Advice

I’m looking for people in a similar position to me and can give me some advice.

I’m not gonna go into detail and I just cannot be bothered, I’d be sat here all night if I had to type out everything that’s happened.

Basically, I no longer want a relationship with my MIL. She’s toxic, a narcissistic, a gaslighter, emotionally abusive and a manipulator.

I of course would never ever make my partner choose. He has already expressed to me that he wants to continue speaking to his mum and his family and sharing our little girls life with them. Again, if this is what he wants then I will respect it.

I just want to know if it’s possible to continue our relationship if I don’t want anything to do with his mum? He has told me he respects my decision also and would never force me to do anything I don’t want to, he understands my reasons for feeling the way I do and why I don’t want anything to do with her anymore.

I made this decision a few weeks ago and I already feel like there’s been a bit of a strain on our relationship ever since, I’m not sure how to approach it and talk to my partner without making it sound like I am making him choose because that is honestly the last thing I want. I just want him to be happy. I also need to put myself first as this woman has battered my mental health and I just won’t do it anymore.

Does anyone else not have a relationship with their MIL at all and their relationship still been okay? Appreciate any positive stories as this man is the love of my life and if I lost him, I don’t know what I’d do. Thank you.

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You're not alone!!

I just cut her off. And he eventually followed, but I didn’t let her in my daughters life. I was not okay to let her be manipulated and gaslighted by this woman. I said he could have all contact with her he wanted but our daughter was to be left out of it, it’s been nearly 2 years now and we haven’t heard from her she doesn’t even message him. It might sound selfish but, mine and my daughters stability and mental health means more to me than any relationship. Hope you find a balance!

It killed me every time my husband saw his family after how they treated me. Ultimately my husband had to choose, the family he made or the one he came from. I just couldn’t handle it, I tried so hard, I prayed, but ultimately they had said too much and done too much for me. I was never going to be comfortable With them having access to my child

I feel the same, I personally do not want her having ANYTHING to do with my daughter. I just feel horrific putting those feelings onto my partner. I’m hoping he will eventually see what I see, I just need to let him do his thing & when he’s ready, he’ll see what I see

My MIL hasn’t been able to contact me by phone in 10 years. We have zero relationship due to her showing herself up at the beginning of mine & my husband’s relationship & she’s now shitting herself now I’m pregnant with our first. She will remain at arms length no matter how “nice” she appears. In my situation, my husband was sort of aware of how she behaved anyway, so it wasn’t as difficult. However, he is of the “time has passed, people can change” generation & I certainly am not.

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Partner works incredibly long hours, how much do they help out?

I'm struggling. Have been for a while. I've had one break from parenting my daughter, that was for 3 hours in December when I left her with her dad.

She's 14 months old and I'm just tired. I've done every night by myself. He's out of bed at 4am and doesn't get home until 7-9pm. He drives for work, very physically tiring.
On the weekends he was doing 6 days, one weekend day off, but now has both off.

He doesn't sit on the floor and play with her, he doesn't read to her because he says she doesn't have the patience.
He will pick her up and hold her whilst he's cooking.

Recently I've been "snappy" with him.
He got back from the mechanic last weekend, she was getting onto the sofa and he put his headphones on and started to watch Netflix on his phone.
The same day I told him I was going to run her bath and to watch her whilst she was still eating, he fell asleep on the sofa.

Today he went to football after going shopping, so was out 1-3 and then from 4-8.
He got back and I was snappy.

"I don't get why you're so snappy with me"

I said - Probably because I haven't had a break since December.

"Do you think I don't know you haven't had a break. I haven't had a break", "I just won't go to work, I'll sit at home all day".

Then "do you think I like not having a connection to my child"... But that's on him? He never sits to play with her. He "doesn't see the point". He's stated that this age is boring to him.

Since she's been born, he has been to a friend's once a month. Football - He stopped going for 7months, but has been the last two weekends.

Are these not breaks?

He does do the washing/washing up/cooking/vacuuming when I haven't had a chance to; but I'm the one in charge of feeding her, naps/bedtime, teeth brushing, hair brushing, baths, dressing her, making sure she has the right shoes, appointments etc. Everything falls on me.

If your partner works ridiculously long hours, how much do they look after your child? Do you ever get a break?

Am I wrong ?

My daughter’s 1st birthday was Thursday and nobody wished her a happy birthday from her dads family but his mom watched his story. Should I put my foot down and set boundaries for them to accept accountability or should I just let them stay on that side for as long as they want and not worry about it?

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