Mother in law wants to visit newborn asap

You have every right to ask for privacy. As the human who is undergoing giving birth and NEEDING recovery time- its a basic. I was always told the 5,5,5 rule. You spend atleast 5 days IN bed after delivery dependent on how it goes- 5 days ON bed doing very light activity, and lastly 5 days AROUND bed just doing little things around your home. Because you will have a gaping dinner sized plate wound inside of you ( from your placenta) you deserve peace of mind to come to terms with your new rule and your body’s healing. I would stand my ground in a calm and direct manner. I hope your husband can take the time to hear you out logically and support you while navigating things with his mother that will not put you at discomfort.

Not remotely selfish. We had our first during Covid and it was pure bliss. A full month without visitors, apart from 1 visit from each set of families in our back garden at a distance. My own family it was through a window. It was such a nice time of getting to know one another as a family and I’d recommend it to anyone!

Sorry not rule, new role*

I set rules and standards for everyone to follow before I had my son and told everyone who wasn’t living with us that we weren’t having visitors for the first month because me my husband and our 2 oldest had to get use to having a new baby around and wanted time for me to recover from my c section and let him get a little older.

Your thoughts are valid mama! It is YOUR body that will need healing and YOUR baby that will need your unstressed and undivided attention. You need to sit your man down and let him know that you NEED the privacy because you’re going to need to heal the way you wanna heal. It is an invasion of privacy if you want to be alone with your baby and people aren’t respecting that. Especially if y’all are going to be in a confined space together which could cause more stress post partum. Maybe you should sit him down and explain to him like a child that you’re Vag is going to be on fire, when your placenta falls out you’re essentially losing an organ, and you’re going to be bleeding heavily. All of which are good reasons why you wouldn’t want his mom to be around. Also the soul fact that you just want to be alone and enjoy your newborn should be enough for him to understand.

No, I wouldn't let her visit. Or anyone else. Let the baby get a immune system and some vaccinations first.

Unless she's willing to come over, quarantine, covid test, and mask when she's around baby then yeah.

But no one wants to be that careful

Ultimately, you are the mum, you will be going through birth and recovery post partum and it has to be what YOU are comfortable with. You’re going to literally bring a new life into this world and you will need rest. You are allowed and totally validated by thinking of yourself and your baby during that time. Surely anyone can understand that!!

Personally, I was very eager to have family to visit and see my baby as soon as she was born as I was so keen to show her off haha. It also helped me feel back to normal and feel like myself again by seeing my loved ones so soon after birth! It really helped my mental health having people around me. However, you have to do what’s best for you. Don’t let ANYONE make you feel pressured or selfish no matter what you decide to do

We have a very similar situation. My husband and I live in an apartment in Chicago and both our families are from the Philippines.

I had to put my foot down and say I want a few weeks without anyone visiting (which means staying over in our apartment) and set a limit on how long they can stay.

I initially felt selfish but realized I'm doing what I think will ultimately be best for my family in my opinion.

You have the right to set your boundaries mama! It will be an emotionally, physically and mentally draining time do what you can to help

Totally within your needs to ask for time! You will need that time to adjust and figure out your new family and routine.

Maybe ask her to come in December so she can spend the holidays with the new baby? So maybe it won’t hurt her as much?

I 10,000 💯 agree with you ia have had 2 kids and all you want is time on your own to figure everything out and if your breastfeeding that in it's self is a hard time never mind everything else on top xx

God no! A lot of couples go into a cocoon after they have a baby - you’ll be feeding round the clock, recovering from a major bodily trauma and likely surviving on very little sleep. Don’t let anyone near you unless they are strictly there to help - and definitely don’t let anyone push you around over this. It’s a massive upheaval and it’s not the time for unwanted houseguests.

Can you compromise and find a cheap hotel locally, like a premier inn for her to stay in? I think it’s lovely that she wants to meet her grandchild and be there to help, but I agree that you do also need your privacy.

Not at all! We waited a week and only then did family pop in for the day and then drove home again!

We enjoyed our time as a three 🥰🥰

Ask your husband to have a word, even then she can stay in a hotel. You will go MAD in your flat with house guests

I was in the exact situation when mine was born in April. I asked for no one to come till I was ready. Once I was settled I invited people to come

I don’t think you are overreacting. Before my first was born we told both sides of the family we would have no visitors for the first three weeks. My husband’s family understood, but my own mother really wasn’t happy/on board. Despite her grumblings, I’m so happy we set those boundaries because that time was so precious and also so challenging and we didn’t have the capacity to cater to/take care of anyone else’s needs.

Having language/cultural differences makes your situation a bit tricker, but I’d stick to your guns… Also consider that this will be just the start of an ongoing process of establishing norms/boundaries when it comes to raising your child (with both sets of in-laws) and the earlier you do it the better

My mother in law stayed with us for the first week after I got out of hospital
It was amazing. She cooked, she cleaned, she even watched the baby in the middle of the night so I could sleep uninterpreted in-between feeds. She's also a doctor so it felt good knowing medical help was on hand
She's doing the same when I have the next baby next month

Tell her it's fine as long as she gets a hotel (I that would make it bearable for you of course. If not then say no)

Not overreacting! My mother in law is coming 12 days after he is born. She is staying with my parents and we will give her my car so she can come and go.
We have had to put in some boundaries early as they can often forget, get excited and then make it all about them.

I think get your partner to set the boundaries with her and the expectations for her visit. It is his mum after all. Doesn’t matter if he doesn’t get it, you are the mum and are the one with the responsibility on your shoulders. He needs to respect your wants and needs.

I’m going to write down some jobs/things that need to be done around the house and leave them out for her to look through. I’m lucky that my mother in law does want to help but she needs to be asked/directed.

I hope you are able to get your partner to understand and work out a suitable arrangement for everyone.

It’s really up to you what you are comfortable with. You’re the one that just went through intense labor of pushing a human out so you’ll need to remind them of this to put themselves in your shoes

You decide if she gets to come! I waited a few months! Mainly bc I lived across the country. But yes esp since she lives abroad you don’t want her introducing baby to germs so quick! Your baby’s safety comes first!
THOSE FIRST FEW WEEKS ARE SO IMPORTANT FOR YOU AND UR HUBBY TO BOND WITH BABY. I wouldn’t jeopardize that by having other fam over so quick