Does anyone feel they have a roommate rather than a partner?
My partner and I have been together for 5 years and we have a 2 year old son. We've just got back from our first family holiday and while we did have a great time as a family, I have realised that me and my partner basically had zero conversations the whole time, he never once told me I looked nice after getting dressed up for the evenings etc. We rarely have sex and when we do it is me who initiates it, I did this on holiday as we hadn't had sex for 4 months and it felt so awkward! Like he wasn't really in to it and I felt I just wanted it over with. He isn't affectionate with and at night he will be on his phone in bed and just turn the light off, he won't say night or kiss me or cuddle etc. I think I actually feel quite lonely. We do get on and he is a good dad, but I just don't know if we make eachother happy anymore. I can't remember the last time we said 'I love you' to eachother.
I know I could manage the parenting side of things on my own as I do everything anyway, but it is more the financial side of things. We bought our first house together last year and have a 5 year mortgage. How do you get out of something like that? Has anyone been in a similar situation? I earn a good salary and earn nearly £20k more than him but I am still not sure they would give me a mortgage alone?
I also haven't spoken to him about how I'm feeling and he probably isn't even aware I am having these thoughts! So I guess I need to do that as well and see if things improve before any decisions are made.
I guess I just wanted to see if anyone else ever feels like this and if anyone has actually left their partner since having a child?
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I’ve had a similar experience tbh. Me and my partner have been together nearly 6 years. We had a good relationship before I got pregnant. We was always away etc. when we had our daughter I felt so separated from him he even started sleeping downstairs. He was literally a room mate. We didn’t sleep together for months at a time and at one point I actually started speaking to another guy from years ago that I knew. Wasn’t nothing sexual or flirtatious just needed that bit of attention.
In the end I’d had enough of living on egg shells. I spoke to my partner and told him how I felt and that I’d been speaking to a guy as a friend for attention because I felt so alone. Our sex life was bringing us both down and we basically just communicated how we felt and it broke the ice between the both of us. We’ve currently just had another baby and I worried things would go down hill but atm we’ve got the best sex life we’ve probably ever had.
Find a peaceful relaxed time to speak…
Perhaps of an evening when baby is in bed and just let everything off your chest. You’ll probably both feel better afterwards for it x
I could have written this myself. My husband will give me a kiss and cuddle at night but our sex life is non existent. We had great sex on holiday but nothing since December and this month we decided to try for another baby. It was so awkward almost like a chore. And he went soft. It made me feel very sad. I’m a higher band earner but when I quoted online no one would give me mortgage. I feel so stuck but he is a great dad.
I'm so sorry you're in a similar position. We have been talking about trying for another baby but as much as I would love our son to have a sibling, I'm not sure if right now it will be the right thing for our relationship. I know what you mean and I don't want sex to be a chore. That is so shit about the mortgage situation too, they shouldn't make it so hard for people to own a home as a solo parent. I know renting is an option but seems like a step back as we worked so hard to get on the ladder!
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