Unruly teenage boys?

I have a son who just turned 13. Lately he’s been getting into trouble at school and out of school. We’ve switched up his routine and the friends he can hang out with, but he still keeps getting into trouble. Unfortunately, we live in a very small town in Oregon where there are not a lot of extra curricular activities to get him involved in, especially this time of year. I have done everything I can think to do, conversations, punishments, etc. the only choice I had left was to send him to live with his dad for a wake up call. Has anyone else dealt with this with their teens, and how did you handle it?

I feel like an absolute failure as a mother, and I’m hoping this won’t give him some sort of abandonment issues!

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

What situations/behaviors specifically is he having trouble with? Is he behaving similarly problematically at home and at school?

Has he expressed anything he’s struggling with right now?

Don’t beat yourself up. I am going through this RIGHT NOW, he literally just got suspended yesterday. This year has been so hard. It makes me question my every move as a parent but I know I can’t control his decisions I can only encourage him to make good ones. It’s been rocky waters this entire school year and each phone call from the school leaves me in tears. Feel free to message me if you just need someone to talk to. I had no real advice as I’m trying to navigate through this shit as well 😫

He is disruptive in class at school & disrespectful to the teachers. He’s actually not too disrespectful to me at home, it’s just at school around friends. One friend in particular that he always gets into trouble with. When things get bad we basically don’t let him see or talk to this friend (besides in school because we have no control over that) and he starts to do better.

Hello, i am dealing with the same exact thing. Single mom to a 13 year old boy acting up. We started therapy and it’s actually been helping. A lot was him acting out to show off to his friends. Regular meetings with the school and teachers have also been helpful. Also working in building his confidence. It’s tough to be a teen and tough to be a mom to a teen!

His dad and I have talked about getting him into therapy. He (my son) is not fond of the idea, so I’m hoping he will actually open up.

I’m glad I am not alone! And sorry to you momma as I know the stresses of it! He got in school suspension just a couple of weeks ago. I was just at a loss. I think his issues stem from not having his dad around, we separated when my son was 4months old. So maybe being with his dad for a while will be helpful? Who knows, right?! Just trial and error at this point!

No advice for you, since I don’t have teens yet, but I just wanted to tell you you’re not a failure of a mother! Sounds like you’re doing everything you can for him. Hang in there! ❤️

He flys to see his dad (only 5 hours away, so not ridiculously far) and his dad comes to our house to stay several times throughout the year, so they still spend time together. Maybe just not enough time?

It’s such a tough age with all the hormones, the peer pressure, the need to fit in, and just feeling lost and misunderstood in general. His dad could be part of the issues but I think so much of it is just growing pains and trying to find their place in school. I think a lack of confidence is a high factor with my son as he does things to seem to gain the approval of the wrong crowd.

My son just turned 13 and in 7th grade. Almost his entire grade has been getting into trouble. This age is rough for kids and parents alike. It sounds like you are doing a lot of the right things. Keep listening to him. Introduce him to the idea of therapy, but try to avoid saying things like "you need therapy" or making it seem like you're sending him because he's unmanageable. You can try asking him things about his future. Who does he want to be when he grows up? Who does he look up to? His hormones and developing brain will be making a lot of decisions for him in the next few years, but you can keep prompting him to consider how his actions may affect his future without actually telling him that his actions are affecting his future. He may be a smart kid, but you're smarter. 😉 You aren't alone, though, and you're not a bad mama.

My baby is 3 months but I'm 19.. all I can say is the best thing that ever happened to me is getting put into a program. What they did was DBT/CBT therapy daily, journaling, outdoor time. Basically give him outputs for his frustration! Good luck :)

We are going through the same with my 13 going on 14 year old step daughter. We had no choice but for her to switch schools and stay with her mom most of the time. :( We tried therapy, extra curricular. Nothing worked. Turns out she just wanted to live with her mom full time and did what she could to make it happen.

I’ve been using a site called Teen Counseling which matched my kid to a therapist online that she can zoom talk to from her room. She liked the idea of being able to tell things to someone she couldn’t tell to anyone else. The other thing is getting him into a team sport or club that has “good” kids in it that puts him around kids that behave that he can compare the behavior to, if that’s an option.

in our community

What’s wrong with me?

My marriage has been struggling for years now. I just had another baby after falling for the lies and promises of change from an absent husband and poor excuse of a father to my children.
I’m left alone with 3 children to manage the house, the kids the meals the cleaning the shopping the drop offs and everything in between. I go days without showering or having to hold my toilet with no support as I cannot leave a newborn with toddlers. I’ve made adjustments like a bouncer in the bathroom and chairs in every room so baby is just glued to my hip 24.7 if I’m lucky enough to have a shower it’s with my baby watching me usually screaming. I used to have hobbies, dreams. I’ve tried filing for divorce, it’s a long story but for right now I’m stuck where I am.
I have just 1 friend and other than my mother no other form of support. I look in the mirror and I don’t know who the person is staring back at me. I fill with anger and rage and I want to damage something. I’m the worse version of myself and feel like I’m failing my children just moving from one day to the next. I’m not the person that looks like they struggle. I’m the person everyone turns to for help and advice when in reality I’m falling apart at the seams. A fresh blow dry, a blazer and heels and a fake smile. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors
I don’t need advice or medication I guess I just wanted to get this off my chest.

Weening

I’m a chef by trade but never for a baby 😂 ok so I’ve been weening my daughter since 4 months old she’s had purées and has been smashing them since the first day, for her 6 month “half birthday” we made her a whole stake and she’s refused to touch the purées since, I ordered a baby cook book but it’s only got recipes for 10 months plus. Best solid foods to give my 6 month old? She won’t even eat the fruit purees anymore the stake has turned her savage 😂 thank you all! Xx

hobbies

what are your guys hobbies i literally have no interests at this point i just completely lost my sense of self does anyone else feel like this?

Need to vent

I’m sick to death of having to remind my partner to do things for me e.g wash the bottles/sterilise whilst I’m asleep as he works nights so when he gets in that’s one of his jobs but funnily enough I’ll wake the next morning to them still in the washing up bowl and all I’ll get when he wakes up is ‘I’m so sorry I forgot’
I just feel sometimes I’m overreacting over the smallest things but I do literally everything for him as well as look after our boy on my own 90% of the time.
He gets frustrated when he can’t get the baby to sleep and asks me to take over which I will always do but I don’t get that option I just have to deal with it?

Also I didn’t get anything for my first Mother’s Day lol and feel like I let him off easily but when these little things happen it just makes me think does he actually care about me?

Am I just being a hormonal pyscho?

Overstepping in-laws or am I crazy?

I live with my fiancés parents as my brother is severely autistic so we couldn’t stay there, we are both 20 for reference and are looking for the right house for us to buy. My in laws will come and take her (my baby) in the middle of night without telling us and don’t see a problem with it, when I go to find my baby I often find her grandad naked in bed with her doing skin to skin and it makes me feel sick. I’m sure I’m probably over reacting and it’s a nice thing but it makes me so uncomfortable and when I brought it up to my partner I was told to leave it. Unfortunately they seem to think MY baby is theirs and it’s really stressing me out. They both keep making comments awww looks she can’t tell who her proper parents are, and “ oh grandma is just as much of a mum to her as you are” and honestly I’m starting to go down a hole of post natal depression and I just want to go back home to my family.

I wanted to throw the pancakes right in his face 😐

It finally hit me that my husband is very unappreciative of the things I do around here. Especially when it comes to meals. I do all the grocery shopping, meal prepping, cooking said meals, clearing the table, putting away leftovers, AND doing the dishes after. Last night I made shrimp po’boys & sweet potato fries & even added catfish to his per his request. Took me about an hour & a half to get everything ready. Fed the kids & made his plate. Went upstairs to change our 19 month old. Came back to eat my food (which was pretty much cold at this point). I wasn’t met with a “thank you for making dinner tonight” or “I really liked xyz.” Only a “here’s 3 things I would have done differently” and lists 3 things about he food he would change. And im sitting there like 😐low key wanting to knock everything off the table but I let him finish and I continued to eat my food in silence. This morning after being up kinda late trying to get our little one to sleep, I still managed to get up early to make breakfast for everyone. I cook and lay out all the food on the table. He comes down stairs and makes a kinda disgusted face & says “why did you make the pancakes so light?” 🫠🫠🫠🫠 not good morning or thank you for making breakfast. But why. did. you. make. the. pancakes. so. light 😐😐😐😐 I wanted to throw the pancakes dead in his face. I told him he could put them in the oven if they’re too light and now he’s giving me the silent treatment. Wtf.