My partner is a bit aggressive about sex

Men who pressure women into sex are truly disgusting. I’m sorry to say. You should be able to say no, and he should respect you enough to say okay baby and leave it there. The fact he gets in a mood with you when you say no is truly foul. He doesn’t respect your boundaries. He doesn’t respect your feelings he sounds selfish, very selfish and honestly I’m struggling to see how you cope with this and why. The fact that you have spoken so many times about this and he still does it all you need to know you’re gonna have to put your foot down. You’re going to have to stand your ground

@Amy thank you I don’t know what is almost like he convinces me I’m bad for not wanting it. I’m going to put my foot down and if it ends because of it, it ends. I think I cope because of the kids and when he’s good he’s incredible. Not worth this though.

A women is allowed to say no, it is your body and your choice to pick and choose when you allow him to have your body. He is turning you off with his behavior if he wooed you and put effort into pleasuring you then it would probably be a different story. it's him that needs to change his approach. Sex is supposed to be pleasurable for both parties if its not its shouldn't happen. Hope you can have a proper conversation with him about this and explain to him its going to end up finishing your relationship if he doesn't listen to your wants and needs.

Simply and purely that is sexual assault and the penetration itself would be considered rape. I recommend going to a sarc clinic just to have this all properly recorded. They won't force you to report to police but they will help you with advice etc to figure out a plan. Never stay in a toxic relationship for the sake of the kids. I had the same qualms and the same issues and made the decision to finally leave nearly a year ago and it was the best decision ever. Kids are happy and thriving and I am doing much better physically and mentally. However in mindset things became so toxic with the sexual abuse alongside other types of abuse and by failing to have it evidenced with 'Professional' authorities is what ended up as a shortcoming when I finally had the courage to call the police for help. So what you experienced is wrong, pure and simple no means no and he has to respect that but he is also exhibiting wider behaviours of abuse. I recommend in private doing the free freedom programme too x

You went into this relationship aware that he was like this though? You were hoping he would change but i mean there was no guarantee. It’s not right for him to get aggressive about it but also know that his want for sex isn’t new. It looks like your needs and wants have changed, not his. Maybe therapy would work?

This is purely disrespectful behaviour. He needs therapy because he doesn’t understand that sex is consensual. He thinks it’s his right. And he doesn’t understand “reading the room” and what “appropriate” is. He feels entitled. Take control of this now hun. Sit his ass down tonight and talk calmly but assertive. Tell him you are done with his attitude when you say no to sex. You’re allowed to say no and from now on he needs to respect it and act like a grown man not a little boy (you don’t have to say that) . Good luck

@Wendy yeah, to be honest I was keen in the beginning too but it transpired that he wasn’t bothered whether I wanted to or not after two months, which in turn lowered my desire, and I stupidly brushed it off I guess. I also didn’t realise having children would decrease my shit as far as it has.

Yeh I don’t buy that you have a right to demand the same amount of sex forever because it’s what you signed up for earlier on. Life happens, and in any partnership, things have to change. It’s literally in the vows - in sickness and in health, no matter what right? You don’t owe anyone anything.

@incognito And it’s okay that your needs and wants change, that’s normal! He’s just not understanding that and communication and understanding has to be better on both parts. He has to understand that it’s not him, it’s that your more tired or busy now. Maybe there’s ways that he can help with the baby or around the house that will help you feel more relaxed? Just a suggestion! But I am a believer that in most cases relationships just need better communication and understanding

@Wendy I do agree with you on healthy communication will help but what she is describing is some unhealthy traits and behaviours from her husband. I fell for the same trap, I was told to ensure better communication but the nature of abusers is that they want everything on their times and to maintain control. So that is why my suggestion is there earlier and that we should not lay fault with the original poster, her husband should ultimately respect no means no? We can't blame the victims xx I hope you understand what I am getting at as I don't want the original poster to get into a similar situation that I and many other women found themselves in... and all we got told was to communicate better, make an effort to work on the relationship etc. Xx otherwise i am also a big believer in communication and understanding however I do draw the line now after lots of therapy and healing on what makes a healthy relationship even with friends family etc and how to set boundaries

@MM oh yeah totally!! At the end of the day the original poster should follow her instinct and know when to draw the line. We don’t know her full story and in the end only she does. Without her full story (which she doesn’t owe us) we can’t automatically assume things we don’t know. It could be a communication issue or it could be an abuser she is with and either way I hope she is supported in the decision she truly believes is best 🫶🏼

Here’s an update

Not to mention out of many, I’ve had one Pakistani and one Afghan boyfriend in my life. They were good looking what do you want from me.He said he was frustrated and yes angry, we’re supposed to be the love of each others lives and I don’t want to fuck him. I said, everytime you get angry at me or passively shitty at me for not wanting to, you push the desire to have sex with you even further away. After a while, I can’t take the shit mood anymore and I just say ok and have sex with you. Usually then your mood improves and it’s easier to just have sex but this time it hasn’t, maybe because I wasn’t enthusastic about it enough. He said just tel me the real reason because you keep changing the goal post on it, you’re like ***** and always have a new excuse, you’re tired, you have a head ache, something else hurting

probably talking about my chronic piles and tiredness from 2 children all day, and night, and constantly tidying up after already tidying up an hour ago, every hour, after absolutely everyone in the household including him quite often.) he said it was my fault I have no energy because I don’t go out with the kids or do my walks anymore (I don’t want to when I have 3yo it’s too far for her and her slowness puts me off the walk because it’s boring enough as is)so my fault I’m tired, I just sit and fester on the sofa all day apparently. Mentioned again how I’m pigtailing in his success. Getting a free ride etc. I said I’m going to start again when she starts nursery next week. Said I frustrate and annoy him because I never stick to anything, always have a different hobby, I spontaneously do stuff like one day I’ll put the remote in the fridge? Soz didn’t know that would cause so much upset. Said that I’m very lucky I’m with him who does everything for me and children.

Granted he makes loads of money, and 80%of the time is very good to be around.Said I never own up too when I’m wrong and should have apologised for disturbing him with my nonsense messages above instead of getting shitty. Eventually regarding sex, he said I should just let him go out and get it elsewhere (whilst we stay together) that way he’s satisfied and I never have to let anyone touch me again. He’s being serious, his ex baby mama allowed this. He then ended it by telling me to go get some dick too and get it out of my system since I’m clearly bored of him. I’m merely bored of being shamed into sex. Oh, he also says he thinks I’m doing all this now and causing this argument to prepare for another break uo just because I’ve finally got my house. Moaned about how I show no interest in the business or working for him, he gave me a sheet with prices on and said I need to study them like a bible and I said I’ll do it tomorrow.

He said “everything is always tomorrow with you it’s never going to happen” I told him, he should know that despite being interested in something anything other than My kids, I never show it. Doesn’t mean I’m not interested and he should know that about me considering we’ve been together 5+ years. Talked loads of shit about the gong down on me incident also about how when he hummed in me he was “trying something new” when it was very clear he was just trying to be awkward and whatever else. It was not done sexually.

Soz about the fecking extreme LENGTHS but I don’t want to tell my friends/mum because… he’s my kids dad I don’t want to talk shit he’s here for life together or not 🫠 and I need to release it or I’ll burst into gravy or something