Husband deleting messages from women

Just needing a place to vent. My husband and I talked about boundaries for our relationship from the very beginning. I struggle with jealousy and insecurities and I know that. I don’t mind my husband have female friends to an extent. But for me it’s like I understand that he had female friends before I came along and I don’t mind that he still has them. But I don’t understand why every time he leaves the house for drill or work, he comes home texting a new girl. It would be one thing if he did the same with the guys he meets, but it’s just the women. We have this vicious cycle going where he leaves for drill, makes a new female “friend” who he texts constantly and I get uncomfortable with the relationship, we argue about it, he pulls back a little (or will have his moments where he texts her a lot again), and then will go to his next drill or work and comes home texting an entirely new woman. He deletes messages from them. I haven’t really found much out of the ordinary (this time. I caught him cheating once) other than messages from the latest woman where they were both staying at the same army guard barracks where he was asking her to give him a hug before she went to bed. But he deletes them so fast I’m sure there are tons of messages I have never seen and could have said anything. I just want to know if this is normal? Like I said, maybe I wouldn’t think so hard into it if he texted men or old friends or anything. But it’s just these women that he texts that frequently. He doesn’t know that I found out about this most recent girl he deleted a bunch of messages from. I just don’t think I have the energy for another round of arguing about yet another woman… I’ll never understand why he seems to go out of his way to meet every new woman that crosses his path… I was always open and honest about the boundaries I felt like I needed in place to be comfortable and secure in our relationship and he told me he would always follow those boundaries until after about a year and all of that went down the drain…

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He doesn't respect your boundaries. The fact that he deletes messages means there's something for him to hide. He may go off of technicalities like hes not physically cheating but he's emotionally cheating, and with multiple women at that. Yes he can have female friends but IF they know about you and RESPECT your relationship, if they don't respect your relationship then why should your HUSBAND be "friends" with someone like that ? I know its hard to let go, but if he can't respect you then leave him because he never will. I'm sorry you're going through this 😪

read all of this and my thoughts are literally “okay so he’s cheating on her” girl listen to your gut, it’s giving you these feelings for a reason. my husband used to be in the Army and i spent a lot of time around military folks all my life as my dad was Army too. Imagine how nice life would if you didn’t have have to deal with feeling not good enough anymore, or constantly questioning your place and security in your relationship, or feeling like he’s always up to something leaving you always feeling suspicious….. dump his ass and find someone who only has time and eyes for you, he is absolutely out there and you’re wasting your time with someone who doesn’t respect you or your boundaries… to the left, sir

What I have learned so far with men, is that, when you do your part as a partner and communicate how you feel about a situation and they do nothing to change that; leave. Because it will be a continuous cycle of YOU always talking and him half listening, and it will drain you. I am learning now, that you have to be important to yourself and tell yourself that you matter. What you say matters and how you feel, matters. If he can’t acknowledge your feelings and make you feel like you are the most important woman in his life, then leave. You sound exhausted and I give my hat off too you for being okay with him having women friends but I would be careful, if I were you. Deleting messages is not a sign of cheating, it IS cheating and I say be careful because I work in the healthcare field and I see genders (mainly men) always getting tested for STDs and always end up positive. I’m not trying to put it in your head that he might be intimate with any of them, I just hate to see an innocent

Person get something that you can’t get rid of……

He is taking advantage of you..

Thank y’all for the advice! This is just one of many things he does that make me question everything, but I think seeing the deleted messages on his phone last night was just the last straw for me to stop believing that there’s any good in him. I can’t even look at him the same. My gut had been screaming at me to get away from him for so long even before any of the bad stuff really started happening. It’s just been so hard. I’m terrified of him getting any custody of our child and it’s held me here for way longer than I should have stayed..

I get that! Going through similar situation but no one deserves the treatment I am sure you get.

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