Secretly Masturbating.

Damn. I have a similar issue. Mine says he doesn’t wanna have sex with me because he thinks he’s gunna hurt the baby with his penis. I already explained to him that it’s not possible🤦🏽‍♀️

I respect an understand your outrage . Maybe you are stronger woman than I am . But it does hurt my feelings when I work to be very open book about my sexuality and I'm available for intimacy and he choose porn and masturbation. Is concerning cause as Christians we truly believe that even our thoughts of lusting over another person is infidelity. I'm looking for solutions,not judgemental bystander. And the second comment that left thank you for the advice .first comment so sorry you are going through that .

Mayka maybe he will feel safer if he heard it from your OBGYN ,we know that is very hard to hurt the baby by having the proper intercourse,but sometimes having a Doc says it gives you sense of secureness

Thanks, I’ll make sure to try that! Sorry I couldn’t really give you any advice. What you’re going through is hard, and I’ve got no ideas🤦🏽‍♀️ but I do think talking to him about it without shame would be good. Try to be as straightforward as possible. Don’t do it while you’re busy doing other stuff. Make sure you’re both calm and have time to talk it out thoroughly because if he keeps hiding, he obviously feels shame, so he won’t respond well if you acknowledge his actions in an abrupt way.

When men have this kind of habit, it's not going to stop. It's his body and his choice if he wants to self love. If you want him to think of you when he does it then tell him that, not tell him to stop. And if he likes porn, then make ur own for him to use when his urges kicks in. Masterbating is a natural stress relief and pain management for both genders, don't try to take that from him or demand he tells you. Just assume he does it every time he showers. If you think he's not "performing" as well as he can because of him masterbating, then talk about it and experiment if that's actually true. Most of the time it helps them not be "too quick" when they have sex. Wanting to be part of it sometimes is a healthy thing to want. Trying to regulate and control him is not. The porn issue, definitely tell him if it makes you uncomfortable or self conscious. It can provide ideas and inspiration to try in the bedroom with each other. That should always be the goal, to enjoy each other and have great LOVE Life.

I appreciate Clarissa and Mayka

I'm not trying for him to stop ,he willingly promised that to me , I'm just trying for him open up with me ,that it won't affect our faith or sex life cause it is . I'm not asking for a unrealistic promise or for him to Stop ,if we have a understanding that's happening then it would be nice not to walk in on him accidentally and I would feel more comfortable for our marriage sake and faith if the energy is in me in thought , I'm trying to understand something I don't do myself ,I don't masturbate and if I feel urge or sexual I tell him always and go to him ,I don't go out of our marriage like porn or self . So I'm trying my best to understand him and be there . I hate when he puts himself in a position to lie ,hide and me feeling betrayed.

I don't intent to control him , it's hard to be the one giving 100% in openess and keep active sex life . I'm not a religious nut that believes sex is just for procreating lol ,or having control.

I can imagine how you feel. I can imagine the feeling hurt because its not like you're denying him, you are right there an available so why would he choose to do that when he has you. I also believe that about lust. I actually think that lusting after people who aren't your spouse is kind of like bringing those strangers into your marriage bed, which is supposed to only be for your husband/wife. Your thoughts and what's in your heart matters as well as what you say and do. The bible doesn't exactly say that about it being like bringing strangers into the marriage bed, but God does talk about the marriage bed being undefiled in Hebrews 13:4. And Jesus talked a lot about what's in our heart in the gospels. I don't normally talk about the Bible on here but I feel comfortable since you mentioned you guys are Christians. Maybe looking into this from the word of God and sharing scripture with him might convict him on this. That is how I approached my husband because he used to have a porn addiction and 1/2

Would also lie about it. He also hated it on his own because it warped his mind and caused him to see people as objects instead of people. He wanted to stop because he knew it was wrong, but it was difficult because it was an actual addiction as real as a drug addiction. But through prayer and with time and many heart to heart conversations, he overcame the porn addiction and our marriage has improved since. I believe I understand how you feel because I went through something similar. Definitely feel free to message me. I know not everyone can relate but because of our faith I think we might have the same views on this. Your husband can overcome this too. I will pray for you guys. 2/2

Faith? How so? I'm curious? Now this is my opinion as a Christian too. If you want him to be more open and honest then you have to be in a mind set to receive the truth without responding with judgment or defensive/ shaming statements. But being honest is separate from him masterbating. It would be naive to think this is this only area he can't be honest with you about. Don't use your faith as a weapon to shame him. If you are married guess what you both masterbate in the shower. When husband and wife become one flesh, they are no longer two, but actually one. I'm sure you read that in the Bible. His desires are yours to forfill and vice versa. Did you grow up suppressing your sexual nature? Generally men don't but women are pressured to do so. Due to religion, society or our parents. Boys start playing and exploring themselves as early as a baby. It's just sticking out there and full of nerve endings and it gets stiff as a baby too. My point is his body and mind are different but not wrong.

You're not wrong for feeling the way you do either. Just separate your personal feelings from your religious views when talk about it with him. Start ur sentences... I feel as your wife or I believe as a Christian and be open and listen to what he believes and feels too. It doesn't matter what we say or believe here, we are not in your marriage you are. You both should come to an understanding, even if you don't agree with each other. You are going to have to forgive him for being human and indulging in his urges, it was never meant to hurt you I'm sure. It has nothing to do with not wanting you, I can promise you that. But ask him for yourself. Don't let him make promises either. Don't let him set himself up for failure. Stopping negative behavior is a process, especially if he's been doing for most his life.

I just want to make sure you know YOU ARE NOT WRONG for feeling the way you feel. Personally kinda disgusted at the comments making you feel wrong for how you feel about it. There is NOTHING wrong with wanting to be open & honest and expecting that from your partner. I’ve been successfully married for 10 years to my HS sweetheart and I can tell you the ONLY way this has happened is by us being open & honest at all times.

I would just talk to him about the lying (in a very not confrontational way) and sort out why he feels the need to do so and clarify things so you can both be happy and so communication and honesty always take place.

PERSONALLY, it feels very controlling of you to have this stand point. Faith or not. A person is allowed to touch their OWN body the way they please to. I honestly don’t think he even HAS to tell you if he does. Thats his own privacy. (I didn’t read through all the comments, didn’t feel like it tbh)

And it seems you didn't even read my story either . Appreciate the shade.

Masturbation for men is their "me time." I don't think I should ever be taken as a negative towards you. I really think it's just mundane maintenance for them lol

The number of people defending your husband is unfair. It must be nice to have a husband who makes you feel so secure. Some of us do not have that. When your husband is watching porn and jacking off more than he has sex with you, then that is definitely an issue. Imagine not having sex with your husband for weeks and being turned down and excuses made each time, but then you walk in on him, jacking off to porn to girls that look nothing like you. I understand that self pleasure is normal, I do it, and I wouldn't expect my husband not to. It only is an issue when that Is their go-to all the time. It is hurtful and makes you feel undesirable.

Same. We didn’t have sex for about 2 years. He didn’t find my attractive anymore. Sometimes it’s still hard to do :/

I have a lot of sexual trauma, so I withhold sex from my husband and have to work really hard to be sexual with him. It can be really hard, though. Sometimes, I break down crying in the middle of it. Sorry, tmi. Anyways, it's getting a lot better, but because of our situation, I have 0 problem with him maturbating. I'd rather him do that than step out because he's not getting what he needs. HOWEVER, no porn.

I feel if he was watching porn the temptation to step out would be much worse. So I don't care what any other woman has to say, if you are uncomfortable with porn, you can say no. You don't need to be mean, harsh, or judgmental about it when yall talk, but you can make it clear you're not okay with it. It may take him time to get the picture, though, so be patient with him and be kind to yourself. It isn't a you problem it's a him problem.

As far as masturbating, I wouldn't focus on that. The less he's watching other women, the more he'll be able to see the woman right in front of him.

Thank you , I appreciate the support

You could fix this by shutting off the hot water. Cold water really has a way of shrinking things fast. Lol. But seriously, it sounds like you need an open discussion with hubby. Maybe you don’t feel as sexually attractive being pregnant now and he is afraid to hurt you or the baby with more sex. I would talk to a therapist. He knows you don’t like it, so he hides it. And that is upsetting. We had to work through intimacy issues a lot, too. So I understand your feelings.

lol 🤣 , and true thanks