need honest opinions
hi everyone, my bf and I have been together around 5 years and we have a 5 month old who is the biggest blessing that we didn’t exactly plan. my bf is 30 y/o but always said he never wanted kids and initially wanted me to terminate the pregnancy. I ended up saying no to that and keeping her and for the first few months he was supportive and seemed to always tell people how much he loved being a dad and he never expected to feel this way. fast forward to now, he does nothing with her. he places her on a mat and sits on his phone not interacting with her at all, he doesn’t feed her, bathe her, talk to her, put her to bed, he doesnt help out around the house. I asked him last night if he could be more involved and he said he doesn’t need to do anything else because that’s not his role. He’s the “bread winner” of the house, wants to do traditional roles but then i’m going back to work in october so I will also be making a decent amount but still taking on all responsibilities of our baby. last night he told me that our baby is a consequence of my actions and she wouldn’t be here if I would have been responsible. that statement changed everything for me and I am considering leaving because to me he’s saying after 5 months he sees her as no more than a consequence and that breaks my heart. honest opinions or advice would be appreciated, if it sounds like i’m being dramatic let me know. thank you guys in advance 🫶🏻
Read more on PeanutThe views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.
Learn more about our guidelines.
im so sorry this is happening to you :/ having a baby isn’t the consequence of your actions. he too was involved. if you’re going back to work let him know like hey im also going to be working & taking care of a child you need to pull your own weight. if he’s not willing to i think it goes to shows who he truly is as a person.
You are totally valid in your opinions!! It takes 2 to make a baby, it is not you being irresponsible. He needs to be a man and a father and help out.
the baby is also a consequence of his actions and if he knew he never wanted children he should have been “responsible” and gotten snipped. why does he think the birth control burden is 100% on you??
also if he wants to play the “traditional” card then you wouldn’t be working and he’d be supporting you and the whole household financially 100% and STILL helping with baby when he’s home.
I am happily in a “traditional” marriage (we both agreed that this is the dynamic we wanted before we had children) and do most things around the house as I stay home. Once my husband’s off work you can bet he’s gonna be playing and talking to her, doing diapers, feeding her bottles while I make dinner, feed her one of her night bottles, and occasionally even take her for a few minutes while he’s working from home if she’s extra fussy.
The man not being an active parent does not make him traditional, it makes him a dead beat.
this would not fly in my marriage.
I just realize this was a whole essay but I’m genuinely pissed for you.
That breaks my heart! I agree that your feelings are valid! I would feel the same way. Your boyfriend needs to be a better dad to your baby and a better partner for you. If he’s not willing to work on things, I would probably leave as well.
I feel you and send you big hugs. Well, there's nothing better than raising a child with your partner, but he needs to be committed in the relationship as a father and as your main support. You didn't do the child alone, and it is his responsibility as well. Your baby doesn't deserve to grow in a home where her father is not interested in her and uninvolved. First, talk to him, and if he really doesn't wanna get involved, you know what you have to do.
It could be he's depressed. Talk to him
Download the Peanut App
