Fucking Exhausted
Being a mom is wonderful. It truly is. I love my daughter and I love being a mom. But it is so incredibly draining and I wonder if that is because I’m doing it wrong? Maybe my mindset isn’t right? I see so many moms on social media who basically say they stopped struggling because they stopped viewing motherhood in a negative and stressful way. They focused more on the sweet moments and doing fun activities and simply being present with their child. I try that but I’m so tired.
It doesn’t help that I have been in a depressive episode for a year now and I’ve been trying to get out of it, which takes a lot of fucking energy. Energy that I don’t have. My husband is a big help, but he is also tired from work and I try to make sure that when he gets home, the atmosphere is relaxing and he can get comfortable and rest. I don’t want him to worry about my mood or how he can fix how I’m feeling. Because the issue with that is I don’t feel anything other than drained. I’m not angry, sad, happy, stressed, nothing. I’m just tired.
I’m considering getting on some type of medication for my depression, but I always feel hesitant. The last time I was on meds, I had constant suicidal thoughts and it scared the shit out of me, so I stopped them immediately. I don’t even know what I really need right now. I just want to sleep.
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I think it's normal to feel drained. Not a good thing but common. Every mom is gonna have it differently. They might be able to focus on the sweet moments and stuff and forget that they're drained but that doesn't work for every mom. I focus on that stuff and I'm still drained.
I don't know if it will help you but I'll usually pawn my girl off to one of the grandparents on a day I don't work and my husband is working. And then I'll just sleep and lounge around the house for the day. I constantly feel tired and the only time I don't is one of those days, or napping when she naps
Girl - my current saying is ‘I’m the best & most patient. loving mother when my kids are sleeping’
Be kind to yourself - motherhood is hard, social media is bullsh*t, and days can be reallly long.
Xxx
Hey Mama! You are not alone. I also went through a period of life where I was very depressed and I had to go through 4 different meds before I found the one that worked for me. I have been on Effexor for about 7 years now and it has literally saved my life.
Don’t compare yourself to other mothers. As long as your baby is healthy, happy and loved, you are doing everything right.
Also, motherhood is hard. Social media makes it look easy but all those people are struggling just the same. You are only seeing one snapshot. We’re all just trying to survive this crazy ride.
Your mental health is so important. You are caring for so many other people, don’t forget to care for yourself too. I’m rooting for you 🩷
As nice as it is that you want to make it a calm and comfortable for him, I think you need to tell him what you’re feeling. It’s something he would want to know especially if you’re depressed. I’m constantly drained too. It’s okay to feel drained. It also means you’re an active parent and very involved. Maybe ask your husband to take your daughter on a Daddy/daughter date so you can have some time to yourself. It’s very cliche but accurate…The days are long but the years are short. I hope you’re able to find a way to rest a little!
You need to stop comparing yourself to Mom's on social media. Because tell you the truth they may say they're not struggling but they are... They literally just choose to look at the good things of life instead of turning it into a negative. Like instead of looking at my baby can't sleep through the night again we can look at it as extra cuddle time with your baby. (My experience lol)
And I know you say your husband works hard but he can also take the baby for you when you're feeling really down and you want to sleep. My husband works overnight and he takes for the baby about an hour or two when he gets back in the in the morning just so I can sleep in.
I feel like the only way to feel better is to figure out how mothering works for you… I’m currently pregnant with a feral 12m old and I promise you, I love my children like crazy, but i’ve caught myself saying I don’t like being a mother… bc when it’s hard, it’s VERY hard.. I love being their mother, I hate that I don’t have it figured out yet and I feel like i’m drowning myself… Especially bc I want to learn who I am, and be a great wife as well… Idk how to juggle all of this at one time… So you aren’t alone… It’s a lot, and I wish I could help, but i’m drowning in motherhood as well😅 We got this though!
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Last night my boyfriend of almost 6 years said he was gonna cook dinner because I was feeling like crap because I had got my period. But before we could make dinner we needed to go do laundry (we don’t have our own washer and dryer so we go to the laundry mat) well the whole time we were there he just started at his phone watching TikTok’s and I was chasing our daughter around and entertaining her by reading books and making up little games for her and he never looked up to help or participate despite knowing how much I was cramping and feeling like crap. Then we got home and he immediately laid down on the couch instead of starting on dinner and it was already late so I knew our daughter needed to eat and go to bed. So I cooked dinner and what did he do? Laid on the couch messing around with his tablet while I had our daughter climbing all over me and crying and fussing because she wanted to help but my back was hurting so I couldn’t hold her while I was cooking. Then what really sent me over the edge and pushed me to this realization is that my daughter wouldn’t sit down. We don’t have a high chair or a table right now so she just climbs around and can’t sit still and I kept asking her to sit down so she could eat and she would get up and start climbing and almost fell on her face because she slipped. But luckily I caught her just in time. All the while he’s already finished eating and it’s just sitting watching TV and half falling asleep. So I ask if he can help feed her so I can eat and he proceeds to yell at her to sit down and shoves a big bite of food in her mouth to which I say that’s a really big bite for her and she asks for me and he tells her NO ! No mama leave mama alone you need to sit down and be still. She starts crying really hard because he said no about her coming with me and she started choking on the giant bite of food to which he said see that’s what happens now stop crying and she starts crying even harder so I grab her and calm her down and tell him that I didn’t need him to yell at her or scold her I just needed him to help feed her while I ate really quick and he didn’t respond. I took over feeding her and he started dozing off on the couch. We a little while later she randomly just slapped him on his cheek and I obviously told her not to and to use gentle hands and stuff and he just got really mad and left the room. He went and laid on the bed. (The bed wasn’t made because we washed the sheets and blankets) so I asked if he was just not going to make the bed and he didn’t respond just got up with a big attitude and made the bed. Then he went to sleep. Didn’t help clean up or put away the leftovers for his lunch or help get her ready for bed. She then slaps me on the face as well just randomly and I tell her the same things and she says sorry and gives me a hug and we move on. After I finish feeding her and cleaning up a bit I take her to the room to get her ready for bed and at this point it’s past her bedtime and she’s grumpy and fighting me about everything! I’m taking her through her feelings and trying to just remain collected while she’s throwing a tantrum. He gets annoyed at her crying and gets up and grabs his phone and charger and goes out to the couch to sleep instead. She is very confused by this and starts asking for him and she thinks he’s in the bathroom so I just go along with it and tell her he will be back so to just go to sleep but she doesn’t like going to sleep when he’s not in the room and he didn’t even say goodnight. She knew he was mad about her hitting and started saying sorry dada sorry dada and I was like it’s okay baby you’re learning. 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He gets so mad everytime and when she tries to apologize (on her own btw like I don’t tell her to apologize she does it in her own time when she’s ready) he will either ignore her or will get mad again and tell her he doesn’t care that she shouldn’t do that. And she doesn’t understand and gets sad and starts crying. Or he will hit her back and I’ve told him so many times that that makes it a game for her and so not to do it and a few times he’s been pretty rough about it and made her cry. She’s not one of those kids who just cries about anything she’s actually really tough souses me off when he does shit like that. He acts like she’s an older child that knows better despite the fact that she’s 1. I’m at a loss because I don’t have anywhere to go and I can’t support her on my own. I’ve been applying for jobs and just keep getting rejected. But I can see that this isn’t getting better and I can’t stand to put my child through having an immature father and I’m just so frustrated and angry at myself for picking the wrong guy. Mind you he wanted to be a dad and he was never like this before but I just feel like I’ve been in fight or flight for a little while now because I don’t want to have to share custody. I don’t trust him with her by himself because he’s always on the damn phone not paying attention or he’s just aggressive with her. He has no patients. It’s not that I think he would harm her I just think accidents would happen because he wouldn’t be passing attention and I think emotionally he would not be good for her anytime she gets hurt or cries about anything he just tells her she’s fine and it’s not a big deal to just stop and I hate that. I don’t know what to do but it really hit me last night that I can’t do this with him
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Am I in the wrong
Am I in the wrong?
Me and my partner had our first baby 6 weeks ago. I had a c section and whilst he was on paternity leave he was great. He helped around the house, helped with changing etc.
Since he’s started back at work it’s all gone down hill. I need to ask him majority (not all) but majority if the time to either hold her whilst I get jobs done or change her. He will cook for us and occasionally do some chores but otherwise I feel like I’m nagging him to do stuff around the house.
I EBF so I understand he can’t help with feeding in the night but I’m up changing her and feeding her in the night and I feel like I’m up with her majority of the day too. He’ll go on his game whilst I’m sat downstairs with the baby.
Today I had a migraine so I asked if he could have the baby whilst I nap for an hour but then I felt bad for doing it.
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