Self pleasure

Do you self pleasure even though you’re in a relationship? Do you keep it you take or share with your partner? As in do you tell them you have self pleasured.

We have a healthy sex life. With 3 children. Our youngest just turned 3 so time to ourselves is very limited atm.

The other day I had a morning to myself and I used my new flower toy. It was great btw 🤩 I put the toy back in my husband’s drawer. (That’s where we keep our toys.)

He came down the other day and was seething that I had self pleasured and he has seen the evidence on the toy. It was made to feel embarrassed.

Still thinking about it and looking for some thoughts and options. 🙃

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It is absolutely ok for you to self pleasure and how dare he make you feel otherwise! Aside from it being your body, your choice, and your right to boost your own happy hormones, if you know how you like toys used on yourself, the shared experience can only be better for it.

On a slight tangent... I don't know quite what you mean by seeing the evidence on a toy, but you absolutely need to clean your toys between every single use. You can get sex toy wipes to make this super quick and easy. It isn't worth the infections to not clean your toys.

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It is perfectly normal an healthy to do things on your own from time to time, he has no right to make you feel bad about that!

If you were actively choosing it over spending intimate time with him then maybe that would be an issue, but if it's not impacting your sex life together then what is his problem?

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I’m so hurt, but I guess I’m to blame.

Posting this as I need to share or I think I might explode. I had just fed my baby to sleep and I was going to rest with her as I’m so out of it today. I nip to the loo and catch my parter on his phone, just popped my head around to say hello and he looked so guilty. Only then I realised his hands were in his pants. I was instantly hurt. I asked him calmly what he was looking at and he couldn’t answer my question. I asked if it would upset me. I pleaded with him to be honest and eventually he said it was clips of Sydney Sweeney (She’s gorgeous, who can blame him🥲).
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My part to play is that the last time we had sex I was pregnant. I’m now 6 months pp which I appreciate is an incredibly long time. It is something we frequently discuss and I’m very open about how I’m experiencing no drive. Assuming it’s due to the hormones, I’m EBF, not sure if that is a factor. We tried a couple of months back but it was excruciating. I had the coil fitted in feb and it was such a painful experience. I feel touched out by then end of the day, exhausted due to night wakings and just overall not supported (we have no family help). All contributing to the no drive. I get upset and frequently check my partner is understanding of this and he agrees it’s okay and whenever I’m ready. I’m undergoing CBT and my negative self talk is at an all time high and I suffer with depressive episodes.
I feel very hurt, but maybe as I say this is my fault. Just not sure what to do from here. I don’t particularly want to spend time with him rn. He is usually my cheerleader and now I feel like I can’t believe a word he says.
Advice on this would be really helpful, thanks in advance.
My baby’s just woken up, back to mum mode.

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