Husband deleting messages from women

Just needing a place to vent. My husband and I talked about boundaries for our relationship from the very beginning. I struggle with jealousy and insecurities and I know that. I don’t mind my husband have female friends to an extent. But for me it’s like I understand that he had female friends before I came along and I don’t mind that he still has them. But I don’t understand why every time he leaves the house for drill or work, he comes home texting a new girl. It would be one thing if he did the same with the guys he meets, but it’s just the women. We have this vicious cycle going where he leaves for drill, makes a new female “friend” who he texts constantly and I get uncomfortable with the relationship, we argue about it, he pulls back a little (or will have his moments where he texts her a lot again), and then will go to his next drill or work and comes home texting an entirely new woman. He deletes messages from them. I haven’t really found much out of the ordinary (this time. I caught him cheating once) other than messages from the latest woman where they were both staying at the same army guard barracks where he was asking her to give him a hug before she went to bed. But he deletes them so fast I’m sure there are tons of messages I have never seen and could have said anything. I just want to know if this is normal? Like I said, maybe I wouldn’t think so hard into it if he texted men or old friends or anything. But it’s just these women that he texts that frequently. He doesn’t know that I found out about this most recent girl he deleted a bunch of messages from. I just don’t think I have the energy for another round of arguing about yet another woman… I’ll never understand why he seems to go out of his way to meet every new woman that crosses his path… I was always open and honest about the boundaries I felt like I needed in place to be comfortable and secure in our relationship and he told me he would always follow those boundaries until after about a year and all of that went down the drain…

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He doesn't respect your boundaries. The fact that he deletes messages means there's something for him to hide. He may go off of technicalities like hes not physically cheating but he's emotionally cheating, and with multiple women at that. Yes he can have female friends but IF they know about you and RESPECT your relationship, if they don't respect your relationship then why should your HUSBAND be "friends" with someone like that ? I know its hard to let go, but if he can't respect you then leave him because he never will. I'm sorry you're going through this 😪

read all of this and my thoughts are literally “okay so he’s cheating on her”

girl listen to your gut, it’s giving you these feelings for a reason. my husband used to be in the Army and i spent a lot of time around military folks all my life as my dad was Army too. Imagine how nice life would if you didn’t have have to deal with feeling not good enough anymore, or constantly questioning your place and security in your relationship, or feeling like he’s always up to something leaving you always feeling suspicious….. dump his ass and find someone who only has time and eyes for you, he is absolutely out there and you’re wasting your time with someone who doesn’t respect you or your boundaries… to the left, sir

What I have learned so far with men, is that, when you do your part as a partner and communicate how you feel about a situation and they do nothing to change that; leave. Because it will be a continuous cycle of YOU always talking and him half listening, and it will drain you. I am learning now, that you have to be important to yourself and tell yourself that you matter. What you say matters and how you feel, matters. If he can’t acknowledge your feelings and make you feel like you are the most important woman in his life, then leave. You sound exhausted and I give my hat off too you for being okay with him having women friends but I would be careful, if I were you. Deleting messages is not a sign of cheating, it IS cheating and I say be careful because I work in the healthcare field and I see genders (mainly men) always getting tested for STDs and always end up positive. I’m not trying to put it in your head that he might be intimate with any of them, I just hate to see an innocent

Person get something that you can’t get rid of……

He is taking advantage of you..

Thank y’all for the advice! This is just one of many things he does that make me question everything, but I think seeing the deleted messages on his phone last night was just the last straw for me to stop believing that there’s any good in him. I can’t even look at him the same. My gut had been screaming at me to get away from him for so long even before any of the bad stuff really started happening. It’s just been so hard. I’m terrified of him getting any custody of our child and it’s held me here for way longer than I should have stayed..

I get that! Going through similar situation but no one deserves the treatment I am sure you get.

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I've finally done it

I have finally done it. I have finally become the trope, the stereotype.

I have become bitter, resentful, and very overwhelmed and overloaded. I am very unhappy and hit burnout. And I snapped at my husband last night. I work full-time, and work has been very busy so im working late a lot. Im also in grad school. I also have a toddler that has become VERY clingy with me. My husband works shorter days but commutes, so he usually gets home after me by an hour or more. When he gets home, he usually heads to the restroom for at least 30 mins when he gets home. And now my toddler doesnt want anything to do with him. So im doing all the toddler duties until bed. I dont get 5 mins to myself. Not for almost 2 years. I finally hit my wall. I have also, somehow, become my MILs medical ride service and she somehow has an appt every week, it seems?! Shes not sick!! My husband was complaining that he needs to change routine to fit in a workout sometimes, and I lost it. I have been BEGGING for 5 mins to myself for months. I have been telling him how im not good, im going to burn out for months. And between his attitude and him complaining (which really got me b/c he blames me for not being able to work out?! Saying I need help when he gets home so he just cant workout now) I just lost it completely. I told him how unfair my life has become and I have the entire mental and emotional load and it is just not fair. He got mad at me and said "hes trying" when hes literally not trying at all. What do I do?? No one is taking the load from me! And im done and dont know what to do now.
I do not like this version of me.

AITA?

This isn't a major issue, just wondering if I'm being a bit of an asshole.

• I do shift work, 5 out of 7 days, full-time.
• My partner works from home (mostly, sometimes he goes into the office) M-F, full-time.

Anyway, whenever I have a day off during the week he gets in his feelings when I make myself food (breakfast and lunch) but not him. His reason is he's working, I'm not - Which is fair but I've asked him how many times on a weekend has he gotten up, on his day off and made me breakfast and a lunch to take with me to work? You guessed it, 0.

So basically, just because I'm at home I don't think the responsibility to feed him should automatically fall on me when he manages to feed himself just fine while I'm at work.

Avoidant husband

I love my husband and he is a good man. We have some issues in our relationship however, as he has an avoidant attachment style (finds romance/intimacy/being emotional difficult). This comes from him having to be independent from a young age and having quite an abusive mother.
The issues in our relationship are mainly around a lack of sex and intimacy. I think the problem is that to feel turned on, I need to feel connected and wanted. My husband (being avoidant) will usually make jokes about being horny whereas I would want to have someone make me feel beautiful/sexy to get in the mood.
It sounds terrible but I've sometimes had dreams about exes that would make me feel this way, and the romance we had (eye contact, intensity, deep words). It makes me feel really guilty but I feel like i'm starved of that. My husband would like a lot more sex but I can't always force myself if I'm not feeling it.
We've spoken a bit about therapy but I know its often really expensive so we probably wouldn't be able to afford it. Do you have any suggestions please? I know that neither of us are wrong in what we want, just different but I'm scared about whether we can fix it or if we're doomed?

Big vent!

Hi mums.
I'm a first time mum in my 40s to twin boys.They are almost 5 months old and the biggest miracle in my life!
I am struggling!!!
I'm pretty sure I have ppa as my pregnancy was a very high risk and all I remember was crying from anxiety of all the ifs!Thankfully even born at 35 weeks and skinny,didn't need iu time.
My husband is not helping much because he's always too busy with work.He will "look" after them usually between 8pm-12am so I can have a chance to sleep.
He expects me to just sleep when I touch the pillow,even though I hear tje babies crying and him don't really bother because most of the times he'll be on his laptop working.
When I tell him I can't relax to fall asleep because I feel you r neglecting the babies,he says I'm the problem becauae I'm always there with them and don't give them alone time!!
I am angry!!I am furious!!
I can't keep.up.with housework becauae someone alwaya neess me and most of the times they nap I either cook and clean tje kitchen,do laundry or try and take a quick nap.
He doesn't help.around the house,becauae..guess what?always super busy.
I asked him nicely we could clean the house together every Saturday morning so it's easier and quicker for both of us and he said no,because he has a lot of work but probably wants to sleep until 12 or 2.
2 days ago a button of his coat ripped and I told him I'll sew it these days.
Earlier this morning while running late for his work,as always,he weara the coat and told him didn't get the chance to fix the button and sarcastically said..of.course u didn't!!!
I spent all night awake because one of the babies had congested nose and we've been trying to reduce one fees at night.
I wanted to punch him!!He left and I started crying...I cry so much,even at 5 months pp...
I can't go on like this anymoreeeee...
The crying in my ears is constant..my head is always numb..I've gained so much weight and can't find the strength to get back on track..
Even if I try to.find a therapist to just talk,is it gonna help?I really don't know😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭