Nursery questions and red flags

I have a nursery visit this week (my first) and was wondering if there was anything to look out for, red flags, good questions to ask kind of thing.

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the program having cameras in the room is always a plus, it just keeps everyone accountable. I’d ask about: how many students per teacher, and what the daily routine looks like, how they keep everyone’s personal items organized, and how accidents in the classroom are handled by staff (babies bump their heads all the time). It might also be good to check and see how they handle ill students; if fevers are sent home for 24-48 hours until fever free and such.

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Ask about their ratios, staff turn over, their illness policy and their policies when administering medication etc

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How long have the staff been there - it’s always a good indicator of how happy they are and how well the place is run

Is there a high turnover of children? Do people tend to take them out of their classes before they get to school age? Or do they generally stay until school

Are there displays of the kids’ artwork/work around the rooms.. I always thought that was sweet when you could see how well the creativity and work was celebrated

How do they keep in touch - diary / app? What info do you get- nappies, changes, food, naps, and is it in real time or is it one upload at the end of the day

Do they change nappies as and when needed? Or is it set times a day?

What do you need to supply- nappies/milk/food? Or is everything provided

What are the touchpoints for development growth.. do they keep a record of achievement / journal of your child’s journey

What’s their outdoor space like & how much garden time do they get per day? (I thought that was really important!)

Hope that helps!

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To be honest, i’d look at reviews more than anything! They will put on a massive show to all prospective clients

If possible AVOID AVOID AVOID getting little one in for Mondays. The UK love a bank holiday and you'll end up paying for nothing. Try middays.

Speak to other parents, it'll give you the best idea of everything

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Yeah that’s a good starting point as Sophia says- I put a note on the local Facebook group and asked for real life recommendations! They’re much more telling than marketing material! 😃

But then of course when you go to meet the nursery/staff you still want your own questions for your own checklists.
One thing I didn’t put above, your child’s key worker - will it be them doing drop off/pick up? Who updates you? And does the keyworker work full time/part time (ie will they always be there when your child is?)

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Agree avoid Mondays where possible. Reviews from others, how do you get updated on their day our nursery has an app where I know what he’s eaten, when he’s had his nappy changed, his nap and I get photos of his day then there’s observations made against the development matters. This helps as at hand over I get a quick update but it’s nice to see what he’s up to and to keep the pictures. I’d also ask about menus, how often are they changed, where is the food prepared etc.

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I’d say go and view, I thought I was pretty certain on where I wanted to send mine, went to view and couldn’t wait to get out! It was awful x

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And above everything go with your gut. It’s all about how you personally feel about the place and the staff. What works for one family doesn’t always work for another!

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Red flags for me I’ve picked up on: no cctv, no or few first aid trained staff, heavy reliance on agency staff, outdoor shoes on where babies were crawling, no outdoor space or time outdoors, cramped, unclean/disorganised, not a lot of interaction with the children, no app or regular communication with parents… generally go with an open mind but I think you get a feel for a place. No cctv was a big no no for me.

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Just observe the relationships with the children and the adults. Pick up on how many children are upset or unsettled. Look at how engaged the children are in the activities too.

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I think you’ll get a gut instinct when you look round. The first nursery I looked at for my son just didn’t feel right. They said they never took the kids out anywhere and they were very clear that the children, even at only 12 months, were expected to nap on a floor mat and just put themselves to sleep. I viewed another nursery, where he’s now been for 2 years, and instantly had a much better feeling about it. When he first started at 12 months and was struggling they were happy to rock him in a pram to help him nap, they’re flexible to each individual baby’s needs which I think is really important

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Just wondered if anyone can relate and this is hugely normal, or if I’m on my own.

Generally I take the majority of the household and family load - eg food shops, meals, cleaning, washing, school admin, planning etc (the list could go on and on). My husband does his bit but I’d say it’s mostly me that takes the lead. I can kind of get over that as I’m a bit of a control freak anyway, but I just feel under appreciated and a bit….unloved!

He’s never been great with gestures, planning dates etc. It goes as far as a cup of tea in the morning and that’s about it. He’s a bit of a stoic so it’s hugely generous with words either. And I massively resent it. I have for years tbh. Before kids it meant less as we had more time together but now it’s like….I’m doing bloody everything for this family and completely burnt out and I STILL don’t receive much in the way of love and affection. I don’t have huge expectations either, just thought and appreciation in however form would be lovely.

I don’t think he’ll change. It’s been nearly 20 years. Anyone else feel the same?

Note, he’s a wonderful dad and gives all his time to them, does pick ups, playing, bedtime etc. We both earn similar money etc so I’m not a SAHM. This is really about our relationship beyond the running of our family and home.

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3

I wanted to throw the pancakes right in his face 😐

It finally hit me that my husband is very unappreciative of the things I do around here. Especially when it comes to meals. I do all the grocery shopping, meal prepping, cooking said meals, clearing the table, putting away leftovers, AND doing the dishes after. Last night I made shrimp po’boys & sweet potato fries & even added catfish to his per his request. Took me about an hour & a half to get everything ready. Fed the kids & made his plate. Went upstairs to change our 19 month old. Came back to eat my food (which was pretty much cold at this point). I wasn’t met with a “thank you for making dinner tonight” or “I really liked xyz.” Only a “here’s 3 things I would have done differently” and lists 3 things about he food he would change. And im sitting there like 😐low key wanting to knock everything off the table but I let him finish and I continued to eat my food in silence. This morning after being up kinda late trying to get our little one to sleep, I still managed to get up early to make breakfast for everyone. I cook and lay out all the food on the table. He comes down stairs and makes a kinda disgusted face & says “why did you make the pancakes so light?” 🫠🫠🫠🫠 not good morning or thank you for making breakfast. But why. did. you. make. the. pancakes. so. light 😐😐😐😐 I wanted to throw the pancakes dead in his face. I told him he could put them in the oven if they’re too light and now he’s giving me the silent treatment. Wtf.

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RANT!! MIL & Partner

My partner told me that his mum called him and said our child is turning four and she feels like she’s never had her, whereas my family have. That’s not really true—apart from one time this year when our daughter stayed overnight at my mum’s because my partner had booked us a surprise one-night getaway, my family don’t have her regularly. My mum lives 40 minutes away, so contact is mostly FaceTime, and the only other family nearby is my gran, who lives about 10 minutes away.
My MIL originally asked to have our daughter on Tuesday, which I agreed to. She then changed it to Saturday, but I said no because we already had plans. She got upset, moaned, and said she’d just have her Tuesday then.

I told my partner that I don’t need anyone to look after our child. If I did, I would ask. I manage everything myself—I even take her with me to my brow appointments. Realistically, my MIL wouldn’t have her anyway because she works.

My partner then got angry and started shouting at me, saying that I often tell him our child hasn’t been listening or has been a handful, and that he’s tired of hearing it. He said I should just let his mum have her. He also said his mum is better suited to look after her than my family, and said my family are trampy and they can’t look after children properly. After that, he went upstairs, kicked some boxes on the landing, and said he was done with me🤯

The truth is, I don’t want anyone to have my child. I don’t feel I need the help, and if I ever did, I would ask. God forbid a mother can have a little rant to their partner if she’s had a stressful day with their child!😣

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11

My boyfriend told me I'm making what I'm going through affect my daughter and I stopped showing up for her the way I used to. He's right. How do I fix this?

Super depressed and hopeless most days. We're in a shelter and I'm currently working very low hours. I try to go to school trips and stuff and I do pick up and drop off but we don't do much else because of money. We used to have dates and I used to buy her clothes and shoes and now I feel so helpless

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8

Do children have a right to digital privacy…

even before they can consent?

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14

Am I being paranoid or gaslit?

I feel like I am being constantly gaslit by my husband over things that to me, should be common sense, but to him I’m “being dramatic” and “he won’t do that”

For example our son has just started crawling, we already have a baby gate at the top of the stairs but I want one for the bathroom door too because the actual door we have doesn’t shut properly and I don’t want him going in there and playing with the toilet brush and stuff like that, my husband said I was being stupid and “why would he do that he’s not stupid” and he thinks we should only have a gate at the top of the stairs and that’s it and any more I’m being obsessive about them, I also want one over the kitchen and bottom of stairs but again apparently that’s too much!

Another example I told him he has to turn his extension lead off at the wall now baby is crawling because I don’t want him to chew the phone charger or play with the sockets etc, he told me I was being ridiculous and “nothing will happen to him stop being paranoid”

Earlier I caught him texting while he was bathing our son and I said he needs to keep his hands and eyes on him at all times in the bath and he told me I was being paranoid again.

There’s been a few other digs here and there but these are the most recent ones. It’s making me worry when I have to leave my baby with him incase he’s not taking his safety seriously like why isn’t he thinking of all the potential dangers the way that I do all the time?
I have post partum anxiety which he knows about and sometimes I think he uses this against me.

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