepted it. When I was pregnant when we would argue he would physically abuse me at one point he caused me to have a black eye. This happened a couple times when I was pregnant and had to make excuses to family/friends/work. Once I had baby we would argue but wasn’t as bad. Then one argument led to him kicking me and hitting me on the head whilst I was feeding baby. Then recently we was staying together and baby was moaning and I just checked phone to see the time and he dragged me by the hair and started kicking me on the floor punching me on the head and spitting at me, again I’ve had to cover bruises. I don’t want judgement on why I’m staying with him. He always apologises and it’s hard because I know he’s going through a lot right now and he doesn’t handle stress well and he suffers bad with his mental health (he has schizophrenia and bipolar). There’s been many points I’m ready to walk out but again I’m scared he will take the baby away from me and threaten me. I know he would never harm our baby. I guess I’m looking for advice in making this relationship work because we both do love each other and he knows the physical abuse is not on. I’ve always reassured him through the bad times in his life that I’m always there, but it’s getting harder and harder to do that

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Relationship struggles and a newborn

Strap got for the long post.

I’ve been with my partner since the beginning of the year. We fell pregnant straight away, unplanned and even on contraception…. We chatted and he didn’t want another kid and managed my expectations re that.

I said I would have the baby on my own and he changed his mind saying he would be there for us. We had a very fast yet surprising secure relationship since and he is a great guy.

He has 2 other children from his marriage. His ex is nice but they have no boundaries at all, they are very matey and I’ve had to flag stuff several times as it feels like they are very much still husband and wife.

I had the baby 4 weeks ago, after many hospital stays, complications and worries. He works stupidly hard 6 days a week and had shared custody of other children.

The routine with the others is not in place and it’s late bedtimes, dinner times and early wake ups. Which makes it hard both while pregnant and now with a newborn, I seem to be on duty alone loner because if we are with the other they need his support even though they are a lot older. I’m not asking for them to be ignored or disregarded but it’s tough when it impacts my “time off” when he is out 8-8 and I’m in bed about 9.

His ex and him do “swaps” and make childcare plans but I have blown up today as I feel that I’m not considered. Having the others extra means I’m solidly having the newborn upto 10pm whilst he bedtimes the others and also then from 1.30/3am when the baby comes to bed. He needs rest but I take over when they come up…. And the others sometimes are awake 4.30-6 then go downstairs.

I’ve tried to communicate my needs and need for support. It just lands as if I begrudge his other kids and it isn’t that, I just need support and us time is never a thing now so I feel emotional to have to find more of myself for long running on nothing.

I have chronic health conditions and they make motherhood even harder. His ex is supported by her family and his family collecting the kids, having sleeps overs and doing school runs. Stupidly I feel envious because I don’t have that.

Because we are fresh, we have never spoken finances or stuff like that even when I brought it up several times. His response is “I will try and help where I can” and he buys stuff. However, I’m getting triggered that the ex sleeps soundly knowing all that’s taken care off, when her time off starts and all the clubs are paid for by him.

I feel like I’m the surrogate, the silly woman that got pregnant and so on. I feel like I watch on their ironed out agreements and maybe it appears still a team. I have no security or breathing space myself to know he has the reins…. I have a house alone, bills and everything to cover and think of.

I brought pretty much everything for our child. He has got stuff too but it’s hugely disproportionate and things compounded by the fact him and his ex have a “clothing fund” account for their kids…. Sounds stupid but I’m again envious she never has to think about laying it all out herself.

He is a great guy, doing all he can. I feel so bad for moaning and feeling lonely, like a solo parent and arguing all the time because I can’t shake the disparity.

We had a prem baby and got kept in an hour after we got out the ex and kids came over. Within no time his ex said she was overwhelmed as she had the kids extra days (his mum helped alot) and we couldn’t have them over night due to my surgery. Then there was the question of half term times, collections, clubs resuming and so on. I felt and feel invisible.

I can’t shift the constant feel like I’m alone and solo parenting. If I wasn’t in a relationship with him, he would have our child more hours and also I would get a break. I envy his ex’s time, space, her time, financial security and everything being sorted re the children.

Sorry for the rant but I’m just wondering if I’m just being a selfish person who can’t see the wood for the tree’s, a post partum emotional wreak….. or valid in my feelings.

Every-time I speak about it, I get so frustrated emotional and angry I come across horrible. I lose my points because I’m so emotionally invested and I feel my child is getting less, I feel I am bottom of the list and I just can’t shift it.

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Need advice

Good morning, first post on here and looking for advice (please don't just say leave him now)

So me and my partner have just bought our first house together but previously to this I was around 25 weeks pregnant and I found on his phone that on multiple occasions he was using this site called pinkvideochat and was talking to tons of porn girls and was video chatting them obviously to do his thing, at the time we wasn't having sex because he said he was scared while I got bigger during pregnancy which is understandable.

When I confronted him it took him 2 days to actually admit he did it, from then he's not done anything wrong, we bought our house and I'm now 2 weeks away from our son being born. We then had a tiny argument last night and I went round my friends and came back after hours and he hadn't checked on me once to see where tf I was or anything and he was asleep.

I had this feeling to check his phone and turns out while I was in hospital during the day at a midwife appointment he refused to come to he was on this site again obviously doing his "thing" to these curvy emo girls like last time. Now I am blonde, skinny (well before I was pregnant (g) and it's just really hurt me as last time he did this we discussed that it was cheating and if he did it again I'd leave. But how can I leave when I give birth in 2 weeks and we've just bought a house.

Any advice is appreciated thank you

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