Sahm

So my babies now 6 months old, I love my partner to bits but I’m starting to feel so stuck and trapped, I went self employed about a year before having our first baby leaving me with nothing really job wise now, I was only cleaning and not making much money at all, at the moment I’m at home with the baby and my partner says I can just carry this on whenever I ask about what we’re going to do about me going back to work and childcare / says it’s up to me but then asks me about starting a career ? I’m so confused by this - also he’s so good to me and does work really hard and long hours (sometimes weekends) his job is stressful and I try to make everything as easy as I can at home, i do all the housework / cooking cleaning/ make his lunches / cut the grass, / shopping /look after baby and we have chickens, ducks 3 dogs and horses so also try to keep up with all of this too. It’s hard. My boy has recently been poorly and not been sleeping through the night so I’m up trying to not let him wake my partner - if I ask him to change any nappies or have baby or help clear up (not often I ask) all I get is ‘I’ve been at work to pay for you’ I feel so distant from him and it’s like talking to a wall if I try to talk about it. I’m also pick up a few shifts cleaning and have to take baby with me which is HELL just to try to earn a bit for myself. I feel stuck and helpless and SO lonely - he’s always on his phone when he’s home or we have his friend around constantly. Am I being sensitive ? I can’t do anything as I have the baby and literally no money or job or childcare 🤣 I love being a mum and I want more kids I feel like if I say I’m struggling it’s a reason to not have any more in the future but I’m not struggling with my baby just a little bit of help without feeling like I’m ungrateful for everything he does - he is so good to us and I know that
Am I being awful?
Is our relationship fizzling out ?
I always wanted to always be fine on my own financially etc and I never wanted to be in this position and he knows that. Now that I am - because I trust him i feel so stuck

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I'm really sorry - this sounds so stressful but it also sounds a bit like communication has completely broken down here. The phrase "I work to pay for you" is toxic and if you feel able to, should be talked about. I've worked 50+ hour weeks but I'm currently a SAHM on maternity leave and trust me this is harder. You guys are a team and looking after that little person is more than a full time job. If we look at the proportionality of responsibility you're taking the majority here. Can you tell your partner how you feel calmly, see where he's coming from then see if you can both work towards changes that help? Maybe couples therapy would be helpful as they're suitably trained to navigate this.
Hope you're ok xx feel free to message if you just want to chat x

It sounds like you were already feeling trapped aside from your relationship dynamic. Do you think it would make you feel a bit better if you could send your little ones to daycare or have relatives look over them during the day so you could go out and work? I know that for a lot of mothers, coming back into the workforce is extremely empowering and freeing for them. It lets you go out and feel ‘untrapped’ in some ways. It could also regulate a lot of this feeling of stickiness you are juggling at the moment.

You’re not being awful and being a 24/7 mom is a heck of a job. He should be able to look after the child as well even if he is tired.

You are not being awful, you are not too sensitive and you are asking for the bare minimum in my opinion. Him being on his phone constantly is probably not helping you guys feel connected/close… I agree with Claire, it seems like it would be beneficial to lay things out and have a discussion if you are able.
You are such a strong mom and a wonderful, caring partner! Sending lots of good thoughts your way.

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baby daddy relationship rant lol

He was recently offered a job at a strip club though and I can’t lie I’m way too insecure to continue any sort of romantic relationship with him because of that.

We separated 5 months ago (mutually) and have been recently having lots of sex and still going on dates as of almost 3 months ago. Our daughter is 10 months and we’ve gotten comfortable with the idea of us working out as a family again.

It just sucks though bc this company he was working for got a new contract for a buy out and he’s going to be let go. He had 4-5 weeks to prepare himself to get into another position at work but instead he decided to wait until the last minute and unfortunately now there’s no availability left.

Two days ago he got an offer for a different job & texted me asking me what I thought about him working as a bouncer and indoor security at a strip club for minimum wage + tips and it made me SICKK. Nothing wrong with strippers or clubs tbh, but the idea of the loml working with mostly naked women makes me want to throw the fuck up!

Turns out it’s a very private and exclusive club with only 1-2 clients per night who spent upwards of 5-10k per night which only makes me think this is a pay for sex kinda place. Not even just a regular club.

He asked me what I thought. I was honest about it making me sick but I did try to not come off as too jealous or insecure and said how the money would be the same at a restaurant (if he wanted minimum wage + tips so bad, be a server hello?!)

His response was he doesn’t think he fits the aesthetic of a server rn. I didn’t have anything else to say to him after he tried convincing me it’s a great and perfect idea. And honestly, if he wants to do it, I am absolutely not one to stop him. I’m not his wife. But I don’t know if I can pursue a relationship anymore & try to grow from what we have to something beautiful and solid. I just can’t.

He asked me if I’d hate him if he did it and I said I don’t know.

Because I don’t! I don’t want him working at some sex club going from $40 an hour to $16.90 but he’s actually treating it like his only option. Am I throwing away a family over something stupid? Should I just get over it? 💔

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