Signs of SA?

So it’s totally normal for toddlers to start fondling themselves around this age, but what do you mean acting strangely around her dad? Here’s a resource to get you started, https://www.thewholechild.org/parent-resources/age-0-5/how-to-identify-child-abuse-ages-0-5/
If you scroll down some there’s a section for sexual abuse.

Like when he tries to change her diaper she throws a full on kicking & screaming tantrum. But she doesn't do that with me.. she'll mess with her chest & has attempted to do that with me but I stopped her immediately. She always wants in his room & just lays in bed with him I've caught him shirtless with her or he's changed in front of her. She's started trying to or is sticking her fingers inside through the sides of her diaper.

It just worries me because she's never really been "exploring " herself before. & when he has stripped his shirt off in bed with her he's really quick about explaining why. Like I just opened the door " she spit on me so I had to take it off but I didn't wanna get up yet".

So those things individually aren’t really cause for concern but you know your child best. Your pediatrician would be the one to ask if you have concerns, and you could start by sharing what you shared with me. He would examine her for signs, and explain to you what signs to look for.

In contrast, my kid is almost 4, and i work with kids of similar ages so I can shed some light on normal behaviors but if you have suspicions, please ask your pediatrician.

Like i said fondling herself is normal. At this age it’s absolutely crucial to use the proper names for body parts, vagina, vulva, etc.. when she touches herself you teach her that’s ok, but not with mommy or daddy. Only in the bathroom or her bedroom by herself. Use the word privacy a lot. “That’s privacy. do you need privacy?” The key is to teach privacy without shame. If she feels it’s bad and shameful then she won’t come to you for help if someone else touches her.
It also normal behavior for a child to have a parent pref

Parent preference is normal. They can often go through a whole thing where they will only listen to dad or only listen to mom. Sometimes fighting diaper changes can be a sign of being ready for potty training. I personally don’t think having a shirt off around a kid is anything to worry about but then again I walk around buck ass naked all the damn time. I sleep naked and my kid still comes to sleep in bed with me in the middle of the night sometimes. But we have had frequent discussions of what privacy is and he tells me when he wants privacy or alone time. I can tell him that I need privacy. When he fondles himself I stop and remind him that he needs to go to the bathroom or his room. Not with mommy. That’s privacy.

Anyway, just wanted to provide some insight on toddler sexual development behaviors, but again I have to reiterate, if you suspect, please talk to your pediatrician about your concerns. He is trained to identify abuse of all kinds.

You can set it up as a normal “check up” with the pediatrician and go with just you and her. Tell him or her your concerns and let the experts handle it from there. Go with a list of questions like “what are the signs of abuse at this age? I’ve experienced this and this with her dad and it’s giving me a bad feeling, can you help me sort it out? I understand this is a serious accusation I’m not ready to make yet, I’m just trying to make sense of this and I need help” that sort of thing.” And anything else you can think of ahead of time. Good luck mama, and go talk to the pediatrician to be sure.

I also was a victim of sexual abuse as a child. I can tell you it’s better to ask questions and be sure than it is to question and wonder and imagine.

Okay this is a weird trick but it usually works. Use a vibrating massager to touch her on the back. If she flinches look into it more. If she leans into it and acts normally I’d still be careful but you could be more at ease

sorry Laura, but where did you hear that?

my mom read an article years ago. My sister and I are unfortunately SA survivors and we reacted strangely in comparison to my step brother who wasn’t. Like I said, weird trick but it’s proven useful