What to do

I feel like my baby consumes me and I need to ask my husband to do stuff for the baby but I do 99% of it (he still doesn’t know how to wash and sterilise bottles!)
I’m running round sorting my baby alongside doing the housework and he works at his own leisure. If I ask him to soothe baby when he’s crying he gets really frustrated with him quickly and can tell him to fuck off or shouts which scares the baby so I take over. We’re at a stage where he’s relying on me to sort the baby and I think it’s because he’s not confident with the baby and I want him to learn how to soothe him but also frightened of his temper so I take the baby when he’s too fussy. In a bit of a cycle. Any advice?

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He wouldn’t harm me or baby but he’s been so frustrated before he’s kicked a hole in the door because baby wouldn’t settle for him

I’m sorry this is happening, can you maybe do bits together? My partner wasn’t confident doing our LB bedtime routine at all baby boy would cry scream etc because he was used to me doing it so I got him to watch and help whenever he was home now he’s confident doing it doesn’t and doesn’t get stressed out and LB still has his routine and settles with him 🩵

He needs to learn to be a patient a baby crying is a baby who needs something and it’s not their fault. He also needs to remain calm as hard as it is because the more worked up he is the more worked up baby will get. Have you tried speaking to him and finding out what it is? As hard as it is angel the only way he’s going to learn to soothe baby is by practising and being consistent and soothing him. My partner will try and soothe baby for a good 20/30 mins and if after that time he can’t do it then I’ll take over, but you need your time to you aswell mama to make sure your okay. Maybe start small and get him to soothe baby when he wakes up
from a nap crying. Sorry I’m not more help but you need the support from him. I hope things improve soon 🫶🏼

I know they do bonding classes for mum and baby in my area, it's mainly focused on parents who have anxiety surrounding baby and panic when they cry etc could he maybe try something like this? My partner is alot more calm than me when she's crying I get in to a right panic. But when he's at work and I'm alone with her I know I have no choice and I get it together, my partner struggles with bath time he's terrified of her drowning so for a few weeks he just watched me bathe her, then he started helping me, then he would bathe her while I was just sat in the bathroom and now he's confident doing it alone, just takes time and practise, it is frustrating not being able to control a cry but it's what babies do unfortunately

Firstly, he needs to step up and help with the indirect aspects of childcare. Whatever his temper is like, he can learn to wash and sterilise bottles, he can put a load of laundry on, make dinner, etc. Once he’s taken the load off you a little, you can get your head above water and come up with a plan to get him more confident and calm with the childcare. Would he consider cognitive behavioural therapy or similar to help him to manage his frustration?

My husbands the same and I had a complete melt down tonight because I'm just so overwhelmed. My husband works evenings 5 nights a week but I do 99 percent of everything. He literally just works and that's it. Occasionally cooks on his days off. Because he gets so angry I just think it's easier for me to do. I have no answers as I put up with it too but I wanted you to know your not alone x

As hard as this sounds, I think your husband needs help. Kicking a door or telling a baby to f off is not OK. Perhaps he is syruggling to adjust and could speak to the HV or GP for advice?

That is called weaponized incompetence, he relies on you because he doesn’t know… the really is that he doesn’t want to and will not learn…
Now for them to create a bond of some sorts start with playtime (when baby is calm and happy) so they can spend more time together and you get a little bit of time for you, maybe this piece can then balance a little more time for you

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