Advice on my step son and partner

Your partner has no right to be mad and should keep that energy for the SS mum!! Who is she to dictate who he can stay with? U live there too so her dictating has now caused issues so maybe he should put that energy in telling her rather than being pissed off with you? You done your bit and you must be exhausted as it is, which he should appreciate. Also, if the SS can’t stay with just you I’d be telling the mum that he isn’t welcome to stay then and the dad can do day visits and take him out elsewhere. Your family life is gonna be dictated to forever and you have ur own kids to think of, why is he allowed to be rude to you? Will your partner allow your kids to stay up that late? 🤦🏻‍♀️honestly hate how dads are towards the kids they don’t see as often!! X

This is hard
The rudeness etc is disgusting and dad needs to get a grip and parent him he is 8 and still needs a bed time!
Playing games etc is sadly normal for this age it’s shit but it’s just what happens

As for not allowed to stay with you, was that your request or did his mum say it because she believed it? If it’s your request I think you have to be the adult here and accept that he’s part of your family and you will sometimes have to be alone with him especially if the alternative is dragging a recovering child out! I get saying it can’t become a regular thing etc but sometimes we have to make allowances! Obviously if his mum has requested it then he can go back to hers for a bit can’t he as there’s no alternative and she may realise she’s been daft..

I think your partners got a right to be mad like you’re the child’s step mum and I’d imagine if the roles where reversed and he was your child and not his you’d be annoyed at him refusing to ever watch him..

But I also don’t think you’re wrong for saying nope he can go with you normally but if he’s had a vomiting bug yesterday it’s probably not wise for him to go out today 🤷🏻‍♀️

sorry i should have mentioned i decided he wont stay because of the lies he told my partner says all kids are rude he will learn when he grows up hes completely in denial he knows hes rude but wont do anything about it x

i know but he wont do anything to stop it he sets no rules. I made the request because of the lies he told his mum i thought it’s better if someone was here at all times so no one can say anything. He was perfectly fine this morning it’s because he didnt eat properly yesterday hes eaten today and is running round playing games. I wouldnt be annoyed if my daughter was rude and said shes gonna get her mum to beat him up and hes a bad dad and makes lies about him etc if he was still sick i would watch him like yesterday but hes fine…

also i take his phone and no screentime for an hour before bed and hes sleeping before 9 but when his dads here he wont. Then he says i upset him and took all his stuff making me out to be bad… i also cook him nice food he will eat it bc he knows i wont give him crisps etc but later will call his dad saying hes hungry i havent given him anything and ive been shouting at him etc i cant do anything right. My lg wants to go to the park and he only wants to stay in the house and play on his phone, then i get moaned at my his parents if we dont go out…

this sounds like my SS I’ve also said based on his lies, rudeness and disrespect I will not have him on my own anymore. Also sounds like my partner

So I’ve said if he won’t eat my food he’s not getting a takeaway/treats until he’s had dinner, I’m not having him dominate the tv playing games 24/7 all because dad doesn’t wanna say no

I think you’re well within your rights to say no and sometimes it’s better to say no then to face accusations xxx

sounds like you’ve got on OH problem more than a SS one as he isn’t supporting you and backing you!
He’s seeing his dad undermine you and disrespect you so he’s doing the same!

It’s shit - I’d let your oh know that ultimately you’re not free babysitting when he doesn’t support you and he needs to parent his bloody child!!

I can relate to alot of your situation

Your partner needs to grow some and parent his child whilst supporting you step-parenting (which is a harder job imo) until that's done i would do what you have done and take a step back from anything parenting wise because if he cba why should you 🤷🏾‍♀️ you look after yourself and your babies for the time being

Here for a chat if you ever need someone to rant BM drama over 🙄 xx

my SD is the exact same!!! Would come here and talk to her dad like shit, treat our house like shit and treat me like an outsider. If I said anything I was the one in the wrong? I had to sit and listen to ‘my mummy doesn’t like you Gabby because she said you’re a rude horrible person’ had to bite my tongue from saying ‘well ur mum can go fuck herself’ but I have to put up with that in my own home? Now my LO is here I refuse to do it!! Not having her growing up watching her big sister and think it’s ok? But also not having her watch her dad treat them both differently and be stricter on her than he is with his other daughter!! It bloody sucks when the dads don’t see issues!! My LO cries (she’s 5 months) and he can’t handle it but his 7 year olds turns on the water works for being told no and he goes running? Plsss u and ur kid can stay elsewhere x

I think your OH either needs to get on board for parenting e.g. not providing the bad food, boundaries with screen time, bedtime, telling SS not to be rude.

Until he does I think it’s perfectly acceptable for you to say no to looking after him. Illness being an exception but you’ve already covered that.

Hope things do get better.

Thank you everyone! Its nice to know im not in the wrong of course i will look after him of hes ill but apart from that no i wont normally he only stays the weekend but hes stayed all week this week. Hasnt showered ive forced him to brush his teeth trying to force him to eat its been hard! Last night was a nightmare i said you need to be sleeping before 9 if not he can go to close the business with his dad as i go to sleep at 9 he went up to bed as soon as his dad left he started jumping on the bed being loud opening the door for my lg’s room blasting the tv (we sleep in the same bed) so i got no sleep as i cant sleep with the tv on i knew he wasnt going to sleep but i wanted to give him a chance my lg just started nursery so her sleep is all over the place. I didn’t get to sleep until about 1 because of his noise and jumping on the bed and my rls when he did finally get to sleep then my lg woke from 3am-6am so i had no sleep im beyond annoyed.☹️

the food situation is same here! You’re definitely not alone! My SD only eats certain foods (so she says, I’ve noticed when she’s been at my mums or my sisters or her nans she eats what she’s given but here she likes to demand and refuse food but I do think that’s because she knows her dad will give her what she demands) she also eats with her hands and takes over an hour to eat!!
Nah no way, ur partner needs to put a stop to that asap because that’s not fair on you or your little one!!! I wouldn’t be allowing him to stay if he can’t go to sleep when told to!!!