I’m so hurt, but I guess I’m to blame.
Posting this as I need to share or I think I might explode. I had just fed my baby to sleep and I was going to rest with her as I’m so out of it today. I nip to the loo and catch my parter on his phone, just popped my head around to say hello and he looked so guilty. Only then I realised his hands were in his pants. I was instantly hurt. I asked him calmly what he was looking at and he couldn’t answer my question. I asked if it would upset me. I pleaded with him to be honest and eventually he said it was clips of Sydney Sweeney (She’s gorgeous, who can blame him🥲).
It felt like a stab in the back as he obviously thought I was napping with the baby, I’m imagining things would have continued if I hadn’t walked in. I feel like a right mug.
My part to play is that the last time we had sex I was pregnant. I’m now 6 months pp which I appreciate is an incredibly long time. It is something we frequently discuss and I’m very open about how I’m experiencing no drive. Assuming it’s due to the hormones, I’m EBF, not sure if that is a factor. We tried a couple of months back but it was excruciating. I had the coil fitted in feb and it was such a painful experience. I feel touched out by then end of the day, exhausted due to night wakings and just overall not supported (we have no family help). All contributing to the no drive. I get upset and frequently check my partner is understanding of this and he agrees it’s okay and whenever I’m ready. I’m undergoing CBT and my negative self talk is at an all time high and I suffer with depressive episodes.
I feel very hurt, but maybe as I say this is my fault. Just not sure what to do from here. I don’t particularly want to spend time with him rn. He is usually my cheerleader and now I feel like I can’t believe a word he says.
Advice on this would be really helpful, thanks in advance.
My baby’s just woken up, back to mum mode.
