Fiancé getting mad when I want to take crying baby

Yes this happens with us and I know that it seems that my husband is mad at me but I think it’s more he feels a tad of failure in that moment so I just try and reassure him that it’s not him doing something wrong. We just have to try get through some of these tricky bits and just remember that when we look back in a couple of months we won’t remember them!

Sorry but it sounds like you’re dealing with 2 babies here. This isn’t common and it’s honestly weird he takes offence. No one should want their child to cry and the fact that you want to stop it should be a positive, not a time to push out your bottom lip and whine. His behaviour is embarrassing and if that was my partner I wouldn’t even ask for my son back I’d just take him and tell my partner to grow up. You’re being quite soft on him when he’s being extremely immature.

I do the same with my husband. Every now and then i slip in jokes/comments about how she only loves me because I feed her 😂 i try to praise things that he does that i don’t do as well as he does. For example he can get our LO to take a pacifier, i suck at it. I know they’re grown men and should manage their own emotions, but it can hit a little hard sometimes when your baby is screaming bloody murder with you, and then calms as soon as someone else gets them. They sometimes don’t remember that it comes with the maternal bond/territory

It's great that he even puts in the effort, many moms don't receive that support from their partner, but neither of you should have to do it alone. Maybe try telling him you don't do it because you think he's incapable but you're giving him (as in dad) a break the same way (I assume) he'd give you one. There's no point in forcing the uncomfortableness

Don’t make it a mum is better in some moments thing. Have a few moments where baby is crying and he needs his dad. We had a phrase in our house - “wrong human”. We found that our little one would settle sometimes with the other parent when all else was failing. I think babies just like the change…

Mothers are literally wired to produce cortisol and feel stress when they hear their baby cry like that. It’s human nature that mom and baby have that type of bond, try explaining that it’s nothing personal. My husband did this once or twice and I was like, ha nope, sorry but this is just the way this works, he won’t calm down until I have him and vise versa, give me my baby lol it’s human nature, nothing personal. Love his effort, but he should respect you as his babies mother

that’s a bit harsh. I can see how it can be seen as immature, but at the same time people have emotions. Imagine if your baby won’t settle with you but calms the second someone else takes him/her. He’s justified to feel a bit sad but it is a bit immature the way he’s expressing it.

I don’t see that it is. He’s acting like a child, getting mad at his fiancée for wanting her crying baby back? That’s embarrassing. I never said he can’t feel sad, because I know he may want to feel like he can do it himself, but it seems like an ego thing and he doesn’t want to pass back his distressed child. Odd behaviour 😒

This is difficult it’s fantastic that you’re partner wants to help and my husband is very much the same. But babies do just sometimes want there mummy. They spent 9 months inside of us and they know our voices and smell better. My son was the same way and it’s not that I have ever wanted to stop my husband from being able to provide the attention our son needs it’s just sometimes our son wants his mum. We have had this since birth he’s now nearly 2 and sometimes still wants mummy. I’m pregnant and have been incredibly unwell and my son has on occasion rejected his dad and wanted me. Unfortunately I have not always been able to help and had to say mummy can’t help you right now but daddy will do that. We are now approaching due date and our son is a lot more accepting of dads help. My husband did feel helpless and rejected for a while tho. Just have a conversation with your partner about how you feel and know it is normal behaviour.

agree to disagree, we just have 2 different mindsets. His behavior is understandable, his actions are not. And it has nothing to do with ego. It’s just the territory that comes with having kids, you want to be able to make your kids pain go away, when you can’t you feel helpless and sad. He shouldn’t be getting mad at his wife for being able to do it, but his feelings are 100% valid.

he has every right to feel disheartened it didn’t work, but I’m strictly talking about his behaviour and the way he acts on it. That’s not normal.

He is taking it personal. Biologically we calm our babies down as they use our heart beats and breathing regulates theirs. He can’t do that. Your baby still feels like they are part of you now

yah I agree with summer! My husband definitely doesn't get offended if he tries to calm down baby and she wants me. Sometimes it's the other way around and so I get feeling a little defeated. But to actually be upset with you, that's definitely immature

What you’re expeiencing is normal and relatable and both of you are right in how you feel and respond. I think what’s essentially happening here is not giving him an opportunity to succeed as a parent by swooping in. It’s important that both parents feel successful in attending to their child’s needs and at times our motherly instincts get in the way of allowing our partner successful moments. Consider how he would handle your little one crying uncontrollably if you were not home and your partner would be the one to attend to him. He would likely be ok. Maybe in your head count until a certain number before intervening. Or checking in with your partner if he would like some assistance: if you just can’t stand the crying at all and want to swoop in maybe do an extra step before swooping in? Stepping away into another room for like a minute or something? You want to sent him up for success to know how to uniquely also soothe your little one. I hope this helps

@summer thats extremely harsh. “I’d tell him to grow up” ??? The whole statement is immature. Her partner is clearly expressing disappointment and a feeling of failure as anger and your solution is you’d tell him to grow up? Maybe you need to grow up. Most men dont even TRY the first couple of months. All one can do is give assurance and reiterate that its not personal. Not attack.

I have to agree with , it's ok to feel upset and all that but his behaviour is not acceptable. It is being immature. He is making it about him instead of the baby. However I think directly confronting him won't work. it sounds like he has a tendency to become a bit hostile and defensive and I think in these situations, talking to him in a "gentle parenting" way will help. It may help you break down that wall he keeps so high up.

but it isn’t harsh is it🤣 he is immature, getting MAD at your partner for wanting to console your child is crazy. If you feel the need to mollycoddle your partners when they’re acting like children that’s fine, but my partner doesn’t get angry at me for being a good parent☺️

Right but the point is he’s not getting mad “for being a good parent” he’s getting mad because he feels he ISNT. Telling someone to just “grow up” doesnt solve anything. Thats not going to magically mature him. When my husband would talk to me like that it did nothing but make feel like he was being dismissive.

I also get that, but the poster actually stated she’s tried to explain why babies settle better with their mums and he still gets upset and mad at her. There clearly isn’t much reasoning with him which to me shows a lack of maturity. If being gentle to them doesn’t work, I’d simply give up and just be brutally honest🤷🏻‍♀️

I always encourage my husband to figure out how to soothe the baby even when I'm nearby and he has done excellent job. Now I know that even when I have to leave for couple hours for work, he won't have any issues whatsoever.

But that's something I have found essential since the birth of the baby. I've wanted our baby to trust and be used with both of us.

So I personally think you should support and encourage him to learn how to soothe your baby as well. Just always remind him that if he needs help, you'll be there and maybe even give pointers, but I find it great and extremely useful that your fiance also wants to be a responsible parent.