Clingy mother in law

So my MIL has always been clingy to my partner. He's always been a mummies boy.
But when I had my baby it just all went onto him.
She facetimes my partner every. Single. Day. She tries to facetime me if he's at work but I don't answer because I don't need to? I'm also busy. My BIL is the same with my son very clingy. So they both are at the other end of the fwcetime call every single day.
My partner has Tuesdays and Fridays off work and my MIL knows this. We will either go over on a Friday or Sunday ( we live very close by ) I never invite them over to mine because they don't know when to leave or take hints and we go there weekly so what's the need?
Anyways everytime she calls she asks my partner in their own language when are you coming with the baby? Come on Tuesday? Cone on Friday and Sunday?
On Fridays when we go she questions what we're doing over the weekend and if we say nothing planned she tells us to come back Saturday and Sunday and then will ask ok what about Tuesday?
My baby is 11 months old and this has been going on since he's been born.
I've spoken to my partner who has said to her so many times we can't come all the time we have a life. She still doesn't get it. I mentioned to my partner I don't like the facetime calls everyday. She also calls my partner around 3 times a day on a normal phone call to ask what my son is doing.
When we go over I barely get to hold my son she does everytbing from the nappy changes to feeding. I started to nkt mind about this because I get a little break but it's still abit annoying. She also doesn't respect boundaries at ALL.
When mentioned all of thr above to my partner he gets annoyed. He says that because her English isn't 100 percent she doesn't understand. She speaks broken English but believe me she understands. She will sit and bitch about her whole family to Me for hours and tell me how to look after my son.
Anyway she will guilt trip my partner into going over there weekly, which I don't say nothing about I judt choose a Friday or Sunday and I'll go.
But I feel ifs affecting my mental health. She will sit and tell me what to do for hours
Today I've sent my partner with my son because frankly I cannot bare to see that womens face or hear her talk shit about everyone. I literally have hated her from day one.
If we don't go over one weekend because we need to see my family (once every 2 months, I have no family near by) she will have the hump and 'jokingly' tell me I'm keeping 'her baby' away.
She will also call me during the week and tell me how my partner doesn't care for her anymore. When we come over he doesn't speak to her at all etc. But all she does is fawn over the baby and get in his face and restrict him from exploring her very baby safe house incase he 'falls'.
How do I handle this situation? My partner gets angry and doesn't listen to my feelings and pulls the 'she won't be around forever' card on me or I'm 'jealous my mum isn't around' card.
I've gotten use to her insessent nonsense of telling me what to do. I do stand up for myself and my sons needs.
If I full on don't go over and refuse my partner will just simply not speak tome and make my home awkward.

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Sorrry you are going thru this

I have been thru something similar with My MIL

Tbh i just stopped bothering answering calls, and stopped returnung them
My MIL is very pushy and clingy and i had to tell my husband to nip it in the bud .

I bit my tongue a lot at the beginning but it got too much

My only advice is if your partner doesnt stick up for you or understand you, speak to his mum yourself.
And your partner insinuating you are jealous is actually very rude and its not nice at all.

Good luck hun😪

Girl do we have the same mil? 😂
I do exactly what you do - I ignore the phone calls. And when it comes to her keeping my baby girl away from me even when she’s distressed I just say she’s hungry and needs to be fed. That’s the good thing about mix feeding - I can pick and choose when I want to breastfeed. So maybe you can lie and use that as an excuse when you go over to give yourself a break and some time with your little one

Omg, this could be written by myself 😆 I completely understand you as my MIL is the SAME. And also my husband. She is so annoying I don’t know how to handle her when we go to her house ( which is more than 2 times a week!!)

Is she Asian as well?

This is so similar to my situation, I know exactly how you feel and I’m so sorry you have to continuously do this every week. You should start arranging to do things on those days and have plans so you don’t have to go all the time. I constantly try to keep busy so she doesn’t try and pop over randomly 😭 the calling everyday I can relate to so much! She will ring my boyfriend literally everyday asking the same thing how is the baby, is he big, is he feeding, I haven’t seen him, when will I see him. I find it so irritating and if he doesn’t answer cos he’s working she texts me the same thing every few days and calls me! But I’ve ignored the calls so much she’s stopped calling 🤣 although she has said to him that I don’t answer 😅 I never said anything about it just said oh sorry I’m busy and I must’ve missed it lol. I think she also gets jealous that I make more of an effort for my mum to help me (lives 1.5hrs away) but that’s because she isn’t over bearing or over the top

That’s really not fair your partner won’t speak to you for standing up for yourself. He needs to understand and voice your side of things especially if it’s affecting your mental health. I would say if his mum really wants to see baby ..maybe do every 2 weeks? And let your partner go with baby and you can stay at home or do something for yourself to have a break and then you don’t need to dread every day you have to go and see her. I have baby classes on Fridays and swimming on Wednesdays so that’s 2 days that she would not be able to come over.. why don’t you (if you can) try to arrange something you and your baby do weekly say on the Tuesday and Friday or weekend so she has to accept you can’t go there all the time as you have plans and other things to do. Your whole life cannot revolve around someone over stepping your boundaries, she will just have to deal with going that extra week without seeing baby and appreciate the days you do go. Your mental health comes first 🤍

Okay im going to be annoying and just suggest.....

Maybe she gossips to you about family as a way to bond with you, like maybe she's seeking connection with you. it's possible she's trying to find a way to love you.

The rest of what you said is irritating and out of line and difficult and idk why they all act like they know so much when they actually don't...... just because someone was a parent doesn't mean they have any parenting skills. Or grandparent skills. Grandparents should have to pass a test before the baby comes, I swear. Their job is to support you- whatever it is that you need.

It's very difficult to establish and enforce boundaries. I'd limit my visits to once a month to take care of my mental health and see if she confronts you about it. If she does, try to have a chat about why and perhaps she'll reflect. Might be hard with the broken English part though.

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