Am I being a bad parent?

So I was trying to put on a little makeup, I haven’t worn any in months, but my skin is breaking out and I wanted to cover it a bit bc I have an appt later. I spent the morning with my 4 year old helping her skate and putting up Halloween decorations. I set up her stuff for her to play and walked right around the corner to do my makeup. She dumps out all of my stuff and smears my lipstick all over her face and starts squirting out my foundation. She then slaps me in the face and dumps out a whole box of my Halloween decorations and breaks them. No matter what I do, she is angry and wants full attention on her. I get that I really do, but I have a 2 year old as well and I’m drowning. I know she wants my attention but I also just feel so depressed. I do not have the time to work out, do my makeup, do any skincare, or really take care of myself at all without her breaking my stuff and I’m so depressed. Is it normal for a mother to not even be able to do daily activities like this with a 4 year old and 2 year old, or do I need to work on her behavior? I’m at my Witt’s end.

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I honestly think you should take to he pediatrician about getting her some extra help maybe some type of therapy to help her cope with her emotions because i have an almost 6 year old autistic son and he has never done anything like that and he has a hard time with his emotions as well but if I saw him going after my makeup theirs no way id let it get that far

Thanks for your advice. I talked to her pediatrician once and they had us doing play therapy together and working on exercises at home, which I’ve still been doing. I’m not sure what else to do. My next step will be looking into removing red dye or looking at lessening or removing screen time. I will consult the pediatrician again as well.

Context is key. Is this a regular occurrence? Or a one off? If I was trying to do my makeup with my toddler around I'd say the same thing would happen. Is everything locked away that you don't want them to have access to? It sounds normal to me 🤷🏻‍♀️

A regular occurrence. Like last night we were getting ready for bed I was literally not busy with anything just grabbing pjs out of the dryer and she dumped her entire cup of milk in the floor and started rolling around in it and laughing.

What’s your response or reaction when she does these behaviors?

I follow the directions the therapist gave me at therapy, which is to act disappointed and upset when she slaps me across the face. Then she has to do a 4 minute time out which she refuses to stay in half the time.

@Miranda keep putting her back in time out, explain to her why she's going there when you put her there, then after that everytime she gets up don't say anything just take her back and keep repeating even if it takes 100 times until she stays the full time. If she gets up and you give up she will know she can do it.
As a mum of 5 I've never had this with any of mine, so not really sure what to advise, but defo stick to the time out until she realises she's done wrong

Thank you for the advice. I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong as a parent, I will try the tips though.

I agree with 100% and the therapist. I would def limit the attention given when she shows unpleasant behaviors. I would also try and be more intentional about carving out a particular time of day for just her. Like something she can look forward to.
Not sure how easy it’ll be with 2 children as i only have one. But it’s doable.
I would also be over excited and extra whenever she did anything even a little good
Like any good behavior would get a celebration out of me. “Yessss look how nicely you (insert action) Omgggg I’m sooo proud of you and happy , i love when you make good choices ,etc etc “

And maybe finding a few things she loves to do alone even (painting ,water table/bowl, play doh,etc) if it’s for a short time , so she can stay occupied when you wanna do something like Makeup or laundry.

I wouldn’t say you’re doing anything wrong
You’re just figuring it out as you go like everyone else with children

People are gonna test you, especially children. And behaviors get worse before they get better.

It’ll be helpful if you have a village and outlet for yourself as well.

in our community

wtf moment?

I have been going back and forth with my husband lately. Well not lately it’s been years. He is the best husband and father you could ask for; for two weeks. Then he’s inconsistent. It drives me mad. Then he’s back to husband and dad of the year , then back to same inconsistency. I talked to him about this last night and he said “if i was lovey dovey and acted like this all the time you’d get bored and cheat on me.”

Ok so for starters i know some of you are going to say omg omg omg super controlling omg leave omg. No im not doing that. Im happy he finally admitted his wrong doing and taking accountability for it but id like to know the deeper reason, the what the f has him thinking like this reason, the personality trait reason. He’s obviously scared I’m going to leave him; so much so that he’s doing this dumb shit to prevent it. Past trauma? What do y’all think I can do to get him to see I’m not going anywhere? I’m consistent already, I married him, we have a baby. He really is the love of my life. I have never loved another man like this before.. but this shit is for the birds and he thinks he’s keeping me doing this but in actuality it’s making me lose respect and detach.

worried about a family members baby

So this child is three months old and she isn’t being fed from 10pm till 6/7 am idk if this is normal or safe and it’s been like this since 2 months i believe as she won’t wake her for feeds she goes to the pub drinking most nights with her baby and her baby has already been in hospital with a very low temperature bc she was outside but as soon as she was in a warm car she warmed up and doctors said she was fine she lets cats play with her bouncers toys that go over her and doesn’t strap her in she is cold from what i’ve heard from other family members and they’ve tried to warm her hands and she’s wet herself at my parents and she hasn’t had a spare vest to put on her and i offered her a blanket as she didn’t have one and she declined and she won’t listen to anyone about it she’s already left the baby with my parents for the night to go out drinking and personally i couldn’t leave my three month old because my parents said she just cried and im really unsure whether to report her or not and her house smells of dog wee/poo as she’s never home to look after them and that’s not safe for the baby i understand being lonely but she doesn’t need to go to the pub every night her friends could
go
to hers or her she could go to a cafe that has closed doors not sat outside a cold pub and it’s a bit of a rough pub in my opinion

my parents are concerned btw but they say i shouldn’t report her as it’s not fair but i feel how the baby is treated isn’t fair

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I’m now a little over 2 months postpartum and I’ve struggled with genuinely just not liking my partner anymore since we found out I was pregnant last year. I catch myself just staring at him with hatred because I’m so sick and tired of his bullshit. He is just now getting a job and has not had one since THANKSGIVING!!! Meanwhile I was working full time until I finally got too sick to be able to work. I genuinely want him out of my house but I depend on him as far as driving goes bc I don’t have a car. I also still love him deep down and don’t want to put him out on the street but he’s driving me genuinely insane. Any advice?

Heartbreak

After years of trying, months of back and fourth on the fate of our marriage, indecision, fights. The whole enchilada my husband and I are separating, divorcing. Whatever. I'm so goddamn heart broken. I feel like it's a death and I'm in mourning. We have a 3 year old son and currently and for the foreseeable we are going to coparent and live together. This makes things harder because neither one of us can really move on but it's how it is. He understands and he's trying to heal too. But I can't understand why now that things are over he can be kind. He's been more amazing in the last week since I ended things than ever. Why couldn't he do that when we were together for years I begged for change, we saw a counselor I tried everything and he just wouldn't. Now he seems to turn a switch and be able to just do it all. But it's too late. My heart aches. My body aches. Love sucks.

Help!!!

Am I wrong if I secide to stop doing baths etc for my little ones. We have a 3 and 1 year old. I do all the baths wake up in ams cooking etc. I dont want them to be dirty but it's like I need a break and Im tired of doing it all by myself. He will come up and help after they are out the tub every now and then and that pisses me off. Im taking care of 2 littles one by myself makes no sense. I asked him to give them baths tonight he said I worked all day what did you do...ive had the children all day. We went to church he didn't go. We all know how little ones are.. but what should I do bcus it feels like I'm going crazy

Partner works incredibly long hours, how much do they help out?

I'm struggling. Have been for a while. I've had one break from parenting my daughter, that was for 3 hours in December when I left her with her dad.

She's 14 months old and I'm just tired. I've done every night by myself. He's out of bed at 4am and doesn't get home until 7-9pm. He drives for work, very physically tiring.
On the weekends he was doing 6 days, one weekend day off, but now has both off.

He doesn't sit on the floor and play with her, he doesn't read to her because he says she doesn't have the patience.
He will pick her up and hold her whilst he's cooking.

Recently I've been "snappy" with him.
He got back from the mechanic last weekend, she was getting onto the sofa and he put his headphones on and started to watch Netflix on his phone.
The same day I told him I was going to run her bath and to watch her whilst she was still eating, he fell asleep on the sofa.

Today he went to football after going shopping, so was out 1-3 and then from 4-8.
He got back and I was snappy.

"I don't get why you're so snappy with me"

I said - Probably because I haven't had a break since December.

"Do you think I don't know you haven't had a break. I haven't had a break", "I just won't go to work, I'll sit at home all day".

Then "do you think I like not having a connection to my child"... But that's on him? He never sits to play with her. He "doesn't see the point". He's stated that this age is boring to him.

Since she's been born, he has been to a friend's once a month. Football - He stopped going for 7months, but has been the last two weekends.

Are these not breaks?

He does do the washing/washing up/cooking/vacuuming when I haven't had a chance to; but I'm the one in charge of feeding her, naps/bedtime, teeth brushing, hair brushing, baths, dressing her, making sure she has the right shoes, appointments etc. Everything falls on me.

If your partner works ridiculously long hours, how much do they look after your child? Do you ever get a break?