I’m so hurt, but I guess I’m to blame.

Posting this as I need to share or I think I might explode. I had just fed my baby to sleep and I was going to rest with her as I’m so out of it today. I nip to the loo and catch my parter on his phone, just popped my head around to say hello and he looked so guilty. Only then I realised his hands were in his pants. I was instantly hurt. I asked him calmly what he was looking at and he couldn’t answer my question. I asked if it would upset me. I pleaded with him to be honest and eventually he said it was clips of Sydney Sweeney (She’s gorgeous, who can blame him🥲).
It felt like a stab in the back as he obviously thought I was napping with the baby, I’m imagining things would have continued if I hadn’t walked in. I feel like a right mug.
My part to play is that the last time we had sex I was pregnant. I’m now 6 months pp which I appreciate is an incredibly long time. It is something we frequently discuss and I’m very open about how I’m experiencing no drive. Assuming it’s due to the hormones, I’m EBF, not sure if that is a factor. We tried a couple of months back but it was excruciating. I had the coil fitted in feb and it was such a painful experience. I feel touched out by then end of the day, exhausted due to night wakings and just overall not supported (we have no family help). All contributing to the no drive. I get upset and frequently check my partner is understanding of this and he agrees it’s okay and whenever I’m ready. I’m undergoing CBT and my negative self talk is at an all time high and I suffer with depressive episodes.
I feel very hurt, but maybe as I say this is my fault. Just not sure what to do from here. I don’t particularly want to spend time with him rn. He is usually my cheerleader and now I feel like I can’t believe a word he says.
Advice on this would be really helpful, thanks in advance.
My baby’s just woken up, back to mum mode.

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Oh gosh, can empathise with this.
Personally, I found breastfeeding definitely made me continue to not want to be touched! Didn’t make me give up though, I just had to accept that he still has a sex drive, and honestly, I preferred that he took care of it rather than add to my list of chores! (Sorry not sorry)

The first year PP is hard on a relationship, but you’ll get back on track someday. Be best though if he’s honest! Lack of trust is a killer.

In terms of what helped me, is him stepping things up around the home and with the baby, so I haven’t got a million things on my mental to do list. Once my brain was clear I could relax and consider my own needs!

i think i would actually kill my husband. im not even kidding thats a hell no from me

I’m sorry this upset you. I would probably have made a joke out of it, or just rolled my eyes and laughed. It wouldn’t bother me at all. Your absolute fine to not want sex as is he - but the opposite should also be true. Masturbation is 100% natural and shouldn’t be a cause for you to be feeling bad?

I used to feel like watching porn was cheating when I was younger and I used to get very upset by it and break up over it. I don't know what changed as I got older but now I honestly don't mind, though I have never caught my husband doing it I think I would also just laugh and say how was it when he got back to bed. Maybe I learned that it really actually has nothing to do with how they feel about me and it doesn't mean they want to sleep with anyone else, they know it's their own hand they're with the images are just visual help. If it helps he doesn't care if its Syndey Sweeney or a hot woman wearing a mask, all they are looking at is curves. If your relationship is otherwise good I would let it slide, I'm sure he's already super embarrassed.

In my opinion it is not your job to be available to have sex with him until you are ready.
Having a baby, breastfeeding them and dealing with everything else that a baby and new motherhood brings is a lot on your body.
I have no issue with my partner needing to relieve himself but we’ve always said no p**n as it doesn’t feel right to me.
We didn’t have sex until past 1 year postpartum as we cosleep/bedshare and I never had the desire. Doesn’t mean I don’t love him, but hormones and sleep change everything. I also don’t want to be on birth control and so it’s about doing it at the right time to not fall pregnant till we want to have another.

I don’t really understand what he’s done wrong. I don’t think anyone is at fault here for anything? Why does this make him any less your cheerleader?
Unless you have some kind of agreement against masturbation but I wouldn’t say that is very realistic if he has a sex drive and you are not ready. It’s obviously an awkward situation but like others have said I think the best advice is to just laugh about it and move past it.

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Hey Mamas,

Just after a little advice/guidance on first birthday gift ideas.

I have quite a few 1st birthdays coming up and was just interested to see what gift ideas everyone comes up with.

Thank you in advance 🩵

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I was expecting at least that he goes by himself buy the flowers and maybe a card haha

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