Has anyone had to tell child that their dad isn't their bio dad

I honestly wouldn't say anything. My boys have same mum and dad and completely different eye colour. Genetics are strange things. Maybe try and have a chat with him about why he feels it acceptable to talk like that. Explain he is much more wealthier then some children. Kids don't need pudding everyday. Infact my son has been told he's only allowed it once a week by his dentist.
Maybe he is aware and is already acting out. I'd try to get him to bring up the conversation with you both. Otherwise you could risk making the situation a whole lot worse dx

Every child deserves to know the truth about their parents/heritage and where they are from. It’s cruel to deny them this and the longer you leave it, the more problems it will cause down the line and huge trust issues and a damaged relationship between you and your child which may never recover.

I have no experience of doing this, however my cousin met her current partner when her daughter was 3 and they’ve gone on to have a child together. The bio dad was never on the scene, and still to this day isn’t interested (she’s now 11). She started calling new partner “dad” when she was around 4 and my cousin told her about her bio dad when she was 5. He legally adopted her when she was 7 and she understands about her bio dad’s family and her stepdad but it’s not made a difference. She still views him as her dad. I think being honest and open about the whole situation made it easier for her.

My partner has a daughter from a previous relationship and she isn’t his biological daughter. He’s brought her up from 3m old and she’s now 13. She knows no different. We have discussed possibly needing to tell her as the older she gets and medial reasons she’d need to know. But same with you she’s at an age where she’s impossible.
Do what’s best for you x

So I was never told that my dad wasn’t my real dad. I found out when I was 16 as my aunt called to tell me to get back at my mum.


I was so angry I wasn’t told and it affected my entire life and still does… so my advise is tell him asap.

I was bought up by a dad that wasn’t my bio dad but he got with my mum when she was pregnant and bought me up. He’s even my dad on my birth certificate.

I did see my bio dad when I was very young but he lived in Scotland so it wasn’t often. I always was sort of aware that the dad who bought me up wasn’t my real dad… from comments from family members, and my step sisters telling me a few times after we’d had arguments. But my parents never addressed it… it was always this awkward elephant in the room.

My mum didn’t actually talk to me about it until I was 22!! She told me that my “real” dad had died when I was about 8 and had struggled with alcoholism which is why I didn’t see him much towards the end. I always just assumed he didn’t want to know me so. It was hard to grow up with this thing that I knew but felt like I wasn’t supposed to know, feeling like an outsider but no one ever talked to me about it, it was just a burden that I carried.

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That’s my experience but obviously it could be a very different situation for your son, he could be genuinely oblivious. But once kids start learning about genetics in school, etc he might figure it out. Plus it’s important for him to know from a health perspective… there might be genetic diseases and conditions on his dads side.

I think only you can make the decision, but that’s what would go through my mind if I was in this position and I hope that’s in someone helpful. Absolutely no judgement at all.

The most important thing is that your son is so lucky that your partner would bring him up as his own anyway. A dad is so much more than genetics! Xx

I got bought up by a man that wasn’t my bio dad. I still call him dad to this day. Then one day my mum and him had a argument and mum told me he wasn’t my real dad. When my bio dad got with his new girl he don’t bother with me at all. I wish I never knew in that case. Would save me so much confusion with where I really came from , things like that

To add onto my comment.
My brothers dad isn’t his dad. My mam and him had ‘break’ and on that break she fell pregnant but the real dad was married…
He never bothered other than random birthday cards.
My brother was told his dad was his dad and is still that way today. He’s 24 and still has no idea. I only know because one of her exes spilt in an argument and I was told not to say anything. Not even his dads family know.. so as far as his nan, auntie etc know they all think they are family

Everyone deserves to know the truth and it is far easier when they know the truth from a young age however you may want to consider speaking with a child psychologist re how to do it and the varying reactions your son could have.

I agree with daisy! I found out at 26 that my dad wasn’t my real dad and my mom kept it from me and I have been angry at my mom I haven’t spoken to her In 2 months

I think you and his ‘ adoptive’ dad should tell him together, but you should seek expert advice on how to since this is delicate and surprising. Let him know he was young and you weren’t trying to hide anything, but he may not remember. Show him photos of him and his bio dad. Explain why his bio dad isn’t involved. Let him know his adoptive dad considers him his son and family regardless that they aren’t blood. And that if he wants to reach out to bio dad you’ll be supportive. I don’t think he’d want to leave his siblings and live with a stranger, and even if he did it doesn’t seem like bio dad would want to change his own life so much.